Okay, it's been a while. A long while, even. An eternity, you might say. Anyway, I'm back and better than ever, though still without any time or substantial schedule. So yeah, the next update you get may be in a few months, or maybe in a day, or most likely in a year or two. I apologize. But for those who know me from my old stories, I'm sorry for the wait. Hope I've improved enough to keep up to your standards. Love you!

I'm a virgin. I admit it. 3 years of middle school and four years of high school, and I've never had a cock up my ass. I mean seriously, how can any college freshman satisfy themselves when all their sexual encounters have either involved desperate 'straight' football players or two fingers past the rectum. For real, why is it that I've sucked more dicks than I care to admit, and I've still never had a boyfriend. I mean, I've certainly tried, but in my experience, convincing a guy to cheat on their girlfriends can be difficult.

Did I say my name. Of course not. I guess it's typical of people like me to skip the intro and go straight into the real tea. Sorry, I forget I'm supposed to be telling you this story. Guess I should start.

My name is Grayson, and this is why I fucking hate Magnus Chase.

Seriously! This hobo had the nerve to start coming on to me in the middle of the street and not even pay attention to the fact that I was walking with my friend- my straight friend - who had no idea of my sexuality. Then, when I make the slightest hint of a flirt back, he's suddenly freaking out like "Oh, no homo bro!" Like bitch, if I were gonna come onto you, I'd have sucked you off in the bathroom years ago. Anyway,back to Magnus.

After he made me lose my friend, the straight one, he would keep talking to me when I'd pass him. His friends, who were significantly less attractive, though not entirely hideous, would follow him everywhere. I'd noticed they would always hang back when he would talk to me, but I just figured they were a couple of shady drug dealers or something. I mean, it's downtown Boston. Everything was sketchy. Anyway, I'd begun to make a habit of walking down this street. I'd have called him out on stalking me, but he was pretty cute for a hobo, so I just let him feed my ego. I mean, he had nice blond hair and these sturdy features that were just perfect for him. Anyway, just as I was beginning to gain confidence to ask him out, he completely disappears. Bitch, what the hell? Like, I'm trying to lose my virginity and the one remotely hot guy who's showing any interest in me just goes.

You probably think I'm a hoe. I don't blame you, I probably am. But the fact is, I was really disappointed and honestly pretty damn embarrassed. I kept thinking that maybe he had been messing with me this whole time, leading me on. But of course, that obviously wasn't the case. And just my luck, my life was about to get much more complicated. I'm walking down that same street once again, and his friends are there. I didn't really make eye contact at first, but I'd intended to look for Magnus, make sure he wasn't just hiding out. Of course, I couldn't look for more than like three seconds before one of his friends comes into view.

"Can I help you with something?" I ask them, trying to sound as bitchy as possible. (Which wasn't hard.)

"I was about to ask you the same thing. Are you looking for something? Or someone?" The man who spoke was on the short side, but not as short as the other one.

"Yes, as it happens, I am. Have you seen Magnus around here? You know, that guy you usually hang around?"

"Sure. He's not here."

"Um, where is he then?"

"He died."

Ugh, dammit. Just what I needed. I was on a roll and then they've gotta kill the mood like that. (Don't worry. I'm not trying to make light of death. I can joke about it now because I know the truth.) Back to the story!

"Um... what?"

"He's dead. He fell off the bridge and died. It happens."

A chill ran down my spine and my heart slowed. "You mean... suicide?"

"Maybe."

Clearly he wasn't gonna help me. "Okay, so if you're gonna go and be an ass hole, how about your friend speak for you."

"He can't. He doesn't talk."

The extra short guy made some kind of hand gestures that I didn't know. Probably sign language or some shit. "Gotcha."

I found it kind of odd that the poor guy explaining all this to me was giving such short answers. He was fidgety and seemed anxious, but I figured that was just a hobo thing. Either that, or he was hiding something. I hoped for the latter, since that would mean that I didn't come all the way out here for no reason.

Fortunately for me, I didn't have to dig too much for an answer.

"Okay, okay, you got me," the man mumbled only after a minute or so of awkward silence. What a waste.

"I got you? What do you mean?"

"I mean you got me. You caught me in a lie."

