Little Tin Soldier

::---::

'My mind it speeds. My voice has died. God let me make the faintest cry. Opened up and for the taking, just one touch and I'll be yours. Opened up, wide for the breaking. Just one touch and I'll be yours. What's on the other side of the mirror? To cry, I try, to break the static keeping me here in between.'

::---::

Now, it is essential to understand, everybody is different. Different things will break different people, and that one flaw is what makes the system perfect. Imagine, what a world would be like if the same thing held the ability to destroy all of us. We would all be dead, hypothetically. There are very few things that drive someone to such a depth of emptiness though. For some it is death, for some it is failure, anything, even love. But everybody is different. The human-demon hybrid in our story, is broken by all the afore mentioned events.

But the one thing that really drove him to break was death, the one most feared occurrence that could be thought of by most any human being. However, as death, being the absence of life, is not affected by the one afflicted, it spreads like a contagious disease, a wave, breaking those who touch it. Those touched by the afflicted person, are those damaged by death, and as such is true, the tale of a certain person's destruction unfolds.

Inu Yasha looked at his surroundings, shock and horror alit in his eyes, once a brilliant opalescent gold, but now, only a dull brazen shadow of their former glory. His lower jaw drooped slightly as he took it all in. The once green rubbery grass on which he stood was now soaked in blood. The once clean crisp night air lingered the presence of death. And all around him he could hear the breaking of his own heart. He saw nothing but two bodies.

Rather, two corpses.

One lay by his own feet. Her white blouse, or maybe more accurately, her once white blouse, was now stained a deep crimson red as she lay in a pool of her own blood. Her ravens hair fanned out around her head as her half lidded eyes haunted him with the overwhelming absence of life. She lay motionless on the ground, her limbs twisted around her cold, paling, body. Yet his eyes seemed to be sickly attracted to the giant gaping hole in her chest that harbored her blood. And the old rusty sword that sat in that gaping hole.

The other sat behind him, her dead body propped against a tree trunk, the only binding force holding her upright being the arrow, shoved forcefully through her own chest. Her head fell down in a horrible sickly way that made Inu Yasha's blood run cold. He couldn't turn around, he couldn't stay where he was. He needed to go away. He just couldn't take this anymore!

As he stared down at the girls body in front of him, and saw her as he imagined he might see her someday, had he failed to protect her. He felt something strange, something hideous growing inside his gnarled heart, which bled inside his chest. However she wasn't just dead because he hadn't protected her. She was dead because he, yes, he himself, had murdered her. Murdered her in cold blood. But this feeling he had, it was something he had never felt before. A horrible concoction of guilt, of pain, of vengeance, of regret. And it all lumped together to form a monster which tore apart his insides.

He turned his head and felt the blood in his veins turn to ice, as his face paled to a ghastly shade of white not meant to be worn on human features. The dead woman behind him made a perfect copy of himself, or at least how he was fifty years ago. He never imagined he'd see her die a second time.

But this image was distorted, the way her head fell down in just such a way that made him sick, the way her hair covered all but the feathered tip of the arrow, protruding through her chest. Something inside of him snapped right then, like a small twig under the foot of a hunter. He needed to get away, to stop this horrible feeling, to run from death! To deafen himself to the everlasting ring of his heart cracking to pieces inside his own chest.

Run.

Of course.

He would run.

And with that he jolted, not once turning his head to face the perfect image of his own love and passion, embodied in the corpses of two dead women.

- - - - - - - - - - -

She stumbled through the forest, bow and arrow in hand, looking for him. She had waited and waited, and today, the day of her seventeenth birthday, she would tell him. Tell him the thing that she had wanted to for so long. To speak love to him, to her Inu Yasha. A pale luminance of light soon caught her eyes and she walked, curiously, towards it.

Her heart broke at the image that lay afore her.

There, standing by the tree which she first met him, the place she had planned to tell him of her love, stood Inu Yasha himself. But he was not alone. Tight in his arms, and locked in his lips was Kikyo. And as she broke their kiss, she told him the thing that Kagome hadn't been able to say.

