No idea...It's Captain's fault somehow… in a roundabout way… Well...that's unfair; this came from my brain. My brain is a scary place sometimes. Captain and I wanted all the crack out of my brain while I'm writing a very not-crack fic. So approach with caution; there be crack ahead.
Disclaimer: I don't own the WWE. I do own Intern Eve.
AN: Intern Eve is an OC that appears in mine and Captain's fics on occasion. If anything weird happens in the WWE, we blame her. She tends to appear in a lot of my crack stories...
Quite honestly, it was a fantastic day in Dean's book. He knew it was destined to be so as soon as he found out he was tag teaming against Seth with Roman that night. This made his night amazing for a couple of reasons. First, it was always enjoyable to be able to work with Roman and Seth since they were still very good friends (more like brothers), and he was of the opinion that he didn't get to spend nearly enough time with them. Second, he just worked well with them; working with each other for so long led them to know how each of them worked: how they moved, how they thought. And Dean knew Seth even considered him his wrestling soulmate (the sap) since they had a tendency of bringing out the best in each other during a match.
So being able to work with Roman and Seth definitely had been great, but catering really made the night. When the three went to catering, they discovered that someone had included a sundae bar in honor of Dairy Appreciation Day, which apparently was a something the WWE was secretly passionate about. Who would have known? Although, ironically enough, the catering company had chosen to use non-dairy, soy-based frozen yogurt out of respect for anyone who was a practicing vegan...
But there was something borderline magical about being able to eat a sickeningly sweet concoction of ice cream (frozen yogurt) and toppings, especially since Dean had burned so many calories during his match and his daily workout. Seth wouldn't even be able to nag him about eating this beauty (Seth would call it a monstrosity); although, it's not like Dean ever really listened to Seth's nagging before... Why would he start now?
Dean eyed his sinfully delicious looking mountain of ice cream (ahem, frozen yogurt), whipped cream, M&M's, and crumbled oreos in sober appreciation. And when he said "mountain" he meant a mountain! They were given a ridiculous amount of sugar, which Dean was perfectly fine with. Just the thought of delving into this glorious concoction of sugar and chocolate was enough to make him salivate.
He couldn't help but appreciate the oreo to M&M ratio being employed by his expert sensibilities. Heh, and Seth thought Dean knew nothing about the intricacies of balancing flavor and texture when it came to cooking. Joke was on him; you only had to glance at Dean's sundae to realize that Dean had created perfection. Blissful ice cream (frozen yogurt as to not offend the vegans - remember?) perfection...The best kind of perfection in his opinion...
As he absentmindedly followed Seth to go sit at a table, he never looked away from his prize. The fact he used a combination of chocolate and vanilla ice cream (Frozen yogurt, don't you pay attention to your food?) really would make the sundae work on a whole new level.
Dean was so engrossed in his sundae that he hadn't even realized Seth had stopped in front of him, so he ran into the high flyer, which wasn't too big of a deal since they were so close. Seth wouldn't mind, normally.
However…
Since he had been leading with his sundae cradled in his hands like an offering to propitiate the gods above him, he ended up smashing the delicate layers of frozen yogurt (ice cream! Oh wait, never mind, you're right for once), hot fudge, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, crumbled oreos, M&M's, etc. onto Seth's stationary back. The fact that he was still in his ring gear and sans a shirt probably didn't help his cause one bit…
Dean retracted his poor sundae from Seth's back and wondered if he noticed.
"Dean?" Seth's voice was eerily calm.
"Yeah?"
"Did you just spill ice cream on me?"
"Nope"
A moment of silence passed as every eye in catering focused in on them. Well...every eye except for Roman who was still walking towards their table, unaware of what was transpiring.
"Oh really? Then why is my back all cold?" Seth reached behind him and felt the sticky patch of syrup. "And why is there chocolate syrup on me?"
"I didn't spill ice cream on you," Dean said in a complete deadpan. "That would be impossible since they're only serving frozen yogurt tonight."
Seth turned around very slowly, still holding his own sundae. "Dean, oh brother of mine, I'm going to kill you."
Dean stared at Seth. "Well, in that case…" He lobbed the remainder of his sundae at Seth and hit him on the forehead.
Seth carefully wiped his eyes clear from the slowly dripping trails of melting ice cream (frozen yogurt - it's not that difficult!). Then with the agility of a leopard he chucked a handful of his own ice cream (Frozen Yogurt!) at Dean, hitting the lunatic fringe in the face.
Dean let out a mad cackle, which caused most of the superstars to flee catering out of fear for their lives. He reached over to a nearby, newly vacated table to grab an abandoned container of frozen yogurt (hallelujah!). "Way too many chocolate chips," he muttered to himself as he flung a handful at Seth, who had tried to dodge, and he managed to hit Seth's torso.
Seth retaliated with a lovely throw, which looked a lot like a well-aimed freethrow shot. It arched gracefully and plopped right on the top of Dean's head. Dean shivered as the cold dripped down the back of his neck, and he ducked behind a chair.
Dean made the executive decision that he was acting too much out of fear and conservativeness. He needed to execute a more violent offense. He needed to be offensively offensive. Grabbing another abandoned sundae, Dean sprang out and practically pounced on a naive, not-expecting-Dean-to-transform-into-Rambo Seth. He smooshed his arsenal of ice cream (FROZEN YOGURT) and caramel into Seth's long hair. He cackled while Seth cussed him out.