I just didn't care anymore. Clearly someone had been tampering with his food at the local food shelter, because this hoe was crazy. "Well okay. Guess I got you."

"Damn it. Magnus isn't dead. Well, he is, but he's alive."

Damn fool. "No offense, but you sound a little crazy."

"Well of course I would to you, you're a mortal. I mean, Magnus has moved on to the afterlife, which for him just so happens to coincide with the mortal world."

"Are you trying to make me call the mental hospital?"

"No! You're crush- I mean, your friend Magnus is on his way here. I was trying to get rid of you so we could have a little meeting in peace. Without mortal interference."

Okay, look. Ill admit I'm mortal, but the way he said it was just offensive. And really? Crush? He did not have to go there. I know a fake slip up when I hear one, I mean, I'm gay. That's my language.

"If you call me 'mortal' like that one more time I'm gonna shove that ugly shirt of yours up your nose."

"Ugly?! I will have you know, I worked hard on this! But you're missing the point. Magnus is coming. Aren't you happy?"

Of course I was happy. I mean, I'd only known him like a week, but when someone is nice to you, you sometimes just can't help but like them. But of course, I was probably too mortal to really have true feelings for him, since clearly being mortal is such a curse.

However, when I saw Magnus walk up to me, I could swear to you and to Frey himself, there was nothing mortal about that boy. His shoulders had broadened and his chest stuck out a little more. HOT! I mean, he was nice before but DAMN he had a major glow up. His jawline had become much more defined and... we're those... abs? I may faint.

Whoops, I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, he walked up and grinned as he saw me.

"Hey, Grayson. Sorry I couldn't talk to you today. I was..." he trailed off, looking to his friend for answers.

"Don't worry Magnus. I already told him."

I saw Magnus' eyes widen and his jaw hang open. It was an expression I found really damn cute and I immediately wanted him to make it again, but the moment had passed.

"Blitzen, really? You were supposed to keep your mouth shut."

"Sorry! You know I get nervous under pressure!"

I noticed the short one make more hand gestures which, this time, I didn't need too much help translating.

"Hearth, that's rude." Magnus murmured to him. I suddenly felt awkward, as if I was intruding on a personal moment between them only. But I couldn't let them forget about me.

"So, your names are Hearth and Blitzen?"

They suddenly looked to me and stopped their conversation, as if only just now remembering my existence. Rude bitches.

"Uh yeah," Blitzen said, awkwardly. "Except Hearth's real name is Hearthstone."

Hearthstone made more hand gestures. I really should start learning sign language.

"Oh. He says Hearth is fine."

Well alrighty then. Hearth it is. "Okay, so Rudolph, could you leave me and Magnus alone for a little bit? I wanna talk to him."

"Um, sorry, it's Blitzen."

"Yeah, yeah, Vixen, whatever. Anyway, can you go?"

He looked offended, and he probably was. Oh well. What can I say, I'm a bitch.

"No, I won't go now. Especially not after that outburst. Besides, I'm afraid you'll start sucking his dick or something."

He did not just go there.

"Okay, I will have you know, I don't suck the guy off until the second date. Plus, I won't suck dick on the middle of the street. Unless... you ask me to?" I turn to Magnus who's cheeks begin turning red. I hoped I'd finally succeeded in embarrassing him, but he quickly recovered.

"I bet you'd really like that." He smirked at me, and I felt my heart rate increase. The hair, the jawline, the muscles... (Yass abs!) If he kept flirting with me like this, I'd get an erection right in the middle of downtown Boston! Life's a bitch.

Blitzen's bitchass self had to be the one to interrupt the moment. "Look, we have to leave. Magnus, get ready. Valhalla is waiting."

"I'm coming, too." I stated immediately before I even realized what I said.

Ah fuck, I'm such a dumbass.

Well, even reading this through just now, I already see my writing has changed. Damn, Grayson is really not likeable. Oh well. I'm sure you'll get used to him. Hope you enjoyed, and yes, I noticed its a bit scatterbrained. A lot of the story is in Grayson's mind, with his thoughts and how they compare to what he actually says. Well, love you guys. Hope it doesn't take a year to update, but don't be too expectant on an update in the next week. Love you! Thanks.