Red Riding Hood
The Real Story
We all know the story of Little Red Riding Hood. But there are certain details that everyone seems to forget! Hi, I'm Oswaldo Beethoven Wolfhide the 3rd or Tim for short! So it all began when I was just sitting in my little house in the creepy woods when suddenly, I heard a lot of rustling outside. Instinctively I investigated! I rushed out of my log cabin just to find a little girl wearing a red cloak and hood. "This girl was a trouble maker!" I thought," it is very rude to run through other people's yards!"
I wanted to give her a good stern talking, but I changed my mind when I saw that she had a box FULL of goodies! I said to her "Why hello little girl! Where are you headed with all of those treats?"
"Go away!" she said. Then she smacked me in the face with the basket and ran away! The nerve of that girl! I was just being friendly! Perhaps she would didn't let me have any of her Trixs Yogurt because I wasn't a "kid". But it still didn't justify that girl exhibiting such rude behavior towards me! So, I started to chase her!
I think this just made her angrier because, as I chased her she started screaming, "STOP FOLLOWING ME YOU CREEPER!" Then she stopped turned around and gave me another blow with the basket! That did it! I was just a poor, hungry, elderly wolf! But like an elderly wolf, I was getting tired of running! So, I decided to go to my mom's house! She always made the best goodies! Probably better than that Little Red Riding Jerk! My mom's house wasn't a very long walk from here, so I decided to use up some of my elderly energy and jog to her house.
When I got there, I decided to not jog the next time I wanted to come and visit! I took out the keys that I had to her house and stepped in. It was dark. I stumbled around trying to find a light switch. I found one and flipped it but the lights remained off. I looked at the lights and strained my eyes only to see that every light bulb was shattered!
Then I caught a glimpse of a note on the table. I picked it up and read it.
Dear Oswaldo Beethoven Wolfhide the 3rd or Tim,
If you decided to come and visit today I have some unfortunate news.
I won't be home today because somehow all of my light bulbs exploded!
So I went to buy some more. Please help yourself to the treats I've made.
Love Granny
"Darn!" I thought! "Was so looking forward to visiting my sweet granny."Oh well I decided to go and help myself to those goodies! Man those were good goodies! Anyways, it was getting late so I just thought I might spend the night here. I crawled into Granny's bed and almost fell asleep. But due to a knock at the door I instantly awoke! Was it a burglar? But I decided against that idea when I heard a girl's voice saying "Granny is you there?" Oh it was probably one of my cousins. And don't ask why everyone in my family is human and I'm a wolf! Granny had a bizarre social life!
So I thought that my cousin would get the hint and just leave, so I fell asleep. But little did I know, the little girl was supposedly my cousin walked right inside the house! Of course I was asleep when this all happened, and I am the worst sleep walker, talker, and eater that there ever was!
But I woke up after having this weird dream about this girl thinking that I was her granny! She asked me all these questions like Granny what bid eyes you have! Oh granny what furry arms you have and all that little girl nonsense. But when I woke up, I felt really full like I had just eaten an entire little girl!
And I must have because as soon as I was starting to sleep again, this woodsman just barged into my granny's house! Then with his huge axe, he sliced open my stomach! And out of my stomach fell that little Red Riding Jerk! It must have been her at the door the whole time! And I guess I ate her in my sleep! Hey I couldn't help it! I'm a sleep eater!
But now I'm sitting in the hospital getting stitches on my stomach! And you know what? The whole story had become a children's book! They told the story like I was the bad guy that actually meant to eat Little Red! Can you believe that? Well don't believe it because every word of it is not true!