It was all so silent, all so black.
She was there.
She was still there.
Barely alive, but still breathing.
She could hear nothing, she could see nothing but blue.
The blue of the eyes of the man that was holding her in her lap and screaming, screaming, screaming and crying.
That's all that she could see.
The deep blue of the eyes of the man that was begging her not to live him, to stay awake, to stay with him.
He was holding her and promising things she couldn't quite hear but she knew she was in good hands.
He was looking right into her eyes, right into her soul and he was promising that she was going to be fine and that everything was going to be fine. She just had to stay strong and hold on.
"It's going to be fine. You're going to be okay" she smiled because the thought that was a lie and he wasn't so sure of it himself. It looked like he was saying that more to himself than her. He needed to know she was going to be okay because he couldn't lose her. She was too much, too important. She meant the world and he needed to tell her but not while she was bleeding in him arms because some fucking criminal out of their minds shot her. He needed to tell her calmly, while it was just the two of them. While the sun light up her beautiful red hair and her stunning smile and her deep eyes.
"Everything is going to be okay. I promise. The ambulance is coming. You just stay awake. Stay with me Carrie. Don't close your eyes and listen to my voice"
Everything was so blurry and she could barely hear what he was saying.
And then he looked up and looked relieved. Something happened but she couldn't quite understand what until she saw paramedics approaching to her and bringing her into the ambulance.
"I'm sorry sir,but you can't come with us"
"WHAT?!" he screamed "I'm-I'm her…Look I have to come she's-she's dying and I can't lose her and I'm just-I'm her partener" he was crying and he was about to break down because Carrie could die.
"I'm her husband" he shook his head "Ex-husband but I-"
What was he?
He loved her.
He loved her to the moon and back.
He needed her.
She was his world.
He could stare into those eyes for his entire life without growing tired.
He could hold her hand forever.
He could hold her to morning till night.
But what was he?
"Please" he begged. He cried. And he must have looked really broken and desperate because the guy allowed him to jump into the ambulance and stay with her.
He was doing something to her, talking about something that was going to help her breathe and then he gave a first look at the wound and it hurt. He was her flinch and she was shaking, but he could see that the oxygen was going back into her lungs. He had never seen her like this.
"Ehy,it's okay" he said in a soothing voice "You're strong, you're going to make it" he said and then she tried to say something.
"I'm scared" she whispered and then he saw her hand shake and he didn't think about it twice. He took her and into his and held it tight and squeezed, showing her that she was alive, that she could feel.
He looked at her. He couldn't just say 'you're going to be fine' because the truth was that he didn't know that either. A single tear fell on his cheek and he nodded, swallowing all the other tears he couldn't let free just know.
"I know" he whispered "I know you're scared and I know this is scaring because I'm scared too, but Carrie, I promise you that whatever happens, I'm going to be there for you. Okay? So you just do what you always do and be strong, fight. Don't give up. You're a badass cop an-and you're smart" he cried "You're so smart it literally blows my mind. And you're beautiful" he licked his lips and tried to steady his heartbeat "You're the most beautiful of all my exes" he laughed and she smiled.
"So please, I'm begging you, fight as hard as you can and come back to me okay?"
She didn't respond. She couldn't. But she stared into his eyes, into that blue that, along with his voice, calmed her. Suddenly she wasn't so afraid anymore.
And in a blink of an eye they were at the hospital and had to let her go. Let the doctor do their job. Let them save her. Let them save the love of his life.
He had to part from her and then he found himself in a waiting room. Sat on a dark old chair, surrounded by nothing but white,sad walls. His elbows on his knees.
Fits on him mouth and then on his forehead.
Tears on his face.
He loved her.
He loved her so damn much.
What was going to happen to him if she died?
He would have gone mad.
He couldn't lose her.
He was so sad. So broke down.
But then sadness became anger and he found himself hitting the wall and then sliding down on the floor and crying there. Crying all his tears, all his sadness and anger. All of it.
