Time
Summary: Otori just wants Shishido to really spend time with him. Silver Pair
Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis isn't mine.
Note: Inspired by a story told by a friend.
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Otori didn't know exactly why tears were running down his face, nothing bad has happened between him and Shishido and yet he couldn't just ignore the overwhelming sadness that he was feeling right now.
He wasn't really going to complain about their relationship, on the contrary.. he was very happy about it...it was just...
'Even if we are together...I can't help but think that you would rather do something else than be with me...'
He lifted his arm to wipe the tears away with the sleeve of his shirt as he tried to get a hold of himself.
Looking out the window, he heaved a heavy sigh. He closed his eyes as he tried to recall what had happened just a few hours before that resulted him to become like this.
----
Shishido and Otori -even if the former was already in high school, and Otori was in his last year of junior high- despite their obvious different schedules always made it appoint to meet each other to play tennis even if it's just for a while after classes. These meetings would -more often than not- end a bit past midnight when both of them were due to go back home.
But even if this was so, Otori had always found himself waiting....for something...anything, but in the end it is always in vain.
This waiting was naturally connected to the cap lover that he proudly calls his boyfriend: Shishido Ryou.
Shishido isn't perfect; he as his flaws and Otori knows that and wholeheartedly accepts them. It was just that there was always something...missing. Something that he had sensed since they had finally became together.
He had thought about it for quite a while...and now he realizes what it was. The thing that was missing from their perfect picture...was time.
Yes, it's true that they spend more then enough time with one another but sometimes it felt as if the other just wasn't there at all. Take that night for example: they had met up at the courts, the usual routine. They weren't playing tonight, it seems, since the older boy had brought a game console instead of a tennis racket.
Otori had recalled that certain game, after all it was the game that Shishido had been playing the previous day as well. He really wanted to play tennis this time and have his boyfriend's undivided attention instead of sitting in the sidelines, waiting for Shishido to talk to him in certain intervals as he played.
'Then again what's new? If it's not a game it's usually those basketball games that he records to watch over and over again in his laptop...' Otori thought in defeat, deciding against voicing out his thoughts to the one beside him.
He looked at the sky and recalled a certain conversation he had with Hiyoshi the day before.
---
They were talking about relationships, a topic that Otori managed to casually bring up, and much to his relief Hiyoshi went along.
"Hiyoshi....do you think it would be alright to ask for things once in a while?" he asked the current Hyoutei tennis captain who looked at him for a while before answering, "Depends on what you're asking for."
"Time" came the automatic response which caused the other to look at him strangely. "It's just that...even if we are together...I can't help but feel that I'm competing for his attention."
"Competing against......?"
"A lot of things..."
"Like?"
Otori looked down in embarrassment, "Otori...." Hiyoshi said in a tone that clearly told the silver haired boy to start talking.
"Like his PSP and some recorded basketball games..." he muttered.
Hiyoshi blinked, "Why can't you just talk to Shishido-senpai and get it over with?" he asked and the other shook his head, "I can't do that! We already spend so much time together, we even meet up every evening of the week and if I tell him that then it would sound really selfish of me! Besides....sometimes it's his academics that cause him to be busy."
"Studies is a understandable diversion of attention, which I am sure you have no complaints of, but when it's something else-- that's when it becomes questionable and arguable.....Also, from listening to what you told me, the time that you two spend together is just the same as spending time with yourself while talking to a rag doll or something every once in a while." Hiyoshi scoffed.
"That's not true! Shishido-san is very responsive and is able to carry a decent conversation!"
"Only when the topic is something he likes..." Hiyoshi muttered before looking at Otori, "Tell me...what do YOU do when Shishido-senpai brings up a topic that you're not familiar with or not interested in?" he asked.
Otori thought for a while, "I...I look it up and tell him my views about it." he said, "And how would you know if Shishido-senpai is not interested in the topic?" Hiyoshi asked quickly, "He simply doesn't respond...." Otori admitted as he fell silent, Hiyoshi rolled his eyes.
