Jack's thoughts – tag to Upgrades & Divide and Conquer
I watch your face as the tears stream down them. You are begging me to leave you. You are telling me that I can come back for you. I hear you over my pounding heart but I am not obeying you. There is no way I am leaving you behind. I don't leave people behind and I damn sure am not going to leave you behind. I thought you knew me better than that Carter.
I beat on the blasted lock but nothing is happening. I pray, I beg – but nothing is happening. Isn't there anyone out there in the whole freaking universe that cares about what I want. Why is it I feel as if I am always constantly fighting a battle to keep those I love alive. There I said it. Just like the rules and regulations that we have to follow everyday – this blasted shield is keeping me from the one I love – I have loved you since you walked into the briefing room that day with that chip on your shoulder and admitted that you played with astronaut dolls. But I will not let this shield stop me from having you. I may have to follow my command but no alien device is going to stop me!
I look straight into your tear filled blue seas and I say it – NO! I will not leave you behind. I may have to hide my feelings from the world but I will no longer hide them from you. I will not watch someone else I love die or wish to die because of something I did. I should have told that snake head to keep the dang things and go back to her planet with them. I should have known there would be consequences and I should have known I would not be the one hurt – no instead I always have to watch.
Well it's not going to happen this time. I will blow up with you, Samantha. You will not leave me here to live a life without you. How could you ask me to do that? Don't you realize that until you came into my life I had nothing. I was living just to exist. Daniel will tell you – he knows. I will not leave here and live. It won't happen. Oh my Carter – please don't beg me to do that. Please understand what I am saying I cannot go on without you. I know we have to hide it but knowing you are beside me I can handle that – don't make me chose between leaving here and leaving you or dying here with you because either way – I will die.
I feel you! You are safe! We don't have long before they are almost to us but I hold you for just a brief minute and feel your heart beating against mine. And even though I never thought I ever would or could again, I look up towards the heavens and thank the one person who could have saved you for me. I will hold you closer to me each time we leave and I hear the gate turning. I will hold you closer to me each time we walk back down the ramp and one day I will get to hold you close to me all night long.
Until than my Carter – my Samantha – remember I love you – always.