And then he saw them, the team, coming, rushing to him. Asking questions.
"What happened?"
"We were there and they were all practically dead. We were done. She was about to say something and apparently one of them wasn't dead, not completely at least, and he shot her. One moment she was smiling. She was looking at me and she was smiling and she was about to say something sassy, you know, the typical stuff she would say. But the moment after she was bleeding into my arms" and then he couldn't keep going. The tears in his throat blocked his voice and he just looked down, hands in his hair, blaming himself.
"I should have protected her. I could have. If I did she-"
"No. No Al. No. It's not your fault. It happened and it was her exactly like it could have been you"
"I wanted it to be me. I should have been me"
"Al, she's going to be fine. She's strong. Always have been. Always will be" Elliot said.
"But you have to get checked out" Jay said approaching him.
"DON'T TOUCH ME" he screamed
"You're hurt"
"IT'S NOT MY BLOOD. IT'S HERS. IT'S THE FUCKING BLOOD OF THE WOMAN I LOVE THAT IS NOW ON OPENED UP INTO A TABLE AND GOD KNOW IF SHE WILL EVER COME BACK TO ME. SO DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! SO JUST GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" he screamed. It was the first time he said it out aloud.
"IT'S HERS!" he screamed again and then he breathed. In and out. In and out. And once again he ended up on the floor.
"It's hers" he cried.
They didn't spoke another word. They just sat there, on the dark old chairs while Al stayed on the floor, staring at the ceiling.
"I love her" he said.
They all looked at him and Elliot say "We know Al"
"Yeah?" he whispered with tears in his eyes.
Murray nodded "From the way you look at her" she said.
"And the way you get jealous when other men are around her" Eliot added.
He chuckled. It was true. He was extremely jealous.
But everyone would be with a woman like Carrie.
"And we know she loves you back, Al" said Joanne.
"You are jealous indeed but she on another different level" they all laughed.
"Yeah" Jay said.
"She says she's not jealous and that you dating other women doesn't bother her but you can see her go green when you talk to or simply about other women. She says she's fine with it but it's clear that she wants to be the only woman in your life"
He chuckled again.
She was a precious gem and she was not going to leave him.
She needed to say right with him because that's where they both belonged.
With each other.
Hours passed and Al felt like he was going crazy but then a doctor came to them and he got up and went to him asking questions.
"How is she? "
"Is she okay? Is she going to be okay? "
"When can we see her? Can I see her?"
"Wh-"
"Okay Mr..?"
"Burns"
"Okay Mr Burns. She's fine. The surgery went well but it was hard on her so now she needs to rest as much as possible. The bullet was really close to her heart and this closer,would have killed her. But she's okay and she's going to be okay. And right now you can't all see her but one of you cal follow me"
Al looked at all of them,begging and they smiled at him "Of course. Go Al" Said Eliot and he realized a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"Follow me" The doctor took her to her room and as soon as he saw her he was so confused.
He didn't know what he wanted to do.
If sit there and cry till he had no more. Or go there, take her into his arms, thanking God for saving her. For giving them this other chance.
Eventually he decided to sat there, next to her ,take her hand and thank God for saving his love's life.
"It's okay Carrie. The doctor said you're going to be just fine and as I promised you, I'm going to be there" he whispered.
He sighed because she looked so unlike herself. So weak,so pale.
She was sleeping and he was glad for that because he didn't want her to see him like this.
He stroked her hair.
Her beautiful, red hair he has always loved so much and that smelled like cherry blossoms.
Her skin,smooth and pale.
And he realized he was crying.
He told himself to stop and be strong because she needed him.
He had needed her to be strong. And she had been. She had been stronger than anyone else in this world.
Now, she needed him to be strong and he was determined to be just as strong.
Then he laughed, it was impossible to be as strong as Carrie Wells but he would have got close to that.
He was going to be strong for her.
So he held her hands and stayed there.
All night. He stood by her.
He fell asleep on that chair, with his head on her bed, never leaving her hand.