"I love you Inu Yasha."

She looked up into his eyes, their faces drawing nearer, "I love you and only you. You are my life and in essence my death but my love for you will never die." She kissed him again.

A tear streaked Kagome's face as her heart broke inside of her. She had told him to come here, to the place they first met, to the tree which held so many memories. All former emotion for the hanyou had seemingly been scooped out and was replaced by nothing other than anger, hatred, and regret. Anger for him abandoning her, and hatred for him not realizing how he hurt her, regretful that she hadn't told him earlier. All the feelings she had tried to starve before, the ones she would push away whenever they would show, raged inside of her and possessed her, dictating her movements, and her thoughts.

'Meet me by the God tree at sunset Inu Yasha.'

'Why?'

'I have to tell you something.'

And he did as she said. But he wasn't with her, he was with her. Her eyes narrowed at the sight of the two in front of her. The mere sight of them, doing the exact thing she had planned to do with Inu Yasha, the one she loved made her angrier and angrier. Watching Kikyo sip away her perfect happiness.

This was it. He doesn't love her. 'He loves Kikyo! He cant love me!! He will never love me as long as she is here!!' she thought. Picking up the bow and arrow she aimed at Kikyo. She stepped out from the bushes, breathing heavily and sobbing silently. It was time to do what she should have done a long time ago. Kikyo was dead already, dieing twice shouldn't be so bad. "Why…?" she whispered while sniffling, her words narrowly escaping Inu Yasha's demon senses.. "WHY CANT YOU LOVE ME!?!" she screamed with all the greed and passion she could muster

And she let the arrow fly.

In an instant Kikyo was dead again, pinned against the same tree Inu Yasha was fifty years ago. She watched in sick pleasure as the souls drained from her dead earthen body. 'Now he's mine. Now he can never have her!' A twisted desperate smile grew on her features, one that looked different, gnarled, a smile that wasn't a smile as she approached him. "Inu …Yasha?"

Inu Yasha stood motionless, his ears twitching in confusion at his beloved dead miko, pinned against the tree, as he was fifty years ago. His eyes drained of all human emotion as looked at his dead love. "Ki…Kikyo...?" he kneeled by her and touched her face, watching her head fall down at a sickening angle as he let go of her. How could he have done this!? How could have let her die?! He had promised to protect her!

Anger consumed him and he drew his tetsusaiga and turned to face his attacker. The rage building up in him to this point all let loose as he dashed towards Kagome, blinded by his rage, and drove the sword through her torso. She dangled for a few moments, held up by the sword, which impaled her up to the hilt.

"WHY!?" he screamed at the dying girl. "Why did you kill her!?"

"Only because… I love ...you…Inu Ya-" She started to cough up blood and in a moment she was dead. His red tinted eyes now dulled into the regular pale amber color, and he felt his hate and anger evanesce in an instant as he dropped the sword, watching her fall to the ground and her body slid down the sword, making a sickening sound as she slumped to the ground in a heap and a puddle of red.

And Inu Yasha watched, coming to the sudden realization that the two people he loved the most, the only two that he ever loved, lay dead at his hands. He fell to the ground and screamed to the moon, howling a howl of pure heart break, the sound of a creature which has lost everything that drives it.

It wasn't fair! This whole thing wasn't fair! He had loved both of them. Loved them so much that it hurt. So of course he couldn't choose. As much as he wanted to be with one, he also wanted to be with the other. And he could never bare to brake their hearts. Because they were so precious to him. Both of them. And because he couldn't afford to lose either, he lost both.

And he cried for the very first time in his life. Not ashamed to bare his own death in the form of water. He wasn't dead. Not literally at least. But he might as well be.

- - - - - - - - - - -

And now we are brought to the present, as Inu Yasha ran blindly through the forest he had killed in, forgetting the fact that he couldn't feel his legs. He had lost track of time by now, but the now dark sky, was huge and omnipresent, pressing down on him like thick black velvet. He wondered if his friends in Kaede's village had found their bodies yet.

He could never return there.

