The heroine of China will not be defeated so easily, a mulan fanfic

"Mulan!"

The two bandits had grabbed her and ran across the rope bridge. Shang charged across after them, determined not to let his love be taken so easily. He could hear her screaming for him.

Three more bandits stood in his way. One punched him in the face and the other knocked him down. Then they, too, took off running. As Shang got back up on his feet, he saw the last bandit exit the bridge. The thug raised his sword up and began slashing the ropes supporting it.

As Shang struggled to keep his balance, his body flailed violently back and forth. Despite his efforts to stay on the bridge, he started to fall. Reaching for a rope, he was able to stop the work of gravity.

Now he hung hundreds of feet above a river. Knowing his beloved fiance would likely be killed by the bandits, it crossed his mind to let go. But, if there was a chance he could save her, he needed to live.

With much effort, Shang pulled himself back up to the cliff. He turned around and stared in the direction Mulan had been taken. He vomited until his stomach was empty at the thought of what was likely being done to her at this very moment. The bandits would rape her, and he was helpless to stop them.

No matter what it takes, Shang told himself, I will find her. Whatever it was they had been arguing about last night seemed trivial now. It no longer mattered to him. All that mattered was Mulan.

Mulan watched as Shang struggled for his balance as a bandit cut the ropes, and desperately hoped he'd survive. She was positive she would not. The bandits were carrying her through the cliffs, away from him.

The bandits finally stopped, and she was thrown to the ground. Knowing what was coming, she tried to get away, but it was no use.

As the bandits ripped her sash and dress until they were little more than rags, she vowed to herself not to cry. The first bandit forced himself on her and she shut her eyes and prayed to the ancestors to help her endure. She had beaten Shan Yu. She could survive this.

Then the second one raped her and the third one took his turn on her. Then two more violated her. Then they all indulged themselves a second time. She was kicked, punched and slapped. Handfuls of her hair were yanked from her scalp. The pain of being repeatedly raped nearly caused her to pass out.

She shut her eyes and pretended to be dead. Believing her to be so, they all ran away, leaving her naked and bleeding and broken.

Ten times she'd been raped. Ten times over, she vowed to survive. The heroine of China would not be defeated so easily.

Somewhere out there was Shang, no doubt searching for her. Mulan was determined to find him, as he was no doubt also just as determined to find her.

She rolled to her side and vomited until there was nothing left. It was excruciating to move, but she made herself sit up, anyway. Every bone and muscle in her body ached. But the worst pain was right in her core where she'd been raped. Blood covered her thighs. The disgusting fluids from the bandits leaked out of her.

Mulan salvaged what she could from her tattered clothing, but barely managed to cover herself. What she desperately craved was a dip in the river, where the current would wash away all the stains on her.

The sound of a horse startled her and she heard Shang's voice calling for her. Shameful of her current state, she tried to cover herself but the shredded fabric did little to hide her battered body.

A moment later, Shang rode into view. Seeing her, he jumped off his stallion before it had completely stopped. His face was full of anguish at the condition he had found her in.

Seeing Mulan's shredded clothing, Shang immediately removed his robe and covered her with it. She was almost completely naked, except where she was trying to cover herself with the torn fabric.

The blood on her legs, the bruises and cuts all over her body and her state of undress confirmed what he already knew. She had been raped, repeatedly. Her face was a mess of bruises, and there were cuts by her mouth and eye. Her body was covered with black and blue marks.

He scooped her into his arms. She froze for a moment, then leaned into him.

"It's OK, Mulan. I've got you. You're safe, now."

"Shang, I need to bathe. I want to go to the river." Her voice cracked and tears ran down her cheeks as she shook violently. "They raped me, Shang. They all raped me."

He pressed his lips against the top of her head as he carried her to the river and led his horse along next to them.

"I know. I know." His arms tightened around her protectively as he thought about what those thugs had done.

