I dedicate this story to DorisGlambert as a birthady present for her. Another day, another year, another smile, another tear but never another YOU! Happy birthday Doris and may God give you all the faith and things that you need to make your dreams come true and may He bless your life like you blessed ours. Thanks for existing XXXX
I didn't do this, Tommy thought with horror.
Big brown eyes filled with tears and Tommy blinked frantically, but the action only caused them to spill over onto his cheeks and leave streaks of guiltiness. He clutched the edge of the comforter, instinctively pulling it to his chest as if the thin material had the power to protect him from what he had done.
On the other side of the bed, Sutan was in a similar state. He stared at Tommy like the blonde was a hooker—worse, a stranger. When the first tears slipped from his best friend's eyes, it felt like the remaining pieces of his heart were washed away in the pain in his eyes.
"Tommy…" Sutan began softly talking as if to a frightened wild animal. Because that's what Tommy looked like hiding behind the blanket. The dark haired man didn't know what was running through his friend's head.
"Don't" Tommy said, voice shaking. "Don't, just go" he repeated, obviously trying to hold himself together even as more tears escaped.
" We can talk about this. Figure it out" Sutan said almost pleadingly. He reached out tentatively, palm up as if dealing with a threatened dog.
"Go!" Tommy yelled, the tears coming faster and thin shoulders beginning to shake. "Please, just go!"
Sutan nodded, shoulders slumping. He pulled himself out of Adam's bed and grabbed his clothes. His mind obviously was not centered in reality, though, when he pulled a sock onto his hand instead of his foot. Tommy would have laughed and teased the other man if he weren't in such a state.
Sutan paused at the door. One lax, defeated hand gripped the frame, and without turning, he mumbled, "I'm sorry this happened, buddy. It was a mistake. I'm so sor—" He cut himself off when he choked on his own impending tears. Nothing came out when he tried again.
Tommy watched as his best friend walked out of his lover's bedroom.
.
.
.
Hours later, after the tears finally ran dry, the blonde still lay buried under the covers. Not even the tips of his rebellious hair weren't visible.
Eventually he shifted, big watery brown eyes peeking out as if checking for danger. He sighed and pushed himself up.
In the mirror over the bathroom sink, the boy forced himself to look. He saw blonde hair tangled by hands running through it, pale skin slightly marked with red rakes and chocolate brown eyes surrounded by red staring back.
Disgusted, he turned the shower water as hot as he dared and stood under the scalding spray. Maybe it would rinse away the dirty feeling that made him wish he could crawl out of his skin.
It was never supposed to happen. When Adam had left almost a week ago, Tommy had promised his lover he had nothing to worry about. When in their living room, Adam had bent over and looked deep into Tommy's eyes and his irresistible lips had smiled. He automatically smiled back, entranced as always by the taller man's beauty. The kiss they then shared was one of love and sorrow, but also a kiss of promise. Promise that they will always have each other no matter the amount of time fate threw their way to keep them apart.
As hot shower water streamed in a hundred cleansing rivulets over his body, Tommy rubbed angrily at his lips. He didn't deserve a kiss so pure and precious.
Adam had been sent to Japan, to do a photoshoot and some interviews and also to promote his next album.
Halfway through the week, Tommy was feeling lonely so he decided to meet with Sutan. He was also acutely feeling the pain that came from missing his lover that broke up with him.
When Tommy's skin was red and beginning to feel like it was blistering, he twisted the dial and stepped out of the shower. After drying off, he threw on a pair of old sweatpants and a t-shirt. The bedroom suffocated him with the scent of his and Sutan's mistake.
Tommy absent-mindedly picked his clothes off the floor and threw them into the laundry hamper. The apartment had become slightly messy since Adam left. The blond was a little more than relaxed about cleanliness, while Adam was a neat freak.
Then last night happened. Some friends were throwing an opening party at her new bar, Seventh Heaven, and both Tommy and Sutan were invited. Of course they went. It had been fun. After an hour or two, everyone was drunk or at least tipsy. Tommy could hold his alcohol well, and his eyes remained focused most of the time. Sutan made sure to only sip at his drinks.
That is, until someone pulled out a deck of cards and dared everyone to a drinking game. Sutan couldn't believe his bad luck, and he downed burning shot after burning shot. Tommy wasn't so bad at the game, but his slight build in comparison to those playing already put him at a disadvantage. Soon, although he drank less than the other players, his small body simply couldn't handle the alcohol like the bigger men and he staggered drunkenly to the door, head spinning.
