Notes: Keep in mind that in this fan fic, Freddie is alive. Also kind of how the last season ended with "Freffy", except we will say that Effy began to spend more time with Cook, and they drifted apart, eventually breaking up. As of the current setting i the story, they are still friends, still in school. Effy's P.O.V.

I've always felt so lost. Ever since I was a young girl. No one understood me growing up, and sometimes it felt like no one tried. Maybe though it was because I never spoke. I never gave my parents a reason to suspect me of doing anything horrid. Although, from the age of 13 I began sneaking out with mates, if you can even call them that, and partying. Even then I never spoke. I snuck back home, cleaned up and my silence continued. You may wonder how I could get away with such behavior, especially doing it all the time. Well I had a lot of help actually. My brother Tony always helped me. He stalled my parents long enough for me to make it safely into the house, without getting caught. Sometimes he would even pretend to be me sleeping so as to keep my parents in the dark about my whereabouts. It seemed the only person who even remotely understood me was him. Then my parents began to learn I wasn't such an innocent girl as they thought I was. They accepted it, I suppose. Then Tony moved out. My world seemed empty, at least for a while. Soon after I went to college, where I met Pandora, Freddie, Cook, JJ, Naomi, Emily and Katie. These are the people I became closest with. They are all a little bit off though…in the head. Maybe that's why we became so close though. I'm the most fucked in the head out them all.

I have an odd history with them all though.

Panda and I are quite different, I treated her like rubbish in the past. All she wanted was to be close to me, to be mates, but I was terribly mean. I love Pandora now. I suppose you might call us best mates. She is after all, the only girl that seems to want to know me, and she doesn't judge me.

Freddie and I dated, for a while, mostly while I was in the mad house. We were quite close, I grew to love him, a lot. It got boring though, we ran out of things to chat about. We began to argue, mostly about stupid things, like unreturned phone calls, or being late for a date. The one thing that really pushed us apart though, was my time spent with Cook. I began to speak with him more, and see him more. I never did cheat on Freddie as he once thought though.

Cook. Cook is really quite something. Like I said, I had always felt that the only person that really understood me was Tony. Cook is the only other person who truly knows me, and understands me. He's pretty fucked up, he has a lot of problems. But so do I. One thing about Cook is that he knows how to care for me, that's something I don't even know how to do. It's kind of refreshing really how he can know exactly what I need, even if I don't even know. I know he loves me with all his heart. When we first met, all we did was shag a few times, never actually dated. I guess I wasn't ready for a relationship, or I thought that was all he wanted. How wrong I was. The weird part is though, that I love him too. It scares me a bit though, that I can care for someone as much as I do for Cook.

Two weeks ago, I found out that I'm pregnant.

I knocked on the door of the small flat he lived in. A few moments later the door swung open, and I saw Cook's face light up.

"Effy!," he smiled. I figured it would be best to get straight to the point.

"I'm pregnant." His face fell.

"Uh…" he seemed speechless.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, 'course…" he said hesitantly, and opened the door inviting me in. I walked in and sat on the small sofa. I never cried when I found out I was pregnant. What was the point? I still had to deal with it either way. I did worry though, I worried that Cook might fuck off somewhere like his dad did. I realized though that he wouldn't; I knew how much he resented his father for what he did, he wouldn't do the same thing to his own child. Still though, I decided to corner him in his own home…just in case.

"I just wanted to know…what it is you think we should do." I could barely look at him. I was embarrassed that I needed help. That was something Cook was helping me with, asking for help when I need it.

"…I don't know if I'm ready to be a dad."

"I don't know if I'm ready to be a mum." He was silent; his silence said more than words could. I couldn't lose him. "..Alright," I stood up. "I'll terminate it. Sorted." I ran out before he got the chance to say a word.

I began to run through the recent events in my mind. My eyes began to overflow. I wanted to slap myself. Why was I crying? There was no need for it. …But I couldn't stop thinking that he didn't want the little thing we made. Not even a bit. Sure I didn't exactly want this thing either, but it was his and mine. Something totally unique and completely ours.

Cook POV

I was laying on the floor next to a speaker, listening to some weird indie music Eff gave me, while smoking a spliff. My mind wandered to her, her eyes, brilliant fucking blue. Her hair, perfectly surrounding her beautiful face. Her lips, god those lips. I could spend the rest of my life just kissing that girl, nothing more, just her lips and mine. I love her more than anything. What I love more than her perfection though…her flaws. Her flaws help me justify how she ended up with me. She was too good for me and, I would do anything for that girl.

There was a knock at the door. I hopped up off the floor, half stoned, and went to open the door.

"Effy!" I said, she didn't seem particularly pleased, but I couldn't help but smile.

"I'm pregnant." Her face was blank, and she looked down at the ground.

Pregnant? Like with a baby? My eyes drifted down to her stomach, imagining the little thing living inside her.

Did she want to keep it? How the fuck did she expect me to be a dad? I'm a fuck up, just like my dad, and I'd probably just fuck this kid up.

I couldn't picture myself as a dad. Fuck, all I do is drink and smoke. She was looking at me expecting me to say something.

"Uh…" Was all I could manage. I didn't want to say the wrong thing, and have her run off.

"Can I come in?" She seemed calm.

"Yeah, 'course…" I said and let her in. She walked in and sat on the sofa.

"I just wanted to know…what it is you think we should do." She wouldn't look at me. I was willing to go along with whatever it was she wanted to do, but I figured she wanted my input.

"…I don't know if I'm ready to be a dad."

"I don't know if I'm ready to be a mum." As soon as the words left her mouth, I regretted what I had said. I felt like a dickhead, and in fear of saying the wrong thing again, I just stayed silent. "..Alright," She stood up. "I'll terminate it. Sorted." She ran before I could say anything.

I just needed some time to get my head sorted. I went to get the half smoked spliff, and relit it. My head was swimming. I thought I should be thrilled that I didn't have to grow up yet, but something felt wrong. It was my kid that she was carrying, it had my fucking DNA. I love her, and she loves me. We could make it work…couldn't we?