Author Note: ....I don't know if anyone has done a Christmas poem before but this dedication goes out to the best R/K fan I know….here you go Nannygirl!
Twas the Night before Christmas – Forman Style
Twas the night before Christmas, in Red Forman's house
Not a dumbass was snoring, not even Bob, soused
The stockings were hung in the basement with care
In hopes that some stoner had "something" to share
Eric and Laurie were snug in their beds
while visions of Luke Skywalker danced in one's head
Kitty in her pink rollers and Red's pillow warm
they had just settled down for a light winter's storm
When out on the driveway there arose such a clatter
Red sprang from his bed to see what was the matter
Away to the kitchen he flew like a flash
opening the patio doors, out the door he did dash
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to Red's wondering eyes should appear,
But a hippie, an orphan and the Loud One so near
With a sigh and a "crap" and a "foot up your ass"
They marched to the kitchen and stood by the glass
Red scratched his head, these freeloaders they came
He pointed and grumbled and called them by name
Wait Leo? Now Jackie? Now Steven - why aren't you in bed?"
Then into the kitchen came Eric and Laurie with Kettlehead
To the top of the basement! To the top of the stairs
they were dashed away, sent away! With nary a care
and then in a twinkling Red heard from the door
The sounds of kids grumbling and pacing the floor
As he closed off the basement and was turning around
Where Kitty's foam rollers were making a sound
"Red Forman you stop acting just like old Scrooge
And hiding the kids away from the food"
Kitty pulled out some cookies and brownies and more
and then there was a clamoring that came from the floor
Steven's eyes - how they twinkled, Leo's dimples how merry
Jackie's cheeks were like roses, Laurie's nose like a cherry
Eric's droll little mouth was drawn up in a smirk
That Kelso was wearing the stupid helmet - that jerk
Blankets and pillows and cots were laid out for rest
Kitty had a bed for each Christmas guest
With a wink of her eye and a twist of her finger
She beckoned her husband not long should he linger
His foot was still shaking, these dumbasses destroyed
His Christmas Eve slumber - his winter nap joy
Yet a kiss from his daughter and a hug from his son
Red Forman said "goodnight" and knew he was done
So he sprang to the stairs where Kitty had gone
then the orphan and loud one started to bond
Eric and Laurie; disgusted they scoffed
yet Kelso was still trying to get the stupid helmet off
Leo was sleeping somewhere like a mouse
and the tired kids felt the warmth of the house
and they all settled down to a brownie induced nap
where safe would they be from Red's "dumbass" and "crap"
Kitty rolled on her side and smiled at Red
"You did a good thing my dear, giving them beds"
"Well in the morning they better be out of my sight!"
"Happy Christmas Red Forman so kiss me good-night!"
A/N: Okay, so I wrote it on the fly but I was inspired but all the music on the radio – blame the commercialism of Christmas if you must…but don't hate the author!