"B-but it's also a fact that evenings are his usual free time after taking care of his requirements for his classes!" Otori tried and Hiyoshi glared at him, "And you're saying that it's not YOUR only free time as well?" he challenged and Otori fell silent once more.
The silence lasted for a few more minutes before Hiyoshi spoke up, "You're putting more strain in the relationship by not telling him about this..." he said.
Otori looked at him, "But I can't do that...it would be demanding too much..."
"It's not....why should you be the one always compromising? A relationship is a two way process. Everything must be reciprocated because if it isn't, too much stress is being placed on the whole thing and if it keeps going on like this...it may end up badly." Hiyoshi explained, "Voice out what you need to Otori..."
Otori fell silent once more, taking in what his friend has shared with him.
"You don't seem convinced...then let me try a few more things." Hiyoshi said, earning a nod from his companion. "When you two are together, you consider that spending time together am I right?" Otori nodded again, "But more often than not, that 'together time' would always end up with him becoming preoccupied with something else than interacting with you in whatever way..AND he would give you undivided attention when you're both on the way home which is what....8 percent of the whole evening?."
Otori nodded again, "When he is 'busy' with things....that leaves you usually doing what?"
"Pretending to be interested in star gazing or listening to songs" the other answered honestly.
"And you try to start conversations with him but usually end up in him trailing off to do whatever he was doing again?"
"Hai."
"He talks to you every once in a while but it's just to inform you of something going on in whatever he's doing."
A nod.
"And during these times that you want to tell him to pay attention to you for once, but you still end up not doing it because you think that it would be unfair since he is already 'sacrificing' a lot of things by just spending time with you."
"Yes, because I know he could have been doing something else than be with me."
"But, Otori...he IS doing something else." Hiyoshi interjected as he pointedly looked at the other boy, "He is with you and yet he is doing what he pleases. It's almost the same as not being with him during that same time."
Otori's eyes widened as this was told. He knew this fact but refused to acknowledge it for fear that it might end up in an argument between him and his beloved, which was the last thing he wanted.
"Like I said...talk to him, Otori...and get this issue settled once and for all. Believe me...it's better if you do."
After that conversation, Otori was determined to tell Shishido about his opinion about that matter but found himself unable to once again as he listened to boyfriend fondly talk about that game he was playing.
He groaned inwardly once he got home, 'Baka..Choutaro...you're such a coward..' he told himself.
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The next night was pretty much the same, usually during days like this they would spend the whole day together but unfortunately Shishido had something scheduled.
Otori patiently waited for Shishido to meet up with him after he was done with his agenda, and while waiting he went off to finish a few things.
Once Shishido was with him he immediately asked how the things went and the older boy shared one or two sentences about his day so far. The taller of the two tried to start a conversion once they settled on the bleachers of the street courts that they frequented, but his effort was shot down as he noticed that Shishido was already continuing that little adventure game that he had been playing since the day before.
"Shishido-san?" Otori started, getting a bit fed up, "That certain game takes a long time to finish, doesn't it?" he asked.
Shishido nodded, his eyes not leaving the game. "Why?" he inquired.
Otori shook his head, "Nothing, Shishido-san...." he said before they lapsed into silence once more.
"Alright! I'm just a few levels away from battling the boss!!" Shishido cheered as he broke the silence.
Finally feeling the end of his patience and not wanting to start an argument -and to avoid the topic all together- Otori stood up before forcing himself to smile at Shishido, "I think we should just call it a day instead, Shishido-san. I'm sure that it would be much easier for you to have full concentration on that game since you're almost done with it." he said before turning around. "See you tomorrow Shishido-san!" he called out before running off.
-------
"You're so stupid.....why can't you just talk to him?" Otori scolded himself as he laid back down on his bed, he stared at the ceiling and sighed.
'I should try and talk to him about it....but I guess...the time just isn't right...or rather...there's no time for it.'
He closed his eyes, "Shishido-san....you don't know how much I want to spend some time with you without having to compete with inanimate objects, of all things, for your attention....even if it's just for one day...no...even for just one evening...just you and me." he said quietly before succumbing to sleep, dreaming of that certain day that was just for him and Shishido.......and nothing else.