"I wanted to be a virgin for you on our wedding night. I'm sorry." Mulan began to sob into his tunic.

"It's OK, Mulan. It wasn't your fault."

Arriving at the river, Shang gently set her down on her feet, but she wobbled and started to fall, so he helped her to sit in the water, still in his robe. Then he watched as the water turned red around her then swirled away. He wanted to scream and beat the ground with his fists in rage. But right now she needed him to stay calm.

Mulan rested her head on her knees and sobbed. Shang sat in the water next to her and held her tightly to his chest. Once again, she froze at his touch. For a long time, he held her as she cried.

"How can you still love me? I feel so filthy."

"What those men did to you doesn't change who you are or how much I love you. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll help you through this. I promise."

"But…"

Shang lifted her head up so he could look into her swollen, bruised face.

"Listen to me. You are still pure. You didn't give yourself away willingly."

"I feel so disgusting."

"But, you're not. You're beautiful, Mulan. You're my fiance and I love you. Nothing can change that."

Shang noticed Mulan's lips turning blue, so he lifted her out of the water and carried her to higher ground. Then he made a fire so she could warm up. Pulling a couple blankets from his saddlebags, he wrapped them around her.

After catching and cooking some fish over the fire, he tried to convince her to eat.

"Here, eat. You need the strength."

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten all day. Please?"

"I'm afraid I'll just throw up if I do."

"Just try. Please?"

Mulan finally gave in and ate several bites. To her surprise, she kept it down, so she ate more. It was true that she had barely eaten all day, and earlier had vomited up what little food had been in her stomach.

"Where's Yao, Ling and Chien Po? Where's the princesses?"

"They continued on to Qi Gong without us. We'll meet back up with the soldiers after they leave there. Khan is with them."

Mulan leaned against Shang again. She was suddenly so tired, but afraid of what kind of nightmares sleep would bring.

"Lay down and sleep. I'll keep watch."

"As long as you stay near me. I don't want to be alone."

"I'm here, love, I won't go anywhere."

Mulan laid down by the fire, with her head in Shang's lap, and drifted off to sleep.

As she had feared, terrifying nightmares of her ordeal soon chased her from sleep. She awoke screaming. Feeling Shang's hand rubbing her back, she jumped up, certain he was an attacking bandit.

"No!"

"It's OK, Mulan. It's just me. I won't hurt you."

Mulan blinked as reality came back to her and she realized he was her fiance, not another thug about to rape her.

"I'm sorry. I had a nightmare and I thought you were…" She couldn't bring herself to say it.

"I know. You're safe, now. They're gone."

She laid her head back on his lap, but stayed awake and stared at the fire.

"Mulan, I need to gather more wood for the fire. Will you be OK here for a few minutes?"

"No, please don't leave me alone. I'll come with you."

He looked doubtful, but let her follow him. Fearing the night, she clung to his arm.

Shang grabbed fallen branches and twigs as he walked through the nearby clump of trees. Mulan held on tightly to his arm, jumping at every sound around them.

He'd never seen the scared, vulnerable, childlike Mulan who was glued to his side now. She was such a brave warrior when she'd beaten Shan Yu. Now she was frightened of the dark and of every shadow and sound. He had once believed her to not be afraid of anything. Now, she was just a shadow of her former self.

She continued to cling to his arm as they returned to their little camp. After he'd built up the fire, she laid her head in his lap again. He tentatively began stroking her hair, afraid of triggering her.

"I'm scared, Shang, that they'll come back. That they'll find me."

"I'm here with you, Mulan. They can't hurt you anymore."

"Every time I close my eyes, all I see is their horrible faces and I still feel the pain from what they did to me."

Not knowing what to say, Shang quietly continued to stroke her hair. He took deep breaths to quell the rage building inside him, again.

"Twice. They all did it twice."

There was five of them. His fiance had been raped 10 times. He felt rage crawling up the back of his neck, and shut his eyes. Focusing on just his breathing, he meditated until he felt it ebb away. It wouldn't help Mulan to see him lose control right now.