Tommy didn't really remember much after that. But this morning told him everything he needed to know. Sutan's cum splattered chest and Tommy's slightly sore behind didn't need any explaining. He had fucked up.
And that led to now.
Head still throbbing from a hangover, he wiped off countertops and tables. He washed the dirty dishes stacked in the sink. He ran the laundry and dryer. He swept and vacuumed the floors. He pulled back the curtains and pushed open the windows. He took out the trash. He raided the fridge, tossing out expired food, and made a list of groceries to buy.
He did all this because Adam came home tomorrow.
.
.
.
Tommy couldn't sleep that night. Even though he had washed and rewashed the black sheets and blankets and cleaned the bedroom until it was spotless, he still saw and smelled invisible traces of last night. A slightly flattened part of lush carpet when they fell, too drunk to even see straight. An imagined draft taunted him with the smell of Sutan's skin and his own alcohol-laced breath.
Morning brought no relief.
When noon rolled around, Tommy gave up on sleep. Obviously it hated him. He groaned and crawled out of bed.
Adam would be home that night. His plane landed in the afternoon, but he still had a meeting after that, to report how the trip went. He had denied the blonde's offer to meet him at the airport, saying he wouldn't be able to stay long and just the sight of him would make him ditch the meeting. He promised to meet Tommy at home around six.
Tommy didn't know what to do. He desperately wanted to see his lover. Maybe everything was all imagined and nothing happened between him and Sutan, and seeing Adam would confirm that. At the same time, he didn't want to see his lover. The all time socially man was expecting a faithful lover, not a tainted disappointment.
The blonde sighed. He would deal with that later. He had other things to finish now.
An hour was spent showering and eating breakfast. Or was that technically considered lunch? Shopping for food and other small household items such as air freshener and Adam's hair conditioner took up two more hours. After putting away groceries and other small tasks, four o'clock rolled around. He didn't know if he should prepare dinner. Would Adam want to eat at home or go out? That was quickly answered by a short text from the man, telling him not to worry about cooking tonight—they were going out. Tommy almost succumbed to another crying fit. His busy Adam, actually thought to send him a text about dinner? He didn't deserve it.
Tommy spent an hour trying on his wardrobe. He wanted to look good for Adam. At the same time, he felt like no matter what he wore, no clothes could cover up the dirt in his heart.
Screw it,he thought to himself. At least, even if this is the last night Adam wants me, I can still leave him a good visual memory.
In the end, the blond pulled on a slightly see-through white long-sleeved shirt and threw a little black vest over that. For pants, he picked a pair of black pants that he knew hugged his hips and ass. If he stretched even a little, the shirt rode up and revealed a sliver of skin just above his low-slung pants. Any other day, he would have smiled mischievously at the thought of Adam seeing him in this outfit.
The last hour saw Tommy trying to sit on the couch but jumping at every little sound, sprinting to the window to see if the car he had heard was Adam's black Mustang. He fussed with his hair, failing to tame it. He looked at himself in the mirror and was glad that at least the redness around his eyes had disappeared.
Eventually, his eyelids drooped and he fell asleep curled up on the couch, exhausted from a sleepless night and the recent whirlwind of emotions.
.
.
.
When Adam stepped off the elevator, he had to admit he was slightly surprised a certain cute blonde hadn't ambushed him. Shrugging it off, he hefted the heavy bag slung around his neck and continued down the hallway.
The singer smiled when he stepped inside the apartment. The lights were on, and everything looked exactly the same, except for a few dust piles only he would notice. If felt great to be home.
But where was the reason he considered the apartment a home?
Sensitive hearing picked up the sound of soft breaths coming from the couch, which faced away from the door.
When Adam didn't want to make noise, he could be quieter than silence itself. Smile widening, he lowered his bag to the floor and toed off his boots, not wanting to dirty the carpet. He crept around to the other side of the couch and couldn't help but think he must have looked like an idiot if his face reflected his happiness.
"Hey baby" Adam whispered, sinking down next to Tommy's head. "I missed you."
Light blonde eyelashes fluttered and big brown eyes focused. A moment of stillness passed, then, "ADAM!"
The taller male laughed at he was tackled to the floor in a fierce hug, even as he hugged back with just as much emotion. He had to admit, he was absolutely smitten by the greeting from his petite blonde lover.
Tommy forgot all his troubles upon waking up to Adam's face. He planted kisses anywhere he could reach- cheek, neck, lips, everything.
Adam cupped his face in both hands, and kissed him gently on the lips. Tommy moaned and parted his lips in invitation, one that Adam could not refuse.
