Notes: this is dedicated to my dear Caspe (CS Whitewolf) for her birthday. It is a little late and not what I had planned for you but it is Snarry and it is for you. Thank you for the endless hours of slash centred fun and for everything else you have done for me over the last few years. I love you dearly like the fake half-sister you are.
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And all I can taste is this moment
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight"
Goo Goo Dolls: "Iris"
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It was the fifteenth of July, by which time Hogwarts was usually void of inhabitants other than Dumbledore in his tower, Hagrid in his hut and Filch feeling lost with no one to shout at. This year was rather different.
Every professor was there. A handful of seventh year students were there: Gryffindors, a few Ravenclaws, less Hufflepuffs, no Slytherins. The entire Order of the Phoenix. At half past five in the evening they all sat in silence around a single table in the centre of the Great Hall.
Above them the enchanted ceiling was still bright blue from the sun outside, faintest hints of pink to the west of the hall as sunset slowly crept upon them. Many chose to watch the wisps of white cloud as an excuse to avoid looking at the others there with them.
Food appeared on the golden plates, directing everyone's attention to the table top. Only some even pretended to eat. Harry wasn't one of them. An indefinite amount of time passed and conversation was attempted once only but fell flat on ears that merely wanted silence.
And so, they sat. And they waited. And they watched the sky and pushed the food around with their forks, all of them wanting to leave but none wanting to be the first to do so. Severus Snape broke the ice.
He stood from his chair in one fluid movement, palms splayed on the wooden surface as he nodded his dismissal to the rest of the group. Harry was next, no one was shocked. Every one watched him retreat, running his hands through his hair as he did so.
He reached the entrance hall, walking swiftly through the open doors and down the steps into the warm summer evening. Harry wrapped his arms around himself as he walked down the sloping path to the courtyard. His feet crunched on the stone slabs as he made his way through rows of flowering shrubs to sit on a worn stone bench.
A warm breeze blew around him, disrupting the flow from the fountain and causing water to drip onto the ground. Harry watched two birds hopping in and out of the plants, pecking at the dry ground. He tightened his grip on himself, eyes looking up to the slowly darkening sky.
He saw the first star of the night. In earlier days he had always clung to the belief that wishes do come true if your heart wants them bad enough. But, he was older now. He had seen so much, lost so much, too much to believe.
Just this once, however, he closed his eyes and he wished.
Without his sight, Harry's other senses began to sharpen. He can smell the sweet perfume of the flowers, feel the chipped stone of the bench catching his robes and hear the footsteps that came towards him, blocking out the high chirruping of the birds.
Harry knew those footsteps. They were the same ones that dogged his waking hours and haunted him as he slept. He could never escape them, he didn't want to escape them.
He felt someone lower themselves gracefully down beside him but his eyes remained closed.
"I didn't think wishing on stars worked." Harry said simply.
"It doesn't." A deep voice replied. Like the footsteps, the sound plagued Harry. Condescending, demeaning during the day but low and moaning at night.
"Forever the optimist aren't you?" Harry reasoned, however, that with an impending battle, optimism probably wasn't high on the priorities of most people.
"Last night was a mistake." After a moment, Harry's eyes fluttered open slowly, turning to meet the gaze of dark obsidian. Months of training helped him conceal the way his heart was slowly breaking.
"You were scared, you finally saw that soon you may be dead and so you sought comfort. I was wrong to provide that comfort. You were wrong to come to me." Harry looked down at his knees.
"It was you I wanted and I do not regret it. I don't see that it was a mistake." It was true, he didn't and he never would. Harry closed his eyes, feeling, seeing and hearing what had taken place the night before.
Down in the dungeons at Harry's presence ...bewilderment as he had placed a testing kiss on the thin lips of his now ex Potions Professor ...Severus kissing Harry back ...carrying him through onto a bed ...touching him ...moaning ...biting him ...moaning ...taking him ...moaning ...claiming him ...moaning ...thrusting ...screaming
Harry shivered at his memories and opened his eyes, keeping his focus on a patch of moss on the ground.
"I still want you..." He whispered, almost hoping that Severus hadn't heard.
"Well you cannot always have what you want Potter and I do not want you." Harry stared blankly ahead.
"You are lying." Severus sighed and Harry turned to look at him.
Suddenly Harry was struck with how much this war had taken out of everyone else. Just because he would be the one to deliver the final blow didn't mean that others were not involved. He had been selfish and he had been a fool.
Harry stood to leave but found himself halted by long fingers curling around his wrist.
"Yes..." Severus said quietly as he pulled Harry back down "I am lying..."
"Then why are you denying me?" Harry asked as he shifted his wrist, bringing his hand to rest in Severus'.
"I have seen more battles than you, countless times I have witnessed people clinging to one another as if a last moment tryst can save them. It is the last desperate act of the ill-fated."
This time it was Harry's turn to sigh heavily.
"I am ill-fated." Severus cupped a hand round Harry's cheek, bringing their foreheads together.
"Unsurprisingly you and I are in disagreement..." He took a long pause, unsure of what to say next. Harry could feel his breath warm against his face.
The air hung around them heavily until slowly, uncertain of the rationality of his own actions, Severus brought his lips forward. They met Harry's softly with no pressure behind them at all. He pulled away after mere seconds.
Harry's eyes remained closed as he ran his hands slowly up Severus' arms. The Potions Master stayed immobile, if the boy wanted him then, heaven save his soul, Severus would grant him that.
Harry's fingers ghosted up Severus' neck before tangling in the back of his dark hair. He brought Severus' lips back into his, harder and more insistent than before. Harry flicked his tongue out over the professors lips, silently begging him for more.
Severus tightened the grip of his hand around Harry's cheek as he opened his mouth to grant Harry access. With a bittersweet urgency their tongues moved, Harry sliding closer as he wrapped his arms around Severus' neck.
They broke apart, Harry moving his face and pressing it to the side of Severus' neck. Severus wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, bringing him in against his body.
"At least stay with me," Harry whispered into Severus' hair "...please..."
And Severus did.
He stayed with Harry all night, simply watching the sky until it grew too cold outside. He slept beside Harry, arms wrapped protectively around the young man.
He walked with Harry onto the battlefield. He waded through broken, bleeding bodies to be with Harry as he dealt the final blow, driving the Sword of Gryffindor into the hollow chest of the Dark Lord.....
He watched with horror as a green light from the wand of a nearby death eater encompassed Harry. But he didn't reach Harry to catch him before he hit the ground.