Aboard the Love Boat Challenge: for Labyrinth.
A/N-This was a challenge by Kyota-Chan originally intended for Harry Potter fan fiction writers. But I thought I could use most of the prompts for a Labyrinth tale. There is a list of words, which should be the title of the chapter and relate some how to its contents. I intend it to be humorous, and I hope it is because I've never written comedy before. Please feel free to (kindly) tell me if I have failed .
As for a description: every fangirl has her own conversations with the Goblin King. These are mine. So to speak. Enjoy
~Interferences of the Goblin King Sort~
~Chapter One: Gnomes~
It was a very early seven in the morning when I noticed there was something very wrong with my lawn gnomes. And by wrong, I mean that I didn't have lawn gnomes before I went to bed. In fact, I dislike lawn gnomes. I find them, well, creepy. But there they were, pointed hats and all, in all their creepy gnomishness, sitting squat on my grass, covered in dew. As I stood in my fluffy yellow robe, sipping my coffee and watching them out the patio door, it occurred to me that there was something else wrong with these gnomes. Now, I haven't had much experience with lawn ornaments as a general rule, but I'm fairly sure that they don't breathe. And although these little guys were standing almost perfectly still, they were most certainly breathing.
I had a brief thought of panicking before it occurred to me that this had disgruntled bird-brained king written all over it.
I coughed, clearing my throat, and bellowed, "Jareth!"
There was barely a delay before my kitchen filled with blue smoke and enough glitter to furl the entire 1980s. I turned to find the fluffy-haired, sleepy-eyed Goblin King standing in my kitchen, dusting glitter off a red smoking jacket.
"Mistress, it is seven in the gods-forsaken morning. What in the devil is so terribly important?" He pulled his sleeves and wrinkled his nose at the mess of glitter and feathers that now covered my while linoleum. As the mess predated his arrival. His lifted one foot and then the other, delicately shaking glitter from his rather un-kingly tiger slippers
"Jareth, why are there gnomes in my garden?" I demanded, foot tapping.
Not hearing me, he marched across my kitchen. "Is that coffee?" He pointed at the coffee pot before helping himself to a cup from the cabinet overhead and pouring some. Glancing out my kitchen window, his brow furrowed. "When did you get lawn gnomes?"
"I didn't!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "That's why I called you! Why are they there?"
"You have bad taste in decor?"
"Jareth! Did you have something to do with this?" I dragged him to the sliding glass door and pointed.
"Well of course not. I-oh, oh that's very funny." His thin lips curled into a smirk and he chuckled.
"Just what is so funny?"
"It seems that my goblins were terribly insulted no to be invited to your BBQ last weekend, which I'll admit I was a bit miffed at not warranting an invitation to it myself. They have apparently sent gnomes on a, what's the term, panty-raid." He was laughing pretty hard by now and had to set his coffee cup on the counter.
I whirled to look at the dirty little buggers. Sure as shit, in their tiny fists and stuffed into tiny pockets were various articles from my underwear drawer. A few were even wearing my bras. Oh, the humanity. Or gnomanity, rather.
Forcing myself not to scream, I turned on Jareth, who was purple from laughing. "Do something!"
Jareth opened the sliding glass door and shouted, "Alright that's enough boys. She's found you out! Be gone! And leave the under garments!"
The gnomes squealed and broke into motion, dropping items and scrambling off down the lawn before disappearing in little puffs of pink and yellow smoke. Jareth was positively roaring.
"Jareth, this isn't funny."
"On the contrary, my little lemon tart, its hilarious."
I stomped out into the dewy grass, barefoot and grumbling, and began to scoop up my ruined articles.
"A little help would be positively angelic of you!" I called.
"But I'm having a rather fun time watching you scramble about, picking up you knickers."
"On second thought, the idea of you touching my underwear makes me want to hurl anyways." I muttered.
"Lies." he called back, chuckling.
I growled at him and grabbed my last bra, turning to rejoin him in the kitchen.
I shoved past him into the laundry room, shoving everything inside the washing machine.
He was behind me almost instantly. "Why are you up so early, love?"
"I have to go to work. Not all of us have a job that entails so little." I trotted up the stairs, with Jareth on my heels. "I cannot make a living pretending to govern goblins."
"Pretending? I don't pretend! You should know, you've seen my castle!"
"Jareth," I said, turning on him half way up the stairs so I could look down on him for once. "You look after goblins all day, and do a rather shabby job of it to say the least. I'd hardly call what you do important."
"Well, now that's just cruel."
"I learn from the best."
"I did not put the goblins up to stealing your undergarments, if you can even call them that. So don't get snippy with me." He followed me into the bathroom, after which I turned and promptly shoved him back out again, closing the door.
"Go away, Jareth. I have to get ready for work."
"Aye, perhaps I shall accompany you." His voice was muffled through the door.
"I think not. Last time you nearly blew up the espresso machine."
"Wretched machine," he muttered.
"Good bye, your majesty."
"Pardon?" he opened the door.
I glared at him, glad I was only brushing my teeth. I spat into the sink and turned off the water. "Scoot! Go! Scat." I made a shooing motion with my hands.
"You just shooed me!" he exclaimed in horror. "You cant shoo a king! You blasphemous little-."
"Be gone!" I shouted before he could finish.
He did, but not before he stuck his tongue out in a rather un-kingly fashion.