Finally, panting, the two pulled apart. Adam was startled to see tears glistening on his lover's eyelashes. "What's wrong?" he asked in confusion, fingers delicately brushing the wetness away.
Tommy's smile widened and he bit back a sob. "I missed you so much!" He buried his face in Adam's chest. "You don't even know how much" he cried.
Words weren't necessary. Adam simply cradled the man he loved and soaked in the warmth and joy that was his Glitterbaby, hoping that Tommy could feel his own happiness as well.
"Hungry?" he asked when the blonde calmed down.
The blonde hair bounced a little as he nodded. Seeing the smile on his lover's face,Tommy couldn't bring himself to wipe it off. Not to mention Adam's stunning tux rendered him gaping like a fish and speechless. Adam smirked and playfully pinched Tommy's butt as he passed.
Adam wouldn't tell Tommy where they were going for dinner. Instead, he threw the Mustang into drive and sped up the plate. They talked about random things. The blonde wanted to hear anything and everything about Adam's trip. As they drove, Tommy's suspicion and excitement increased with every light closer to what he hoped was their destination.
He was right. Adam handed the keys to a valet in front of his favorite restaurant. He allowed himself a tiny hop of unrestrained happiness, which prompted an amused chuckle from his beloved.
The Ballroom, it was called, and like a ballroom it looked. A waitress dressed in a flowing gown led them to a VIP table for two at a favorable proximity to the live band. The entire restaurant was one massive ballroom. A band played classical music from a raised stage at the front, while the tables were arranged around a spacious dance floor, where beautiful couples danced in circles or rocked slowly back and forth.
Tommy wasn't exactly dressed the best for this type of restaurant, but he found he couldn't care less when it was Adam he was sitting across from.
Tommy put off his confession over and over again. He meant to say something during the appetizer, but his heart broke every time he looked into Adam's baby-blue eyes and saw that they were curved as he smiled. The main course just didn't present the right opportunity; he wanted to hear more about his lover. Tommy knew they were all excuses, but if they allowed him just a few more moments of this, he would graciously consider them explanations instead.
After a waiter cleared their table and the bill had been paid, the two just relaxed for a moment, both wishing the moment would never end, though for different reasons. Adam wanted to watch Tommy's beauty forever. Tommy never wanted to reach the time he broke the most perfect man's heart and shattered his own.
"Glitterbaby" Adam said, his electric eyes sparking, "dance with me."
The blonde smiled and accepted the hand that led him on to the dance floor and into the arms he never stopped missing.
He leaned his head against Adam's chest and selfishly granted himself this last moment of heaven.
Not long after, Adam felt wetness on his shirt and looked to see the blonde hair trembling slightly. "Baby" the taller male said, pulling away slightly to look at Tommy's face. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked for the second time that night. The tears he saw didn't speak of happiness.
Tommy's trembling spread to his entire body, and Adam could feel him shaking with it. "Hey, you don't have to tell me then. Don't cry. Please don't cry."
Even though he tried, Tommy could only cry harder. With a surge of willpower, he pulled himself together as best he could and met Adam's confused gaze. He took a deep breath. "Adam…" he began, beginning to pull away. The arms tightened and he kept him in their safety. Tommy didn't have the strength to deny and let himself continue feeling his lover's searing warmth. "…I have to tell you something" he watched as Adam's eyes held only genuine curiosity. He lowered his eyes. "I…while you were gone…I promise I never wanted this to happen. I wish I could take it all back." His eyes met his for a brief moment. "Adam, I love you, I promise you that with everything I am." Adam stayed silent, letting Tommy speak without interruption.
"I cheated on you."
Tommy felt the arms around him stiffen, and tears leaked helplessly from behind his eyelids. He could picture Adam's angry expression, could imagine the betrayal in his eyes. Though unreasonable, Tommy had a very real fear that Adam would strike out at him.
In reality, the taller male did none of these things. His face stayed a complete blank, the way it always did the rare times he was shocked enough to not immediately come up with an appropriate response. If his eyes truly showed his soul, then they probably reflected his heart coming apart with a million tiny cracks. And instead of hitting Tommy, he could only hug him closer. As if that would erase the past few minutes and they could be another swaying pair on the dance floor.
A tiny gasp escaped Tommy when he was pulled back, and he looked up in confusion.
Adam was looking over his head, as if having a silent debate within himself. Slowly, his eyes crept down through blond hair and worried eyebrows to meet wet brown. Gently, as if he were handling a delicate piece of glass, Adam pushed the blonde back a step, breaking their embrace. With one last look, he turned and walked away.