But by now he had lost all thought, he had forgotten all feeling, and his running had become more mechanical, like clockwork, if anything. He just moved his legs, hoping that he could run as far from his pain as he could. If he couldn't feel he could take it all away. Take away everything that made his insides hurt like they did. He just wanted to forget, forget what he had done, forget how he had loved, make it just go away. And now he ran through a village, the people of the village stared curiously after the hanyou youth who darted past them, not looking at anyone, nor stopping for anything. But they didn't think much of it.

::---::

"Kagome!" Shippou shouted, a wild smile growing on his face as he ran towards Kagome.

"Hey." Inu Yasha said quietly, watching, half sickened, half jealous, as Kagome squeezed Shippou tightly. 'Why doesn't she ever do that to me?' he wonders silently.

"Did you bring me anything?" Shippou asked eagerly. "I liked that…chocolate stuff you brought before."

Kagome smiled and sighed. "Lets go into Kaede's hut, I'll give you your presents there."

All five of them sat around the fire in the hut, staring eagerly as Kagome reached into her big yellow bag and pulled out gifts for each of them. "Here Miroku, this is for you." she said, handing a bag of potato chips. He smiled and took them. "And for you, Sango, this. It's some of that cranberry eye shadow you like so much. Except this stuff is made with artificial coloring and powder, instead of demon blood." Sango took the case and looked at it, intrigued.

"They don't use blood? Then how is it such a pretty color red?" she asks.

"And for you Shippou, here you go." She hands him a plastic bag full of candies and smiles at his delighted squeals. She watches as her friends enjoy their gifts and smile contently. They always enjoy their gifts from the future, and she always loved how confused they looked when they got them.

"Forgetting someone?"

"Oh, Inu Yasha! Of course not, I could never forget you. Come here!" She grabs him suddenly by the hand and leads him out of the hut and sits on the ground outside. "Sit down." she says. Inu Yasha sat beside her, eager to see what she brought him. She took out a doll. It stood straight up and its arms were stiff, neatly laid at its sides.

"What is it?" he asked, taking the doll and examining it. It was cold and hard.

"It's a tin soldier." she told him, which was great and all, except he had no idea what a tin soldier was. "Look." She took it from him and turned the key jutting out of its back a couple times and then set it on the ground. It marched. Inu Yasha's eyes widened in surprise.

"Hey it walks!" he exclaimed, pointing at the figurine. "Its walking Kagome, its walking!" She grinned at his excitement. He looked so strangely at the little toy, like it was the weirdest thing he had ever seen. "Hey, it stopped." he said, picking it up and presenting it to her, the little mechanic legs still again. "Why did it stop Kagome?"

"Well, it can only walk for so long. It has to stop eventually."

"Oh…" he said. "How does it walk again?"

"Just wind it up again, Inu Yasha, like I did… No, wait! Turn it the other way! The other way, Inu Yasha! …... There, that's better. Now put it down. See its walking again!" He grinned happily at it, watching as its metal legs walked on.

They watched in silence as the toy tripped over a rock. It lay on it's back now, little mechanical legs still moving. "Even if it doesn't go anywhere it will still march."

"Why doesn't it just get back up?" he asked, propping the tin toy back on its feet.

"Its not alive, it doesn't have a conscience. It doesn't care whether it's on its back, on its feet, or broken in a corner of a room. It's just here to entertain you." she replied.

"Oh." he said, sounding a little disheartened. "That still doesn't explain why its moving in the first place. How come it walks Kagome?" he asked. "What makes it want to go on?"

"The only thing that keeps it going is it's owner. You keep it moving Inu Yasha!" she answered "I mean, it's just a toy, without the little key in its back, it wouldn't even be moving." She paused and thought. "Though, you do have to have some respect for it, it always keeps up it's marching. It won't stop once its started."

"It's strong." he said, picking it up and rapping his knuckles on the tin.

"And cute too." She giggled. "It's like you Inu Yasha!"

"I'm cute?"

"No, you're a tin soldier."

"I'm a tin soldier?"

"You're my tin soldier."