And the morning after that hand told him that she was awake but that same hand squeezed his and he knew she was awake. She was okay and she was calling him.
He looked up immediately and saw her looking at him.
She looked tired but she looked stunning to him anyway.
"Carrie!" he exclaimed in a whisper.
She half smiled, everything hurt but she wanted to smile at him, because she was there and he was there with her and that meant to world to her.
"Ehy" she said, her voice showed that she was in pain.
"Ehy" he got up and sat on the bed "How are you feeling?"
"Like I've just been shot" he chuckled "Well, you certainly look like you've just been shot"
"Do I?"
"Indeed" he smiled "And I'm pretty sure some doctors out there enjoyed the view of some of your most beautiful parts"
She laughed but as soon as she did, she felt pain through her chest and all her body "Idiot, don't make me laugh" she said.
"Sorry" he smiled and took her hand again, brought it to his lips and kissed it "You scared me out there, Carrie"
"I know. I'm sorry"
"I – I just can't imagine what I would have done if you-if you-" he couldn't finish his sentence. He cried and he didn't want to but he couldn't help it.
"Ehy Al. Al,it's okay. I'm okay" she reached out and whipped his tears, bringing him a little closer to her. She was in so much pain, but it didn't matter.
"I'm okay and I promise I'm not going anywhere"
And then he looked at her. Into her eyes. Into her soul. And words came out before he could even think about it twice.
"Marry me"
Wide brown orbs looked back at him "W-What?"
"Look, I know it's crazy. And I know we were married and it didn't work but I want to marry you. I want to be your husband and I want you to be my wife. I want to call you my wife and not my partner or my ex wife. I want you to be my wife. I want it all. I want to buy a huge house and live in there until we grow old. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and I want to wake up to the scent of your hair all over my face"
She smiled
"I want to cook you disgusting breakfasts. I want to embarrass myself to death buying you tampons when you need them and you're out of them"
She laughed and ignored the pain.
"I want to take you out for dinner. I want to kiss you whenever I want just because I can. I want you to make remarks about me being messy. I want you to tie my tie and throw away all the ones you don't like, even if I do like them. And I want to fight about it and then make up for it, all night.
I want to do the laundry and ruin all you clothes and fight about it but ending it with a pillow fight or a tickling tight or something"
She was crying by now, but a smile was shining on her face.
"I want to hold you, and love you, and cherish you. I want to make you happy. I want to give you my time. I want to take care of you when you're sick and I want to be the baby of the situation when I am sick. I want to make fights and make the loser wash the dishes or take out the trash.
The point is, I love you and this, what happened yesterday, made me realize that there's no time to waste, and that there's not another day I want to spend without you. It made me realize that I want and need you in my life but as more than a partner. I don't want to share my desk at the office with you, I want to share everything with you" he wiped her tears and kept going "Being this close to losing you made me understand that you mean the world to me and that I want to marry you"
She smiled and cried. But she nodded. And then she laughed and brought him close saying "Yes! Yes. I'll marry you"
And then he kissed her and it was the best feeling in the world. They had kissed once or twice but now, it was totally different. It was more. It meant more. It was simply everything.
She flinched and he understood that sitting like that was painful so he let go and told her to lay again and he caressed her hair and kissed her forehead.
"It was the best proposal ever. On an hospital bed, after my chest was opened up to get a bullet out of it"
He chuckled "I have my charm"
"You do indeed" she smirked.
"Soooo" she draw patterns on the back of his hand "How long have you been so madly in love with the genius?" she asked and smiled at him
"Probably I never stopped"
"Yeah, that could be the same for me"
"Could?"
She laughed and felt that pain again "You know, for someone that claims to love me that much, you're causing me an huge amount of pain" she said and he laughed
"If you want I can leave" he pretended to get up but she grabbed his arm and pulled him right back where he was "Don't you dare" she said.
"You promised" she whispered and he looked at her. Into her eyes and nodded. Serious. Sure. Completely in love "I promised" he whispered and she had to take her eyes away from his because she blushed.
