Career Adjustment

Synopsis: Due to an "accident" at Shinra tower, everyone is now fired until further notice.

"I don't want people to think my executives are lazy, so I have managed to get jobs for you all. Reach into the box and pull out a new profession," he said, lips curled into a grin that could rival the Cheshire cat.

Warnings: Mature humor, crude humor, language, eventual smut

Hello, this story was an idea I'd been toying with for awhile and finally decided to write it! Just a heads up, if yaoi bothers you then this story is not for you. If minor het (and I mean minor) bothers you then please don't read. With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy this silly fic. I also love reader feedback and its a big encouragement.

Rufus was at his indoor golf course, dressed up in his best golf wear. The artificial grass looked gorgeous, stretched green and luscious across an acre of space. He had his shot lined up. He inhaled and then exhaled, trying to calm his mind and focus on the shot.

Tseng stood a few feet behind him, arms crossed with a bored look on his face. Watching his boss play golf was just about as dull as it got. He yawned and immediately regretted it.

Rufus shot him a fierce glare. "Hey Tseng, Shut up!"

Tseng nodded in apology. Rufus turned his attention back to his game and lined his club up with the ball. He breathed again before he lifted his iron, ready to take a swing when the caddy sneezed.

"Hey! Stop sneezing when I'm trying to make a shot!" the blond screeched.

"Sorry, Sir," the boy said. Tseng frowned at the kid. He was new, but he'd soon learn.

"Shut up goddamnit!" Rufus spat.

The boy's lips closed tightly shut and he lowered his head. Tseng felt sorry for the kid. No one should have to deal with Rufus when he was having a bad golf day.

Once again, he readied his shot and made to swing, but this time a loud explosion erupted and shook the entire ground. The boy next to him gasped and the Turk grabbed his gun. He rushed toward Rufus, who was spewing every foul word that had ever been written or thought of. Tseng grabbed Rufus and pulled him down into a crouching position on the ground. The boy rushed over to them, wanting to feel somewhat safe. Tseng's radio cracked to life within seconds after the blast.

"Ay, you alright bossman?" Reno's voice came crackling through.

"Rufus and I are fine," he responded.

"Fine?" Rufus scowled behind him. "I missed my shot!"

Tseng rolled his eyes.

"We are fine. What's going on?"

As soon as the words had left his mouth, he saw a dark mist spewing from the vents two hundred feet above him. All the vents started releasing the mist and he swore. He grabbed Rufus and motioned for the caddy to follow.

"We need to get out of here," Tseng said.

"Damn, and that was totally going to be my best shot!" Rufus grumbled.

Tseng ignored him and led them to the staircase. The blond recoiled.

"The stairs Tseng! Why the stairs! We're on the 50th floor," he complained.

"Its standard procedure to not use machinery during an emergency," he informed.

"Stop talking like a robot!"

Tseng sighed. He figured Rufus wasn't going to walk so he picked the brat up, caring him bridal style as he rushed down the stairs, the boy trailing behind. Fifty flights wasn't easy, but they made it within a few minutes. When he got to the door of the first floor, he looked through the window of the door and saw nothing but darkness. The entire floor was covered in the mist. He'd have to find another way out.

He knew of a secret escape route. The oddly colored cement on the floor was actually an indication of a tunnel. He shifted the cement block to reveal the hidden entrance.

"Um, I have to go down there?" Rufus asked, looking disgusted.

"Yes," Tseng answered evenly. The blond scowled as he climbed down the ladder after Tseng, the boy following behind him. Once Tseng touched the ground, he reached up to help Rufus and the caddy down.

"It smells like an underground brothel full of unwashed, infected cat whores," the blond stated. Though Tseng thought the description vulgar, he was right. It smelled horribly wretched. The caddy had to cover his mouth to keep the bile from coming up.

"This way," Tseng said. They walked down the moist, smelly corridor while pinching their noses.

"This place is wet and disgusting, like the girls at the Honey Bee Inn," Rufus commented. Tseng shook his head. Why was his boss so crude? He may have been eighteen and the vice president of the largest company in the world, but that was no excuse for his uncouth mouth.

Tseng spotted the exit and rushed up ahead to inspect it. He climbed up the sticky, metal ladder, suddenly very glad he had his gloves on. The latch above required a few turns and he pushed it open. As if opening Pandora's box, mass screams assaulted his ears. He poked his head out to see people running from the building in masse. His dark eyes scanned the area to see if he could spot his unit. He didn't see them, but he did find General Sephiroth rather easily. He was the only one walking leisurely in a mass of running, terrified people.