::---::

His breathing was rough, and sharp, as he ran across another forest. This running, it felt good. It made him numb, made him forget slightly what he had done, though that terrible scene replayed forever in the back of his mind. And feeling nothing was far better than feeling horrible.

Though, it almost hurt to breath, but that was nothing compared to the pain he felt inside his chest where his shattered heart beat anyway. If he could hurt his body so badly that it outdid the pain inside of him then he could take it all away. Then the pain he felt in his heart wouldn't seem so bad. Something out there could make him better. He had to find it, somehow he would. Though he was quite determined he would never smile again, he didn't want to feel the misery. And he wasn't quite far from the truth.

This forest was huge. He had never seen anything like it. The trees were giant and thick, they stood tall above him, looming over him, watching him. It was beautiful, nonetheless, especially as a slight rain began to fall. Kagome would have liked it here. No! This is no time to think about her. Forget, must forget. He ran faster. He had been running forever now. Or at least it seemed that way to him. He might as well run forever, because the truth he was running from would always be right on his heels.

::---::

"Its so nice here." She says, sighing happily. The sun was bright, but the thick top of the goshinboku tree offered cool shade and protection. The forest around them seemed to go on forever, and wherever you looked there were trees.

"Its just a stupid bunch of trees." He retorts, cynically.

"Well, I think its pretty." she says, swatting the half breed boy on the head with an unfinished sheet of math homework.

"And I think its stupid." he says, and sticks out his tongue.

"Fine Inu Yasha, you be like that." she snorts, and sighs, muttering to herself, 'Guys…' She pulls a loose strand of hair behind her ear and sets to finishing her homework.

He exhales and looks at her, wishing she would hurry and finish her math. She always brought those big stupid books to his time. She would always run around and complain about how much she had to do, and how hard it was, and how she wished she didn't have to do it. He didn't understand it. If she just stayed in his time, then she wouldn't have to.

"Hey Kagome?" he asks.

"Hm?"

"Why do you like those stupid trees?"

She rolls her eyes. "I told you, they're not stupid." she corrects. "And I like them because, even in my time, they're still there, they're still the same. We can both be sitting under the same branches, or under the same sky, and I won't miss you as much." 'It doesn't hurt as much to be apart from you…' "I guess it comforts me to know that you're so close. Even though I can't touch you or see you, somehow, you always stay with me." She looks at him and smiles gently. "You feel it too."

"Keh…" he says, and whispers so quietly that he can't even hear himself. "Why don't you just stay with me?"

"What was that?" she asks, turning her gaze to Inu Yasha.

"Nothing."

::---::

Looking back on it, there were a hundred different things he could have said, a hundred different responses to that statement that could have prevented this from happening. Didn't she know? He didn't care about trees, or skies, or pretty flowers. He only wanted to be with her! Not some tree she'll stand at five hundred years from now. He choked on tears beginning to form in his eyes, and shoved the memory away. He almost laughed at the fact that things that used to make him so happy, now caused him so much pain.

He had been running his hardest the whole time. Even he, himself, was surprised he lasted this long. At first his legs felt like they were going to fall off but now, they were completely numb, and pale as well. From deficient blood flow, he guessed. Had he been of normal mind at the time he would have noticed the loud hammering thumps his heart was making in his chest. It was so loud, but he couldn't hear it. Not a single beat.

He couldn't see anything.

He couldn't hear anything.

He couldn't feel anything.

And it never felt so good.

And bit by bit, piece by piece, everything that made him feel alive, only made him feel all the more dead. Piece by piece, strings that tethered him were cut, bit by bit, he lost himself.

He stopped for the first time in his journey and clutched at his chest, toppling over ungracefully. His heart gave one final beat and his eyes rolled back into his head as he fell to the ground, lifeless, smiling, the tops of the trees protecting the broken little tin soldier from the heresy of rain.

Author Notes

Angst … mmm. Well I hope you liked my sad one shot. In case you didn't figure out, he has a heart attack and dies at the end. It is quite sad but I like this one. I owe my inspiration to an awesome authoress, Sleepwalking Chicken, for writing that story 'Jaded.'

Please review!

Thanks.