A/N: This tiny little drabble was inspired by three things. The first being that I've never written a songfic and wanted to try my hand at it. Yes, it is a songfic, just maybe not the type you're used to. No lyrics breaking up the paragraphs and no karaoke. The second inspiration was the song Can't Forget You by My Darkest Days. You will find lyrics inserted here and there (maybe rearranged or reworded some, but still there). The third was the fact that I don't usually do terribly sad or angsty stuff. I recently said that I can only do happy endings, so I challenged myself, and this was born.
I watch as the rain trickles down the window panes. It's as if the heavens are crying for you. Did you know that it rains every year on this day? Of course you don't, the dead know nothing but peaceful oblivion. It took the Daily Prophet ten years to figure it out, it took me only three. This is my darkest day.
I can't go out on this day. When someone says your name, I just want to run away. On this particular day, it's said so often that I wouldn't be able to escape you no matter where I run. So, I just sit. The Daily Prophet goes unread the week before and after, and I don't miss it. I don't need to see your face, it's etched so deep in my mind that it will never fade. I keep remembering that I can't forget you. It doesn't matter when I try, it happens anyway.
I attended your funeral. There were tears aplenty and hugs passed around in abundance to those who were close to you. No one hugged me, no one knew I was the closest. I still haven't told anyone, they wouldn't believe me anyway. I guess I could offer my memories, but those are just for me, I have no desire to have someone else view and desecrate them. I think it's better this way. I loved you in secret, I should grieve for you the same.
I thought I was ready for any outcome. I was certain if you didn't come out alive, there was no way that I would. I was wrong. I was unprepared. I didn't know what it meant to be here without you. Everything I see reminds me of you and it hurts when I breathe. Every breath for the last twenty years has burned it's why through my throat and lungs. It's almost as if I'm not supposed to be alive, like I'm not supposed to be without you.
All these years and I still feel the same about you, it won't go away. I hoped for it to dim some, like the smoldering embers of a dying fire. It didn't, it rages on, even without you to stoke it. I hate feeling like this. Every single day feels the same. Yesterday, tomorrow, it's all the fucking same.
I try to drink it all away. I started the day you died and some days I see the bottom of several bottles of fire whiskey. It doesn't work. I still see your face. I still see swirling visions of your eyes. Green, like the blanket that hangs on the back of this chair, a blanket that hasn't been used since the last night we spent tangled on my couch. The last night you were alive. You folded it and hung it there, do you remember? Of course not, only my memories live on.
It's been forever and still, you're here. You stay with me. You haunt my dreams. Sometimes I wish you'd just set me free, but maybe I don't want to let you go. After all, it's not you that's holding on, is it? If I could find just one part of me that didn't love you… That's neither here nor there, though, because I can't. I loved you then and I love you now. I can't regret you, so maybe I'll never forget you.
A/N: On a lighter note, I may have found a beta for Crossing Lines, so YAY for that!