"General, Sir!" he called out, and Sephiroth's enhanced ears picked up the sound. He halted and looked in the direction he heard his name. Tseng waved a hand at the man and the General walked briskly over to him. It was quite an interesting sight to see the man walking against the crowd, yet he still managed to make his way through. People even in their fear instinctually formed a bubble around him, avoiding being in his path.

"Tseng," he said as he extended his hand to the Turk. Tseng felt bad giving him a sticky hand, but Sephiroth didn't seem to mind. Once he was out, he helped Rufus and the boy up too.

"Damn it feels good to inhale this toxic air," Rufus jested.

"Thank you for your assistance," Tseng said, bowing slightly. Sephiroth gave a slight smirk.

"See, even Sephiroth thinks you sound like a robot," the blond vice president said amused. His sharp blue eyes fixed on the General and he bit his lip, clearly liking the sight. Tseng shook his head and pulled out his two way receiver.

"Is the president safe?" he asked, hoping one of his Turks would answer.

"Um," that was Reno's voice, "Yeah?"

"You do not sound sure," he said, picking up on Reno's tone.

"Well, we got him and he's alive, but…"

"But what?"

"Um, he's like… black yo. Like solid black. He looks like a rock or something."

As Tseng tried to rationalize what Reno had said, Rufus snatched the receiver out of his hands.

"What do you mean he's like a rock? He's dead!" the young VP shouted.

"Yo, man. Ease up on the mic. Damn that hurt."

"Reno you dumbass just tell me what's going on!"

"Stop yelling yo! I said he was alive he jus' don't look right."

Tseng grabbed the receiver from Rufus and the youth pouted.

"Reno, where are you now?" the Turk asked.

"We're in a van. Headin' to the hospital."

"Which Turks are with you?"

"I got all tits in here boss, umph!" The red head grunted, no doubt one of the female Turks had punched him.

"Refrain from such speech, Reno. Do you know anything about Heidegger, Scarlet or Reeve?"

"Or Genesis and Angeal?" Sephiroth suddenly spoke up. His voice and expression remained neutral and Tseng could not read him.

"Fat ass is here with me," he said, and an offended "Hey!" sounded in the background from Heidegger. "I saw scarlet leave with her horde of female engineers and Reeve left earlier today. Lucky son of a -."

"Reno," Tseng interrupted. "What about Genesis and Angeal?"

"Dunno about them. Sorry yo."

"Thanks for the update. I'll speak with you later."

Tseng clipped the device to his pocket and turned his attention to the General.

"Perhaps they have already made it out?"

They all looked up at the building that was becoming engulfed in the black mist, floor by floor.

"What is that shit?" Rufus asked.

"I do not know."

A loud, harsh cough got their attention as professor Hojo and Dr. Hollander stumbled out of the mist. It was then that Tseng knew what Reno had meant by his description. Professor Hojo was leaning heavily on Hollander; his body was almost solid black, save for some splotches on his hands. Tseng rushed to his side, and though he expected Sephiroth to help, the man just stared blankly at Hojo.

"Eww, that's gross," Rufus said, taking a step back away from the approaching men.

"What happened?" the Turk asked.

Hojo smirked, revealing black teeth. He shrugged his heavy shoulders and chuckled darkly before he managed to get out one raspy sound.

"Oops."

After Tseng had called for an ambulance for Hojo, Sephiroth departed when the Turk, Hollander and Rufus rode in the ambulance. The caddy boy was left behind and Sephiroth told him to go home. When the boy had told him he lived in the tower dorms, Sephiroth mentally swore at the sudden realization.

Shit, I live there too…

He didn't have a choice but to let the boy follow him. He could practically feel the boy's nerves as he walked behind Sephiroth. The General knew he was pretty imposing and he hoped he wasn't scaring the boy too much.

"Sephiroth baby!" he heard a familiar voice shriek. He frowned as he saw his red haired companion bounding over to him, with arms wide open.

"My love!" the redhead said as he tried to pounce. Sephiroth socked him when he was in range and the red General fell to the ground, very dramatically.

"You ass hole! I was just happy to see you were ok!" Genesis scowled, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Son of a whore that hurt!"

"Where is Angeal?" he asked. Genesis smirked as he stood up; a slight chuckle left his lips.

"He's with your heart! Because obviously you care about him more than me!"

Sephiroth offered a small grin of his own. "You got that right." He teased.

