Another tutorial story, this one based on Sherlock and John's (and Anderson's) reactions to some of the more random Sherlock memes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock. If I did, there would have been a new series already! Seriously though, they need to hurry up!

Warnings: OOC-ness, mentions of slash, and internet weirdness (How do people think of that stuff?)

Sherlock Vs The Memes

Sherlock was lying on his back, on the sofa, with John's laptop on his stomach. He was doing the internet thing that everyone does at least once in their life; googling himself. What he found would scar him for life (He spent too long looking at it and the heat from the laptop burnt him).

A While Later

"John! Come here!"

"Yes, Sherlock?"

"…Are you made of kittens?"

"What?"

"Are you made of kittens? It's a simple yes or no question."

"As far as I am aware, no, I am not made of kittens. Where the hell did you get that idea?"

"The internet."

"Ah, yes. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because you're an idiot, John."

"You've really never heard of the word 'rhetorical', have you?"

"Rhetorical: 1; relating to rhetoric, 2; intended to persuade or impress, 3; a question asked for effect or to make a statement rather than to obtain an answer."

At A Crime Scene

"Sherlock?"

"Yes, John?"

"Does Anderson have a dinosaur fetish?"

"Yes, John."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"The internet is right about something then."

"I'm on the internet?" (Anderson)

"Yes." "Yes."

At 221b

"John?"

"Yes, Sherlock?"

"If you aren't made of kittens, are you made of jumpers, jam and rage instead?"

"What the hell?"

"Some people think that you are made of kittens, jumpers, jam and rage."

"Where'd they get that idea from?"

"I have no idea. The Anderson/dinosaur thing was spread by me though."

"Oh, god."

"While I appreciate your worship of me, I can assure you that I would prefer to be referred to as 'Sherlock'."

At 221b Again

"Sherlock?"

"Yes, John?"

"Some people think that you're related to a hammerhead shark."

"I am not. I also see no reason why people would think that."

"Yeah, this is definitely the most ridiculous one of these…things… I've seen so far."

221b Yet Again

"Sherlock?"

"Yes, John?"

"Do you like bees?"

"Yes, John. They are very useful pollinators and make honey. The human race would fare very badly without them."

"No Sherlock. I don't think you understand. Do you like bees?"

"Emphasising the word 'like' does nothing to clarify that question."

"Hmph, fine. Do you have a bee fetish?"

"I do not think I have a bee fetish. However, I do like bees and am currently trying to imagine what you would look like dressed as one."

"You're thinking of me in a bee outfit?"

"Not anymore. I wouldn't suit you. Maybe a yellow and black striped jumper though…"

You Should Be Able To Guess By Now

"Sherlock?"

"Yes, John?"

"Are you gay?"

"I am fairly sure I am asexual."

"Oh. If you were gay, what sort of man do you think you'd be attracted to?"

"Someone patient, who understands me and doesn't hate me. They'd have to be clever enough to keep up with me and not afraid of me and my lifestyle. Strong, useful to my work but not intrusive, and at least moderately good-looking. Is that an adequate description?"

"Yes. Is it just me, or did most of those traits match up with me?"

"All of them do."

"…Right. Why?"

"Because if I was looking for a relationship, you would be the first, and possibly only, person I'd choose."

"Right. But you're not? Looking, I mean?"

"No. Not at the moment."

"Okay. I'm gonna go now."

"Yes, I think that would be best."

I don't mind if you review or not. You probably have better things to be doing. I'm all for procrastinaton though!