Suddenly, she turned and looked at him, a terrified look on her face. He drew his hand back. Had he done something to trigger her?

"What if they made me pregnant?"

"Then I'll raise the child like my own."

Mulan began to shake and sob. Shang continued to stroke her hair and stared at the fire. He knew she would never completely get over being gang-raped by those bandits. Wishing to pull her up into his arms, he stopped and reminded himself that she could easily be triggered again.

Shang was determined to stand by her no matter how difficult the coming days and months proved to be. Even if it was years after their wedding before she would be emotionally able to consummate their marriage, he would stay by her side.

Her sobs quieted and soon the sound of her even breathing could be heard as she fell asleep. He hoped she wouldn't be stalked by nightmares again, but it wasn't to be.

Just a little while later, she woke up screaming, and jumped up and ran several steps away from him. "No, no, no!"

He watched her, unsure what to do. Jumping up after her could frighten her more.

Mulan stared at him, then began to cry.

"I'm sorry, Shang. I thought you were a bandit again."

"It's all right. Maybe you should just lay next to me instead of on my lap."

"I will." She laid down next to him and watched the fire again.

"I don't want to sleep anymore."

"Then don't. Sit up and watch the fire with me."

Mulan sat up and they both stared at the fire for a long, silent moment.

The sound of male voices and an approaching horse once again caused Mulan to jump to her feet and start shaking.

A moment later, the three soldiers who'd joined them on the mission came into view.

"We saw your fire from higher up..." Chien Po started to explain, but his voice dropped off when he saw Mulan's terrified expression, and her battered face. He glanced between her and Shang, noticing she was wearing his robe. Shang still sat at the fire and wore an intensely sad expression as he watched her. Without asking, all three knew Mulan had been raped. They had seen the bandits carrying her off, and they understood why she was afraid of them now.

Shang put his hand up and shook his head to tell them not to walk any closer to her. The last thing she needed was more men near her. They backed up.

Yao led Khan to the river several feet away and began washing him down. Chien Po started catching fish for the three soldiers to eat and Ling built a fire many feet away from the couple's fire. They all stayed as far from Mulan as they could.

After several minutes, Mulan sat down by Shang again. She was still shaking. He tentatively reached his hand out and rubbed her back.

"They would never hurt you."

"I know that now. But a few minutes ago, I didn't." The three soldiers had been her closest friends during the Hun invasion. They were like brothers to her. And now she was terrified of them, certain they would treat her like the bandits had.

"I hope they aren't angry that I was afraid of them."

"They understand. I need to get wood for the fire again. Do you want to come with me?"

"Yes."

They both walked into the clump of trees, with Mulan once again clinging to Shang's arm. He heard footsteps near them, and turned and shook his head at the tall, skinny soldier approaching. Ling backed up and waited. He had also been headed to the trees to collect dead branches, but stopped when Shang shook his head at him. But she had already heard the footsteps and screamed in terror when she saw him standing near the trees.

After a moment, she calmed down. "I'm sorry, Ling. I thought you were…" Her voice trailed off as she broke down crying again. Shang put an arm around her and led her back to their fire, giving Ling a sad, worried glance. Thankfully, he understood.

Mulan finally fell asleep again after a long while, leaning on Shang's shoulder. This time, she slept for a long moment before waking up screaming from a nightmare again.

Yao's head popped up, and he started to jump to his feet at an approaching threat, but was waved back by Shang. Any sound he made would frighten her more.

Dawn finally came. A three day journey still lay ahead. Shang thought about splitting off from the other three, but there was safety in numbers. He had to figure out how to travel together without Mulan being too frightened of her comrades.

Mulan would hardly let Shang out of her sight, clinging to him as a source of safety and strength. The tough, independent woman she was just one day before seemed to have been left behind at the cliffs.

