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Written for;
Can You Make It To The End - Round 6; Break Up Fic
100 Ways To Say I Love You - 65. "I'll help you study."
Mortal Kombat Competition - Jax - A Gryffindor
Forever Regretful
It was never supposed to turn out like this. Remus had been sure that they'd have their moment, their time to shine, and instead he was left with nothing but the ashes of a love that he'd thought would last forever and a list of regrets he would never get over.
He remembered lying on his back, counting stars and pointing out constellations.
"Look, that group there looks like an octopus."
"No, it doesn't."
"It does if you squint and tilt your head."
"You're an idiot."
"Hmm. Your idiot though."
He remembered nights studying by the fire of the common room, Sirius' lips on his neck in an attempt at distraction.
"I'll help you study."
"I'd much rather do this."
"Sirius, you're putting me off."
"That's kinda the point, Moony. I want some attention."
"Finish your potions homework and I'll give you all the attention you want."
"You should be careful with promises like that, Remy. You've no idea what I want to do with you."
"I'm sure I'll enjoy finding out. Homework."
He remembered the confusion and the hurt and the pain on Sirius' face when Remus broke his heart.
"But... I love you. Why are you doing this? I know you love me too, I know you do!"
"I do love you. I'm not saying it'll be permanent, Sirius. I just think we should take a break."
"Remus... I don't understand."
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sirius."
Of course, Remus had had reason to call a break on their relationship. Dumbledore had a mission for him that would require his full attention and he couldn't give it that if he had to worry constantly about hiding things from the man he loved. He'd never imagined for a second that he'd never have the chance to make it all fine again. He'd been ecstatic when Dumbledore cleared him to leave the wolf packs when it became clear that there was nothing more to be done.
He'd thought long and hard about how to explain himself to Sirius, how to make the man see that Remus hadn't had much of an option to break up with him, even with the knowledge that it wouldn't be permanent.
"I'm so sorry, Remus. James and Lily... I'm sorry."
"But... but no. They were protected, they were safe! You can't be right."
"I saw the scene myself when I retrieved little Harry."
"No. No, no, no, no. Where's Sirius? Where is he, Albus?"
"In the wind, I'm afraid."
"He wouldn't... He couldn't... I need to find him."
Remus would be forever regretful that he hadn't been the one to find Sirius first. There's no doubt in his mind that if he'd just tried that little bit harder, if he'd looked that little bit more, everything would be different. Sirius wouldn't, couldn't have betrayed Lily and James and things would, could have been different.
Remus would forever blame himself for the events that happened.
And he would forever regret them.