She looked down and bit her lip.
"What? You're telling me that Carrie Wells can be speechless and blush?"
"Can you shut up for a second?"
"I think you know how to make me"
"Yeah, I know one or two ways" she smiled
"Care to show me?" he got closer to her and kissed her nose
"Stop that" she slapped his chest "You know I hate it when you kiss my nose"
"Yes and that's exactly why I did it"
"So you can't stop pissing me off even when I nearly died?"
"I can't help it"
"Are you going to kiss me or not because if you're not you can-"
He kissed her.
Again.
Sweetly.
Lovingly.
Like she was everything to him. And she really was.
"Woho! I see someone feels better and someone else finally did the move we were all waiting for"
exclaimed Eliot and they parted and looked at all the team entering in the room.
"Hello Carrie. Happy to see that you're alive and in one piece" Eliot say going to kiss both of her cheeks.
"Happy to see you too Eliot" she smiled. She really was happy to see him. To see all of them.
They all kissed her and stopped there to talk with her and keep her company and while they all talked, Carrie and Al shared glances and Al never left her side or her hand for the matter.
"You know Carrie, you have to stop almost dying because it drives this one crazy" Eliot said pointing at Al.
"He was all cry baby in the waiting room, crying all the time and punching walls and screaming at us and crying again and again"
Al rolled her eyes while Carrie looked at him smirking
"I didn't cry that much"
"I think I cried all the water of his body" said Jay and Al protested "That's not true. I cried but not that much"
"You know Al, you can tell me that you were crying the oceans. I won't tell anyone else and above all I won't make fun of you"
"I. WAS. . THAT. MUCH" he said and pecked her lips.
"Oh and he also confessed his love for you.'THIS IS THE FUCKING BLOOD OF THE WOMAN I LOVE' I think he said something like this" Eliot was having too much fun.
Carrie saw his clothes and noticed her blood all over his shirt and looked at him with a sad but grateful smile.
"Okay when are you going somewhere to make more money Eliot?" asked Al annoyed,but not really.
"Yeah I probably should go but well, I needed to know if the my first money provider was okay, just to make sure she's going to be able to provide me even more money"
She laughed and then flinched but more than all the other times.
"Ehy,you okay?" Al got worried. She smiled and calmed him down "I am. Don't worry"
"You sure? Because I told you, you need to make me money" Eliot said and then winked.
She knew he was worried sick. Just as any other one in that room.
She knew that was his way to show that he cared for her and loved her.
She knew he really wanted to be okay.
"I'll go back to make you a lot of money soon enough"
"Better be very soon"
"Oh,leave the poor girl alone" Said Jo "You're so annoying"
"So are you"
"Me? You are. You're a total pain in the ass"
"And you're a bigger pain in the ass"
"Okay guys, enough or my brain is going to explode if I have to listen to you argue for another second" Jay protested.
Al looked at Carrie, who looked very very tired. They kept arguing but he was focused on her
"Ehy, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm just sore" she whispered and he nodded and then turned around to the rest of their team "Okay guys, you know what? I know we should leave her to rest. I mean,she got shot and she got a bullet out of her body..all in one day. I think the last thing she needs is you arguing about who's the most annoying" He wasn't mad, he was just inviting them to leave.
They all smiled at Carrie "You're right. We'll leave" Said Murray.
"Bye Carrie, see you and get well as soon as possible"
Jo told Al that he was going to bring a change of clothes for him and also for Carrie and he thanked her. Then he closed the door and looked at her beautiful fiancée.
"Wanna have a nap before the doctors come to check on you?" She nodded and he smiled back at her.
He kissed the crown of her head and she looked at him in the eye "I love you Al"
He smiled.
"I love you too Carrie"
He sat back on that chair and watched her sleeping and being there, with him. He tightened the hold on her hand and kissed in once more.
He just wanted to take her home and start their life together.
Because he loved that woman.
He loved that woman so damn much.