- Dearest Eilleen -
Today,
We commemorate the death of Eilleen.
Tears was spilled, blood was shed, scars were burn and wounds were open.
The death of Eilleen was not done by others but inflicted on ownself.
Everyone wonders what got into Eilleen to hurt herself so much. Was it madness? Disgrace over one's image?
Dissapointment or she has given up?
Yes, she has given up!
Why?
Why hurt ownself? To satisfy need? Want?
No! To satisfy pain. Because?
She deserve it. Everyone look down on her, she's a failure. Small words formed big action.
The more she hears suffering, hurt, pain,
The more she inflicted those wounds onto her.
She tried cutting herself but couldn't.
She tried poisoning herself but weren't able to.
She tried jumping off the bridge but people were watching.
Nobody likes a scene. So she hurt more. She feels more sorrow. She hurts more.
People called her a friend. People called her a daughter but people also called her a parasite.
Nobody is helping her because she didn't need any.
Nobody is watching her because she's hiding.
Nobody is talking to her because she wasn't there.
People go through the trouble to put her in school, she was absent on day 1, and so on.
People go through the time to make friends with her, she doesn't want any, she already has one, herself.
People go through life as they work, earn money and enjoy, she pass on by hurting herself even more.
When did people start to notice these scars?
She was always wearing bright colors, cheerful and friendly, funny but ... dead?!
There was emptiness inside of her. She was a walking shell that pass her time every day and night.
School was boring, friends was boring, everything was boring.
Her soul was breaking to pieces and turning into dust.
One by one, her anger, her grief, her emotion pass on.
Then she, herself detiorated.
Her goal in life is no more.
She began to cry,
In her sleep, in her dreams and heart.
She began to burn,
Her memories, her childhood, her loved ones.
She began ro scar,
People's trust, faith, loyalty and friendship.
She began to open wounds,
Bt being the dissappointment, the sorrow and the pain.
They noticed one day, the hurt in her eyes, body amd soul!
They was too much damage. They don't know what is wrong with her. She doesn't know it herself until she found the answer.
From young, people haa been trying to shape her into a meaningful person. She failed.
From her teens, people has been trying to change from the black sheep. She failed.
Now in her 20s, people expects her to move on in life with her own direction and control. She failed.
Her parents called her a parasite, a trash, a virus. They told her she was special but different.
Her classmates called her a friend and lend help if ever in need. They pushed her away for the sakes of others.
Heriblings tried helping her is social life and relationship. They left her for their selfish needs.
Alone.
Frustrattion.
Anger.
Hurt.
And more hurt.
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"Wasn't I meant to be like this?"
"Wasn't I meant to be alone, hurting and rot to death?"
Deceit, lies, betrayal and manipulation all comes down to one thing. Pain.
The deceit and lies she was told upon, she told others. People trust her no more.
The betrayal and manipulation was brought onto her, she did those to others. They left her alone.
Small words formed big actions.
There were all promises but broken promises.
There were all the truths but turns to lies.
There were all helping aids but they forsake her.
So,
She decided.
People used her for their own needs.
People told lies to gain merits from her.
People open arms to help her, comfort her, she was naive, stupid and foolish.
Her dreams are no more, her interest are gone, her goal has been torn to million pieces and burn to ashes.
Now you know! People know!!
They cried for her, she doesn't need any!
They keep on saying sorry, she doesn't want any!
They want to washed away their guilt, she cursed them.
She cursed them to hell.
She cursed them her death would haunt them forever.
She cursed them for being selfish.
She cursed them for not supporting.
She cursed them for leaving her alone.
She cursed them all. She cursed them.
But she cursed herself for being small, scared and lonely.
She died in her sleep after she spoke to herself.
"I'm going!"
They tried to wake here up. They called the doctor. They tried everything.
But, she's gone.
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