The auditorium is packed with an audience of one thousand petite, well-dressed men and women. The murmuring din of five hundred conversations dies as the lights dim, leaving only the stage illuminated. Out onto the stage steps a Tuffle made even more diminutive than the others of his race by his two centuries of life. He is dressed in a metallic blue lab coat that drags behind him on the floor.
He approaches the podium, followed by two much larger men, dressed in rags, as they carry onto the stage a broad television screen. Doctor Lychee begins his lecture.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." His voice is raspy in a way to suggest his own throat has rusted over. "It is an honor to have gathered here the thousand greatest scientific minds on Planet Plant. In four years, we will mark the fourth centennial of our glorious civilization-four centuries of uninterrupted peace and prosperity."
The doctor is met with a wave of approving mutterings and light applause.
"The Department of Scientific Progress and Homeworld Order has gathered us here today to ensure that the Tuffle people may enjoy another four hundred years and beyond of the abundance we have all come to enjoy, thanks entirely to the efforts of the brilliant men and women sitting in this hall today. Every academic in the world understands that key to the continued prosperity of our people lies within the tireless scientific investigation into the problem of our shared ancestry with the Saiyans."
The audience murmurs a bit more. Dr. Lychee continues: "Many of you belong to the new generation of science reinvigorating the DSPHO with the youthful vitality we of the 'old guard' so rightfully envy." The doctor demonstrative lyrics tugs at his silver beard, prompting polite titters from the front rows. "It is an honor to pass the torch to the next great generation of Tuffle scientists, but I implore you to accept the wisdom I and my fellow codgers have gained through hard-won experience."
He breathes deeply. "Many of you are too young to remember what happened in 530. That was the first time in a century our beautiful satellite reached halfway through its synod." The audience murmurs again, this time with grim sobriety. "The Tuffles witnessed the most horrifying event in the history of our world since the coming of Chilld the Arcosian." He turns to the two men in rags. "Boys, if you please."
The two men walk around to the back of the screen and with a startling click illuminate the audience with a diagram of a similarly large man with a tail, vivisected by lines indicating the organic pathways of his internal body.
"With the rising of the full moon, we Tuffles soon discovered a terrible affliction among our loyal servants. Those Saiyans who happened to lay eyes on the moon that night erupted into... boys, would you?"
The screen clicks again, and the audience gasps and recoil at the image now displayed: an actual photograph of a gigantic, monstrous ape, trudging through a Tuffle city with murderous ecstasy.
"This. This thing recalls in its appearance the primeval form of the ancestor we Tuffles and Saiyans share: the Sadalian." The screen clicks again, and a much smaller and infinitely less threatening version of the previous ape is displayed, picking the fleas off of a similar ape. "Thanks to the research conducted over the decades by the new generation of Tuffle scientists, in cooperation with the 'old guard,' we have come to a better understanding of the role the Sadalians played in the divergence of the Tuffle and Saiyan races from our Plantian ancestors."
The ragged men click the screen once again, and it now displays a taxonomic timeline, beginning with the diminutive, upright invertebrates known as the Plantians. The line extends from there and reaches an image of the ape, at which point it diverges into two branches, one signified with a diminutive and civilized Tuffle, and the other signified with a hulking and barbaric Saiyan.
"Research demonstrates that our races diverged following the introduction of the Sadalians to Plant after their homeworld was mysteriously destroyed. The cause of the destruction remains unknown, but thankfully Plant explorers were able to rescue a colony of the Sadalians before the cataclysm occurred circa B.A. 238, preserving a curious part of the galactic ecosystem. Legend has it, in fact, that it was none other than God himself who foresaw the destruction of Sadal and, out of his infinite compassion, led the Plantians to rescue the poor beasts." The audience laughs affectionately. "Pleasant as this story is, we may never know the real reason for the rescue of the Sadalians. However, we have discovered in recent times that the separate modern-day races of our world owe their existence to this act of compassion. DNA testing among our populations reveals that the Tuffles and Saiyans share ancestry with both Sadalians and Plantians; Tuffles, of course, owe more of their genetic makeup to the Plantians, whereas the Saiyan bloodline resulted from more chaotic and wider interbreeding between the two."
Dr. Lychee clears his throat and takes a sip of water from a glass sitting on the podium. "It was roughly four centuries ago that the ancient Tuffles recognized the innate differences in cognitive ability between our race and the Saiyans. It was by this distinction that Tuffle civilization as we know it today began. Further interbreeding with the Saiyan brood was mercifully outlawed, and a caste system was set into place to preserve the true order of nature and the mighty Tuffle culture. We owe it to our Sadalian blood that the original cognitive prowess of the Plantians happened to be magnified, due to certain recessive traits that limited interbreeding happened to trigger, but, as is plain to any Tuffle, the unrestricted mixing of the races that resulted in the Saiyans, while certainly resulting in an increased intellectual capacity compared to our Sadalian ancestors, also stunted further cognitive development. This is what left our Saiyans in such great need of the civilizing effect of Tuffle rule and made them fit for servitude."
A wave of approving but indistinguishable sounds emits from the audience.
"But in 530," says the doctor, deflating the energy of the hall, "we Tuffles discovered the true danger of the Saiyans. Thousands of our people were destroyed in the unpredictable calamity that followed the rising of the moon. When at last the sun rose and our nightmare ended, these Saiyan apes returned to their previous guise and were rightly executed on the spot. Those of us who were alive during that time remember that the DSPHO recalled all Saiyan servants dispensed to the general population, intent on discovering why the remaining Saiyans had failed to transform."
The screen clicks one last time, and an image of the moon takes the center. Around it is sketched a diagram indicating radiation and light emitted from the satellite. "In the ensuing century, we have been able to determine that this transformation was triggered by a relatively recent development in the evolution of Saiyan biology. My esteemed colleague Dr. Blutz pioneered the investigation of the peculiar kind of radiation emitted when the moon reflects light in a complete circle, which we have, in his memory, named 'Blutz waves.' When enough light is reflected off of the surface of the moon, it will give off exactly 17 million units of Blutz waves, called 'xeno.' Legends and wives' tales have always suggested that Saiyans behave strangely on the night of the full moon, an event we can only witness once every hundred years. But now, we have found that Saiyan biology has changed to accommodate the absorption of Blutz waves through the eyes. And advances in physiological study have allowed us to learn that these Blutz waves trigger a reaction with chemicals that are stored in the tails of the Saiyan."
The audience erupts. Between only a thousand members begins three thousand conversations, the minds of the men and women there set aflame by this new discovery. The two ragged men emerge from behind the screen and stand at either side of Dr. Lychee.
"In four years, we will observe both the fourth centennial of our civilization and the hundredth anniversary of the Full Moon Massacre. As you can see, I have already had my Saiyans de-tailed, and the result is that they are much more docile servants and infinitely more amenable to instruction than they ever have been before."
The audience explodes into applause and cheering.
"The DSPHO-please, ladies and gentlemen-the DSPHO has hereby made mandatory the de-tailing of all registered Saiyan servants."
Dr. Lychee waves to his servants, who silently power down the television screen and carry it off of the stage.
"Unregistered servants will be destroyed on sight, and no Saiyans from the hinterland will be permitted into Tuffle space without submission to the de-tailing process. The DSPHO advises all Tuffles to remain indoors on the night of the full moon as the Hinterland Patrol secures the border. This warning will be broadcast in the months leading up to the night the moon reaches full illumination."
The crowd of scientists applauds, and Dr. Lychee salutes his audience and parts with the words: "May Tuffle stewardship of Planet Plant endure until one thousand years, and then for another thousand more!"