Monday, 11:30 pm Manhattan
Slinging through the city can get boring sometimes. Boring is good, boring means peaceful. Things were quieter than I liked them. I knew this was one of those classic "Calm before the Storm" nights. I was right, my Spider-Sense starting blaring. I jolted my head backward and saw something go right past my eyes. I looked to the right and saw a bullet hole in the wall. I guess someone wants Spidey dead...what's new. They must not know that a simple Snipe attempt wouldn't stop me. This person couldn't be very smart…

Many blocks away
CRAPOLA! He dodged. Do you know what it's like to wait 2 hours for someone to sling by only to have them dodge!? Oh well, I have all the time in the world. The name's Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth. And my latest hit, is to flush the little spider down the water spout…or shoot him, whichever opportunity present itself first.

Starbucks Tuesday 10:45 am
That sniper business from last night is still bothering me. How did they know I would sling by there, I doubt they just sat and waited with a gun. I got a full who, what, when, where, why and how form to fill out. I can't sit here and brainstorm who could have been behind it. Maybe I should head over in the direction that the bullet came from...maybe.

Burger King Bathroom 3:20 pm
Spider-Man, Spider-Man, gonna kill me a Spider-Man. Let me just, put on my face, and my guns, and my knives. Ooo catchy tune! Okay now I'm starting to doubt this plan. Wait, no I'm a genius. Just shoot up the BK Lounge, grab a bite and wait for him. It's not like Thor is gonna come instead...because that would really suck. I'll just try to keep it to one bullet per person; money is tight around the Deadhut lately.

Burger King 4:50 pm
I hate when I'm too late. Apparently some nutcase in red spandex shot up the place singing some song about me that he got from an old cartoon. I'm never one to assume but this guy has to be my attempted murderer. How much psychos do I know that wear red spandex? Too many to count.

Wednesday 4:00 pm
Good job DP, you wasted hundreds of bullets and got no spider. But you did get me some burgers so we're cool. Well you know what they say "At first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and shoot up another fast food spot"

Wendy's 6:07 pm
DEADPOOL! That idiot! Out of all the Looney Toons with guns in this world it's him? I asked him why he was after me, he said "A million smackaroos" I asked him who hired him and where are they, he said "The answer to your first question was shaddap!" then he pulled out twin AK's. Of course I webbed them away before he killed a random person. Then he threw out ninja stars. He's actually pretty good; he could do well if he was on the hero's team. If it wasn't for my spider-sense this fight would've been over in a jiffy. He ran out of stars and he was about to dig out more. I dashed over to him and threw a punch. Stupid mistake, he dodged and threw his own. It really sucks to fully know a hit is coming, but be completely unable to stop it. He made me go dizzy with that one. He pulled out a sword and started singing "Everybody long Kung-Fu Fighting". How can such a nutcase be so good? I go for a roundhouse and he ducks, another stupid mistake. I'm too smart to be fighting like this. But something about him just makes me throw all my common sense out the window. I don't know what happened after that

Deadhut Thursday 8:40 am
I woke him up with a little icy water. He was all "Where am I!?" and I was like "The answer to your first question was shaddap!" I love that line. I didn't remove the mask, I respect masks…I kind of wear one myself. He tried to break out of the chains I had him in. That made me wanna kick him! So I kicked him. I started talking to him, he's a cool guy. I could actually hang with him is he was on the Merc Team. Too bad he's gonna be dead soon!

Limo Friday 3:16 am
Good God that guy is a moron. He rambled on for hours about absolutely nothing. And it really scared me when talked as if I was responding to him. Watching someone talk to themselves is hard, watching Deadpool talk to himself for almost a full day is...horrific. But I'm in the back of a limo. Deadpool is sleeping next to me and 2 suit-wearing guys are in the front. This can't be good news. Deadpool woke up in a rage for a chimichanga. He even pulled out a gun. They stopped a Pizza Shop; I guess it would take him a couple of minutes to notice they don't have chimichangas there. This was my one chance…

Luigi's 4:14 am
LUIGI DIDN'T HAVE CHIMICHANGAS!!! Now Luigi has a bullet in his head. That's what I call Poetic Justice. Holy Macaroni the Spider is gone! Tommy the Driver gave up the info. This better not affect my paycheck! And I'm getting the feeling that this story isn't only being told in my perspective!

Kingpin's Office 4:23 am
It was all Kingpin. He hired Deadpool to capture me. He is now going to jail. He actually seemed surprised I wasn't in the package he ordered me in. To be fair Deadpool did his job, Tommy was the screw up. I took out his grunts but then he snuck up behind me with a sleeperhold. He started yelling his usual "I got you now" stuff. Then he instructed someone to finish me. Then I heard Deadpool say "For a bonus" they started arguing about whether Deadpool deserves his money. I guess Deadpool won the argument by slashing me free with his sword. More of Kingpin's minion-people came. Deadpool threw a teeth-breaking haymaker at one of them, I don't know why. Since he's a maniac I'm not gonna try to figure it out. Then the cops showed up. They instantly pointed guns at me as usual. Deadpool said "Hey I'm just your friendly neighborhood Deadpool, he's the real menace"...what a jerk. You know something is messed up when a person like that can get off scot-free but a person like me gets all the suspicion. The cops shot at me and I scrammed

Kingpin's Office 4:30 am
WOO! Killing in bunches can be a workout! The Spider got away, but I don't care. I stole my paycheck from the fat man and left. And that my friend is what I call a Happy Ending.