The blonde stood in the middle of the dance floor and wrapped his arms around himself, like a pitiful remembrance of other hugs.
He didn't know how much time passed. He asked for a taxi, but didn't know where to go. Eventually, he told the driver Adam's address. All of his stuff was still there, and if Adam didn't want him anymore, he would leave, no questions asked.
Love is a complicated thing. Adam's emotions ran a gamut of variety. At first he felt blissful numbness. Then denial. Then understanding, and with that, hurt so intense he couldn't breathe. Then anger at trusting Tommy. He knew better than to ever let his heart go and cursed himself until he ran out of words. Then he used them all over again.
By the time the singer finally made it home, barely avoiding multiple traffic accidents, his nerves were a raw mess. If he could cry, this would be the moment. The walk through the underground car garage saw his usual confident strut a slow, slumped shuffling. Adam hissed and spit all through the elevator ride to the top floor, blind agitation and confusion his only emotions. The walk to the apartment door was the nearest he had ever brushed and submitted to surrender.
Strangely enough though, once he was inside, he felt nothing. Now he wondered why he ever sought for it before. It hurt more than anything else, because it was like he could not care.
Nothing at all.
.
.
.
Tommy didn't know what to expect when he gingerly pushed open the apartment door. Of all the things he expected, he did not expect to see Adam sitting at the kitchen table with his eyes calmly on him. If his nerves weren't already so frayed and shot, he would have jumped double his height and screamed for everyone to hear. Instead, he slipped inside, let the door click shut, and waited.
"Come sit down."
Now did jump a little at that. Adam's voice was quiet and calm, not the rage and fury he expected. He toed off his shoes and took a chair at the small table.
They didn't say anything for awhile. Tommy could not look at his lover. He feared what he would see. Would the love that used to light up the brunette's eyes be extinguished?
"Tommy" Adam said softly but without waver, "tell me what happened."
Tommy glanced up. He also did not expect a chance to explain. Although there really was nothing that could save him now.
He started at the beginning, right at the part where he last kissed Adam before the week long separation. He recounted how he felt and how those feelings changed back and forth. He described the pity talks he and Sutan let themselves indulge in periodically, when they both couldn't hold up without their lovers' strength. With fists clenched on his knees, he talked about last night. He didn't make excuses, didn't try to lighten what he had done. Adam deserved more than him, and the last thing he could offer him was honesty.
When it was silent again, Tommy stared at his lap and waited for him to be kicked out.
But love is a complicated thing. Adam didn't know what he was thinking when he reached across the table to brush Tommy's bangs out of his eyes. He didn't know why his heart still fluttered when Tommy looked at him with a spark of hope.
He finally did know what to say though. " I'm not going to sugar-coat what I say." The blonde nodded, prepared for the worst.
"I have to admit I'm so angry I can barely stay civilized. I only want to tear everything apart. But this is much bigger than giving in to silly impulses."
Tommy clearly heard the subtle insult and accepted it.
"I'm also hurt that you would throw away everything we have, all our love, away like that."
Tommy's head shot up, denial ready to roll off the tip of his tongue.
"Don't, let me finish. I was ready to never see you again and to make myself forget all my memories of you on the way back." Adam sighed. "I should have, then maybe this wouldn't be rubbing salt in the wound. The one thing that held me back was the look in your eyes after you had told me. As I was preparing to feel my heart break, I watched as yours shattered."
"Glitterbaby, I know I expect a lot from you. I know my work keeps me away a lot. And I know it's selfish of me, but I don't want to give you up."
New tears flooded brown eyes and dripped onto the white shirt. He nodded wordlessly.
Adam continued. "I don't even know why" he laughed humorlessly, "but if it means I can keep you, I'll risk this pain again. But… you have to promise me you'll try damn harder. No, I can't even think about this happening again. Promise me it won't, baby. Promise." he sighed heavily.
The smaller male's lower lip trembled badly as he spoke, eyes still streaming twin rivers. "I promise, I promise." he repeated, again and again, because it was all he knew—promising himself and the man he loved. "I promise."
"Baby" Adam breathed, suddenly standing. His chair clattered to the floor behind him, but he barely noticed as he walked the short distance to gather up his at-fault, emotional wreck lover.
"I love you." he whispered as Tommy clutched his jacket and shook with sobs.
The blonde could once again only nod, gasping for air between fits of tears. His mouth sought Adam's and the two met as if it was the first time.
Adam kissed Tommy like he was his lifeline, and Tommy kissed Adam like he was his life.
"I need you. Please, make me only yours again."