Mulan and Shang both rode their own horses, and the soldiers walked. Whenever they stopped, Mulan was stuck to Shang like glue. Gradually, she was able to recognize her comrades were not threats to her, even if they were men. Still, they were careful not to get too close to her, in hopes of not frightening her.

Even the slightest unexpected sound made Mulan jump and often scream. Her sleep at night was punctuated by frequent nightmares that caused her to wake screaming, terrified of everyone and everything, including Shang.

But even when she screamed at him to get away and shoved him away from her in a fit of panic, he never left her side by more than a few feet. He just stayed back and watched her, knowing better than to try approaching or speaking to her. A sad expression always sat on his face as he waited for her to calm down. More than once, Chien Po quietly rested a hand on his shoulder for a moment. No words were needed.

The three soldiers loved Mulan like a sister. It broke their hearts to see her like this.

No one told the Emperor what had happened to Mulan on the mission. She did not want anyone else to know. After reporting to their leader on the success of delivering his daughters to Qi Gong, they all headed home.

Shang and Mulan rode to the Fa home. It was a two day journey, and they never left each other's side. They slept in a tent together, but only for safety.

Just as they crested the last hill before reaching the Fa home, Shang and Mulan stopped their horses.

"We have to tell them, Mulan, about what happened to you."

"It will break their heart. Could you tell them? I can't talk about it."

"Of course, I will, Love."

The family was kneeling at the table when Shang told them what happened to Mulan on the way to Qi Gong. Before he did, though, he had signaled her and she went outside by the pond. She didn't want to hear him describing what happened to her.

"On our way to Qi Gong, something happened to Mulan." He tried to steady his voice, and keep control. "Our group was attacked by bandits. They carried Mulan off before I could stop them." Shang took a deep breath as he shut his eyes for a moment. "She was beaten and raped repeatedly by five bandits. I found her soon afterward. I'm sorry I didn't protect her."

Both of her parents and her grandma wept after hearing what their daughter and granddaughter went through.

Fa Zhou put a hand on his shoulder. "You did the best you could." Shang shook his head. He didn't feel like that was true. He was a general of the Imperial army, yet he couldn't protect his own fiance from being gang-raped by bandits.

"I'd like to marry her soon. She's worried she'll be with child, but said she won't know for another week. I told her that if she is, I'll raise the child as my own."

Fa Zhou looked at him carefully. "You are sure about that, Shang?"

"Yes, sir. I love her very much."

"You know, I would hope, that when you marry she may not be ready to physically unite with you for a long time."

"Yes, I know. That's alright with me. I will wait as long as she needs. And I won't take concubines, either. That would break her heart."

Shang walked outside to where Mulan sat on the ground by the pond.

"They want to see you."

Her mother and grandma came out and sat with her and cried as they both held her. Fa Zhou stood back with Shang, heartbroken and weeping, knowing he could possibly trigger his daughter into a panic if he hugged her.

That night in her room, alone for the very first time since the attack, Mulan woke up screaming more than once. Shang and her mother both came to comfort her until she calmed down and stopped shaking.

After the second time, as Shang and her mother were turning to go back to bed, she caught his hand.

"Please, Shang, stay with me."

Shang glanced at her and then met Fa Li's eyes. She nodded her approval. They weren't married yet, but she knew in Mulan's current state there would be nothing sexual occurring between the two.

He lifted up the blankets and laid down by her. She laid her head on his chest.

"I feel safer with you by me. Thank you."

Mulan slept for the rest of the night on Shang's chest. After her even breathing indicated that she was sleeping, Shang watched as she rested. Her many bruises were beginning to fade and the cuts were healing. But her spirit would not heal so easily, he knew.

Back in their room, Fa Li whispered to Fa Zhou about the couple's sleeping arrangement. She didn't want him to wake up in the morning and be angry to see them together. As she suspected, he completely understood.