"What the hell are you two doing?"
At the sound of Roman's question, the two men scrambled to their feet and tried to look as dignified and innocent as possible.
"Nothing," Seth said, hurriedly.
"Thought my shoe was untied," Dean said with a casual shrug, and Seth shot him a disbelieving look.
As convincing as the two were (not very), Roman noticed the globs of frozen yogurt (Very good!) and sundae toppings accumulated on his two little brothers.
Dean glanced at Seth with a sly glint in his eyes, and Seth smirked. Simultaneously, they launched their bowls of ice cream (Frozen- you know what? I quit. Just call it ice cream even though it isn't!) at the Samoan powerhouse. He carefully flicked some sticky hair out of his eyes and glared at his brothers. "You both know this means war, right?"
Dean's eyes widened, and Seth might have squeaked slightly as Roman grabbed a handful of ice cream to chuck at them...
From a safe distance away, Intern Eve snapped a couple of picture of the sundae-covered Superstars for the WWE Instagram page. The higher ups wanted some good examples of what the Superstars were like behind the scenes? Well, they were getting examples all right. She held up her phone just as Seth turned towards her. She froze as he made eye contact with her.
A small trickle of drool escaped the corner of Intern Eve's mouth as she continued to stare at the scene in front of her. She didn't move, not even to blink.
"Eve? Intern Eve? Are you okay?" Seth asked concerned.
Dean snapped his fingers in front of her face with no result at all. "Great, we broke her."
Roman chuckled. "Maybe she's finally lost it."
Seth snorted. "What do you mean 'finally'? She's never had it to begin with! She's insane! That's the lady that almost got creative to rebrand me as "Seth the Sheep Dawg Rollins"! She wanted to make me wear a fluffy dog costume!"
Roman and Dean exchanged looks before Dean said, "No way."
Seth shook his head. "Why would I make something like that up? She's evil!"
"I wonder what she's thinking about?" Roman mused.
"Hey Intern Eve..."
""Hey Intern Eve, can I call you just Eve?" The high flyer rubbed a hand across his six pack abs as he gazed at her.
"What's wrong, darling?" Dean asked in his near-growl of a voice. He carefully picked a maraschino cherry off of Seth's shoulder and popped it into his mouth. "Don't you want to join us?"
"Babygirl," Roman purred out, "you need to help me out. I'm all covered in this sticky ice cream…"
"Frozen yogurt," Seth whispered.
"Eh, we probably don't wanna know," Dean said shrugging.
Seth nodded. "It's never anything good."
Suddenly, Eve blinked at the men in front of her.
"Hey, are you okay, babygirl?" Roman asked her out of concern.
She blinked at Roman. "Oh...I'm fine. I just had the most brilliant idea. I need to talk to Creative!" She beamed at the three before turning from the room and sprinting away from the scene.
Seth groaned as he swiped some ice cream coated hair out of his face. "We're in trouble. We'll be called back to NXT and rebranded next week as ice cream truck drivers or something." Seth began walking away, muttering about unflattering aprons and the logistics of food licenses.
Roman looked at Dean. "You don't think he's right, do you? I don't really want to wear a hairnet or something."
Dean shrugged. "He's probably just paranoid. All that bleach affects the brain, you know. That's why models are so crazy."
About a week later
"Wait, we're going to compete in a what kind of match?" Seth asked in alarm.
"You gotta be kidding me," Dean muttered under his breath.
Hunter shook his head. "I'm sorry, guys. I have no idea who in Creative came up with this and who would approve it… But you three will compete next Monday at our first ever Women for WWE Night in our first ever Sundae slam."
Seth began speaking, "Let me get this straight, we'll be covered in ice cream-"
"Frozen yogurt," Roman corrected.
"Right, frozen yogurt, whipped cream, and chocolate syrup-" Seth continued.
Roman cleared his throat, uncomfortably. "And don't forget, we'll all be wearing only trunks…"
Seth frowned. "Right, can't forget that fact… in trunks in front of the largest group of women ever in attendance of RAW, and that's a coincidence? It's not some weird reverse sexism thing to get more women viewers?"
Roman nodded in agreement. "I feel like I'm being exploited."
Dean shook his head. "Am I just a slab of meat to you?"
Hunter scratched his head. "I mean Stephanie seemed very enthusiastic about this RAW, but that's because she's a strong, independent woman, not because of the first ever Sundae Slam..."
"Huh…"
"Right…"
"Besides, they've already advertised this match, so it'll happen no matter what you three think." Hunter clapped his hands together. "Great, now that we're done here, I need to go find Intern Eve and discuss her idea of a meet and greet for you three right after the match."
"I told you that woman is insane and evil," Seth said with a shudder. "She's an evil genius." Seth wandered away to find a place to store his pride until after this coming RAW.
Dean shrugged at Roman. "He's always been a drama queen… I'm telling you, it's the bleach." Dean sighed. "Don't worry, Roman; we'll be fine."
Roman raised his eyebrows. "How do you know that?"
Dean grinned. "Even if the match sucks, we'll have all that ice cream for free."
Roman sighed. "Frozen yogurt"
So...What did you think? Is this as cracky as I think it is? Review, please.