Adam groaned in lust. He grabbed two handfuls of ass and easily carried his lover to their bedroom. Tommy moaned and let himself be kissed and fondled, feet floating a few inches off the floor.
The brunette let them fall onto the bed, mouth attached to Tommy's neck. As soon as he let go to watch in satisfaction as a hickey began to appear, Tommy attacked his clothes. The expensive tux and cute vest and outfit were thrown carelessly off the high bed.
Adam smirked and kissed a trail down the smaller one's chest then stomach. He paused, waiting until he heard a panted 'please!', before gently kissing the tip of his's cock and pressing his hips gently into the mattress right before the blonde tried to lift them.
Adam licked and tasted for minutes, until Tommy was panting and moaning above him. He finally gave in and in one swift movement, swallowed everything until his nose met soft blonde fuzz.
Tommy cried out, hands slipping through and petting black hair frantically. "Gah! More!"
Adam bobbed his head a few times before relenting. He didn't want the fun to end so soon anyway. Reaching out a long arm, he opened the bedside drawer and fished out a tube of lube.
In anticipation, the blonde eagerly spread his legs, a light blush reddening his already heated cheeks. He didn't care, though, he wanted this, needed this.
Carefully, a finger was slid in,then two. Tommy was tight, but not as tight as he had expected. A brief flash of bitterness whitened his vision when he realized Sutan had stretched him the night before on these very sheets. He smirked. He would erase all of those memories of that night with tonight.
When Tommy was at the point that he thrust himself almost violently onto Adam's three fingers, the black-haired man decided he couldn't wait anymore. He heat around his fingers clenched and unclenched.
The lube was snatched as he reached for it. Tommy sat up with a grin and squeezed it into his hand before leaning forward. Adam hissed as those fingers were wrapped around his length. The small hand knew exactly what he wanted and pumped and squeezed, until Adam regretfully pulled away, the promise of more and better the only thing that kept him sane enough to do so.
Apparently the other knew that too and fell backwards into the brunette fit himself snugly between the slim, long legs and gripped his lover's thighs. He leaned over the lightly tanned body and captured his lips, while with the hand not holding himself up, he positioned himself and lightly nudged.
Tommy's eyes shot open as Adam met resistance at first, then smoothly slid all the way in. They both shuddered at the feeling.
"Please…" Tommy begged.
In response, Adam slowly pulled out. He liked to fuck slowly and thoroughly.
Tommy gasped and moaned under him, feeding the sounds to his lover whenever the man's lips wandered away from his neck and close enough to kiss. The feeling of Adam in him, so completely filling him…Tommy could only beg for more.
Adam leisurely rolled his hips, powerfully but slowly working Tommy's body. When his hips pressed against his ass, he waited a second before pressing just a little more inside and smoothly pulling backwards until he was almost out. Then he repeated, all the while marking his lover's neck with hickeys and delighting in the sounds his blonde made.
When Tommy began to twitch and spasm on his cock, he flipped the boy onto all fours and possessively yanked his hips into the air. Adam began to fuck in earnest. Now the sounds were pleasurable grunts and skin against skin.
When the brunette felt his peak nearing, he reached under and gripped Tommy with slick fingers. Before long, the smaller male was clenching almost painfully around him. He leaned over the small blonde's back and kissed his ear before whispering, "Baby, I love you. Come for me."
That was all it took for Tommy to and he clamped down screaming as his released flooded Adam's fingers.
The feelings overwhelmed Adam, and he pushed once in the vice-like hold before shuddering and filling and claiming.
The feeling of wet, scorching heat coursing through Tommy washed away the lingering traces of the night before. He arched his back and turned his head, desperately searching for his lover, and was granted when lips crushed against his.
"I love you too."he murmured against his soft lips.
Laying in bed later, after Tommy was curled up at his side, Adam let his fingers run absently through the soft blonde hair and stared at the ceiling.
He wasn't usually the kind of man to leave any problem unsolved. But, this one time, he would make an exception. Maybe love was best left a complicated thing.
.
.
.
"Hey Blondie" Sutan greeted almost sheepishly, a hand buried in the back of his black hair.
"Hey" Tommy laughed, a bit awkward himself.
Adam couldn't help but forgive his first best friend, Sutan's hesitant but familiar smile wiping away the angry words he had prepared..
Adam slung an arm over Sutan's shoulder and pulled him near. "Let's get this over with then." he rumbled.
Sutan sighed heavily, steeling himself for a long day.
Tommy nodded grimly, checking his pockets to make sure he was armed with their credit cards.
Adam, on the other hand, grinned almost devilishly when he said, "The malls won't know what hit them!"