With her family's approval, Shang slept in Mulan's bed with her every night. They all knew it was so he could comfort her, not for sexual activity of any sort. That was the furthest thing from Mulan's mind.

A week passed. Then two weeks, and still no monthly bleeding began. Mulan sobbed inconsolably the day she realized she was with child. Shang held her for a long time and reminded her he would raise the child as his own.

After another week, they were married. The couple remained at the Fa home so Mulan could be close to her mother and grandmother.

Mulan continued to have nightmares nearly every night. But waking up next to Shang always calmed her. She knew she was safe with him and his arms were her favorite place to be.

Every morning, it took a lot of convincing to coax Mulan out of bed. She didn't want to eat, but Fa Li and Shang always managed to get her to take at least a few bites from each meal. Even taking rides on Khan wasn't something she wanted to do. She'd sit on the ground by the pond or on the stone bench day after day, staring at the water.

The idea of raising a child conceived when the bandits raped her was what troubled her most of all.

One day a couple months after their marriage, Mulan walked into the village. It was the first time she'd left her home since their return. She returned with Dong Quai, an abortion herb.

She had shared her plan with Shang the night before. He told her he would support her no matter what she did.

Mulan took the herb as instructed. By the following morning, she was no longer pregnant with a bandit's child.

Mulan continued to have nightmares every night. Six months after the attack, Shang had to leave for 6 months to train new soldiers. In his absence, she slept next to her grandma. She still couldn't bear to sleep alone.

Gradually, Mulan began to enjoy life again. When Shang returned home, he saw life in her eyes again.

She and Shang took rides together on their horses. She joked with Grandma Fa again, like she used to, and helped with the rice harvest. Shang built a target and the two of them perfected their archery skills. She also strengthened her martial arts skills with his help. For months, she had allowed her fighting skills to fall by the wayside.

It was over a year since they had been married. Mulan finally was able to give herself to Shang, and the two were able to physically join. Before, any sexual intimacy had caused her to become nauseous.

She had been watching Shang practice martial arts moves without a shirt, and remembered the first time she'd seen his bare chest at Wu Zhong. Watching his sweaty, tanned, muscular body that afternoon made her want to grab him close to her and she realized she was ready to make love to him. He'd waited for over a year, always telling her he'd wait as long as she needed him to.

The two of them were getting ready to go to sleep for the night. Mulan usually slept in her old army training clothes, but this night she removed her dress, robe and underclothes and wrapped her arms around Shang from behind as he was hanging up his armor.

"Shang, I'm ready…"

His head jerked up in surprise at the feeling of his naked wife wrapping her arms around him. He could feel her breasts pressing into his back, and turned around to face her.

Mulan pressed a kiss onto his chest. He lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes.

"Are you certain about this, Mulan? I can wait as long as you need to."

"No, I'm ready."

Shang wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead and then her cheek. Then he pressed his lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he picked her up and gently placed her on their bed. Then he removed his own clothing and laid down next to her.

Their lips met again, and his hands explored her body in ways he'd never been able to before. Before the rape, they'd never been physically intimate, even though it had been tempting on their journey to the Imperial City for the mission.

His hands moved over her breasts, and he pulled away from their kiss to admire how beautiful they were. Soft, pale, not kissed by the sun. He planted several kisses on each breast, then looked back up into her eyes.

"Mulan, you are so beautiful."

He lowered his head and kissed the scar that ran across her abdomen. A permanent reminder of Mulan's courage in the face of death. The same courage that had carried her through that awful day in the cliffs.

Their lips met again, and he climbed over her.

"If this gets hard for you, or if I trigger you, please tell me."

"I will. I'm alright, Shang."

The two of them made love all night. As Mulan watched the sun come up, she realized she was going to be ok. She had promised herself, while the bandits were raping her, that she would survive. And she did. The heroine of China would not be defeated so easily. Shang had promised to stay by her no matter what, and he did. They loved each other and nothing and no one could ever take that away.