Have you ever had to admit to yourself that you like your best friend as so much more than that?
Did it break your heart each and every time he kisses her passionately and with all of his heart, but with her barely reacting?
Have you ever cut yourself on purpose because the emotional pain was so overwhelming that the only way to make you feel okay, for lack of a better word, again was to make it physical pain instead?
Has it ever hurt so much that sometimes you want to commit suicide, but had to keep going because he would be so sad and disappointed in you if you did end your life?
Did it hurt you every day, every minute, every second, that you see then together, him so blatantly in love with her?
Have you ever caught yourself thinking that you can't wait to be by yourself, not just to release the pain, but also to feel the high that cutting gives you?
Did you ever see them together and had this all-consuming need to go over to them and scream that she doesn't deserve him? That she doesn't really love him, but that you do? That you, and only you, are meant for him?
Have you ever cut yourself trying desperately to find the same high you got the first time but not being able to and therefore getting angry with yourself for not being able to do anything right, making you cut more?
Has it ever gotten so out of control that you run off to cut almost anytime you see them together?
Have you ever had to go through life with everyone thinking that you are just being an overly dramatic teenager and that everything is fine and dandy, while inside you're screaming?
Have you ever had your best friend talk to you about how perfect his girlfriend is, whereas you're miserably thinking of how you're dying to capture his perfect lips, knowing all the while he's straighter than an arrow?
Have you ever not been able to look him in the eye when he asked if you were alright because it was impossible to lie to him, and you couldn't just tell him that no, nothing was alright, everything was too fucked up for anything to be alright?
Have you ever had to stop yourself from leaning in closer to you best friend and smelling that delectable sent that is so unbelievably enticing and uniquely him, while failing miserably?
I, Sirius Black, unfortunately have to admit that this has happened to me. All of it. Every miserable second of this utter shit. And I hate it. I loathe it. I despise it. I abhor it. I detest it. I abominate it. As you can tell, Remus Lupin, my best friend and the love of my life, has been making me read the dictionary again. The only good thing that has come from this is that Remus has never had to go through this kind of pain, of rejection, of heartbreak. Unfortunately, he will never reciprocate my feelings. I am doomed to live with this heartache for the rest of my life. And I shall forevermore live this horrid life with a smile on my face since it will make my Remus happy.