author's notes: I'm going to hell. So this is a blasphemous crack fic that just popped into my head while being on a Dastiel kick and watching meet the Fockers.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. It wouldn't be half as cool as it is now if I did.
The world had almost ended with a whimper, not a bang. That kind of pissed Dean off. After all that build up over the past year instead of hell fire and zombie apocalypses they got. . . well squat. Lucifer hadn't even tried to possess Sammy. Something Dean was eternally grateful for mind you but still! When the sixty-sixth seal broke he was ready for a fight, a good old fashioned showdown. Good vs Evil, human and angel vs demons and Lucifer. All the good stuff those stupid ass horror movies always portrayed the good fight for the end of the world to be.
Just a little more glorious.
Instead he got a much larger cloud of smoke then the usual demonic kind, aka Lucifer. The angels had handled that easy enough. Leaving the hoards of demons, who Dean thought where just as disappointed as he was, to be dealt with by the small army of hunters that had gathered for the big fight. All in all it was just another day at the job, kick some demon ass, shout a lot of Latin (in Sam's case use some freaky psychic power) and just kill some evil son's of bitches.
Oh and get kissed by an angel for his troubles.
Yeah, Castiel, big bad angel that he was during the war, getting his smite on and all, had come right up to him when everything had been said and done. And laid one on him! Boy for an angel who hadn't walked amongst humans for over a thousand years the man was better at kissing then he had a right to be! Or so Dean thought anyway, after all weren't angels suppose to be virginal or something?
Sammy bless the little shits heart said nothing, only smiled when Dean had dragged his angel off for a little post apocalypse party. He had plenty to say the next day of course. But hey Dean had just got some, Sammy could say all he wanted, the boy just needed to get laid too Dean thought. That would shut him up!
"So we just have to grab Cas from his little circle of angel friends and then we hit the road." Dean told his brother.
They were standing outside of room fourteen, the motel room the angels had been using as a gathering place at the begging of the battle with Lucifer and during the clean up after wards. Why they didn't have a place at the Ritz, Dean didn't know. He'd always thought angels would be above such things as motels. Uriel had made it clear he was, Cas didn't seem to mind them. Oh when Dean was finished with the angel Cas would come to love motel rooms more then churches!
Yeah he was going to hell again for that thought.
"Dean," Sam began before his brother could open the door. "Didn't one of the angels say they were pulling out after this?"
"Yeah, so?"
"So, isn't Castiel-"
"Don't finish that Sam." Dean snapped pushing the door open, cutting off his brother and barging into the motel room. His post lay happiness quickly giving way to dread. Come on one fucking lay! Wam bam thank you man, that was it?
Castiel was there plus some old guy Dean had never seen before, talking in hushed tones. The angel glanced up and smiled when Dean and his brother stepped into the room, Dean liked to think that smile was more for him then Sammy and that it must have been a good sign. Why would the angel who confessed love to him not hours ago be happy about leaving?
The old guy, probably Cas' bosses boss or something, turned and smiled at him and his brother. Sam being the polite little bastard that he was said a 'hello' back. Dean just glared. He glared more when the angel started talking.
"Free well being so important as it is. I would never take it away from you, so i ask. Please don't hurt him." The old guy gestured towards Cas. "I'd threaten not to let you into heaven after all, but Castiel wouldn't like that."
So, Dean thought, he was dealing with a big league angel then. Cas he noticed had reached out as if to draw the guy into a hug. But his arms went right threw him.
"Oh," The old bastard exclaimed. "I thought it better to focus on strengthening the old seals and reinforcing the new ones. So I'm just projection an image that you can all comprehend."
He had said the last part to Sam and himself. The old guy sounded just a little to high and mighty for Dean's taste. Turning back to Cas the guy continued speaking. "So aren't you glad I sent you to hell to fetch him now? Wont go talking back to me anymore when I ask you to do something now will you? See, fathers always know best."
Dean blinked. FATHER!? Cas looked embarrassed when he mumbled what sounded to Dean like 'No I wont father.' and again Dean's mind screamed, father!
The old guy turned back to face him and his brother again, "Well I guess I'll be off, now that the apocalypse is over again, for a while I can interact with the world again without it ending prematurely."
Dean stared, he didn't have to look at his brother to know he was doing the same. The guy continued on, "Not that I'll go around answering prayers left, right and, center. I set up the natural order of the universe for a reason, so everyone gets a fair deal. It's only right, not everyone believes in me and it seems unfair that only those who do get every thing. It almost would be like I show favoritism which a father never should do to their children."
Then the old guy turned back to Cas, "Castiel my wonderful son, I am so glad you found happiness."
With that the he was gone leaving the three of them, himself, Cas and Sam, alone. However Dean's brain had broken a few moments ago so he didn't really register that fact. A "Guu" sound brought him so far out of his stupor. He turned to look at his brother, taking in Sam's pale face and wide eyed stare that he was almost positive mirrored his own.
"Guu..." Sam tried again.
"... Odd." Dean finished what his brother was trying to say. Then turned back to Cas fixing him with a wide eyed gaze. The angel blinked cocking his head to the side. The way Dean finds he always does when he is puzzled by something.
"Do all human's get like this when they meet their significant other's parent?"
Out of the corner of his eyes Dean saw Sammy faint.