Having gathered his bearings, Genesis flipped his hair and waltzed over to the silver General. He noticed the boy standing behind the man and smiled.

"Your boy toy of the night?" He asked sarcastically.

Sephiroth rolled his eyes at Genesis' lack of tack. He could see why he and Rufus got along so well. They had no discretion, and seemed to like shocking people with their outrageousness. Oddly enough, Genesis hated Reno, even though Reno could be just as ill-mannered.

"He's a cadet you idiot."

The boy shuffled awkwardly and looked at his feet. Genesis loved to mess with the shy ones, and placed his gloved fingers underneath the boy's chin, lifting it slightly. The boy's stunning blue eyes widened in anxiety.

"You wanna get sandwiched between Sephiroth and I? I assure you…"

The red head was suddenly yanked back by the collar of his jacket.

"Stop it," he scolded and Genesis shrugged his arms. Where the hell was Angeal?

The boy blushed madly and Sephiroth thought that the youth was attractive for his age. It then donned on him that there were probably other cadets as well that were confused and just as scared.

"Come on Genesis," he said, releasing the red General's coat. "Let's go round up lost cadets."

"Fine," Genesis said. "Let's go boy!"

"Cloud."

"What?"

"My name is Cloud." The blond informed.

"Well Cloud, how would you like to be sandwiched…"

The silver General had slapped him in the back of the head this time. He walked forward and the boy followed, while Genesis trailed behind them scowling.

At the hospital, Rufus had rushed to his dad's side. The doctors had stabilized him and he now lay in bed, looking like an obsidian statue. Tseng was actually surprised to see Rufus sitting by his dad's side, his bright blue eyes scanning over his father's form. Maybe Rufus did care about his father.

"He looks like dog shit that's been baked in the sun," the blond said, bringing a sigh to Tseng's lips at his words. Of course Rufus didn't care about his father.

"Hey, die already so I can have your company," the youth said plainly.

His father groaned and Tseng moved to his side. Rufus leaned in closer as well.

"He wakin' up?" Reno asked, standing in the corner.

Tseng nodded. His eyes should have been blue but they were both met with solid black irises. The man wheezed and turned his head to Rufus.

"Come closer son," he said, voice sounding raspy.

Rufus did. "What is it?"

The older Shinra suddenly coughed and reached up to grasp his son's white collared shirt. His eyes widened and he gripped Rufus' shirt tighter, pulling him closer before yelling.

"You're not getting my company yet you little shit! I'm not dying tonight! Hahahahaha!"

Rufus scowled and slapped the man's hand away from him. He growled and stormed out of the room. Reno was laughing his ass off, holding his stomach. Tseng frowned and signaled for the red head to follow the blond. He left still laughing and Tseng shook his head.

"Tseng," the man below called out.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Rufus is in charge until I…until I…"

The man passed back out and Tseng knew he would not awaken for awhile. Apparently he had been on the borders of conscious when he heard Rufus speak and had used the last of his strength to tell him that. Tseng left the room in search of Rufus after the doctor informed him of the President's condition. There were people everywhere in the hectic hospital. A lot more patients than doctors or nurses.

He found Rufus cussing out Reno, most likely because he was laughing still.

"Your dad got you good! Oh shit that was funny!" the red head said.

"Enough, Reno," Tseng said sharply before Rufus could retort.

"Ah come on boss, I was just messing with him. Right little Ruffy!"

"Shut up Reno, or I'll…"

"You'll what? You don't control the Turks! No one controls us!"

Tseng watched, not amused as his second in command stood up on a nearby bench with his hands on his hips.

"I have no master! I am my own man. The Turks…"

"Are now under Rufus' control," Tseng interjected. Rufus and Reno shot him a surprised looks.

"What?" they both said in unison.

"The President has slipped into a coma, which means Rufus is in charge while he is incapacitated."

Rufus smirked at the red haired Turk whose face turned somber.

"Ahh, fuck," Reno said.

Rufus smirked as he pushed Reno off the bench and took his place.

"Tseng, figure out how this happened and keep me posted. Also, schedule a meeting with my executives tomorrow."

"Yes, Sir."

The blond then turned to Reno pointed down at him.

"Call Reeve and tell him he's in charge of displacement. You will stay with me and assist me in whatever I ask."

"God damn it," the Turk whined.

Rufus just smirked, bright eyes sparkling with purpose and mischief.

Well I hope you've enjoyed!

I can't for you guys to see what's in the profession box.

If you have any jobs you wanna see, drop a review. They might already be in there...hehe

Thanks again!