A/N: Jill's return really upset me...though she's a good character to elicit Sarah's jealously. Anyways, here's my take on Sarah's thoughts after Jill's return.
Thanks to my beta WinterBaby19 for the wonderful editing!
Disclaimer: I do not own Chuck. Otherwise I'd be married to him by now and there'd be no Sarah or Jill. Heh. Neither do I own "You Belong With Me." That's all Taylor Swift.
Her Hero
You're on the phone
With your girlfriend
She's upset
She's going off about
Something that you said
She doesn't get your humor
Like I do
"I can't turn my emotions on and off like a robot."
Nothing in her life had ever stung her as much as Chuck's words. Not even the knife wounds she'd sustained in Indonesia. Nothing. She had never known Chuck could utter such vitriolic words.
But she knew he was right.
She sighed and tried to cover up anything she was feeling. She barked at Chuck to get back to work. There wasn't any point anyway. He was done with her.
She wished with all her heart that he wasn't done with her.
I'm in my room
It's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music
She doesn't like
She'll never know your story
Like I do…
Sarah could barely stand to watch Chuck with her. With Jill. How could he still be so sweet with her? After the way that she had betrayed his trust? And the way she had broken his heart? How could he be so forgiving?
But that was why Sarah loved him. He was so forgiving. If he hadn't been that forgiving, his relationship with Sarah would have been a total impossibility. She just wished that he wouldn't forgive Jill but keep forgiving her.
She was also a little bit angry with Chuck. He seemed to have moved on so quickly after that conversation in the courtyard. She on the other hand, could barely keep herself from losing it upon seeing the way Jill was looking at Chuck. She looked at him with such…affection. Pure happiness. Sarah felt that only she was allowed to give him such a look. Sarah would never have doubted Chuck at Stanford. He was too good a person to do something like that. She never would have, even for a single moment, thought that Chuck could be capable of anything underhanded. She would never have broken Chuck's heart in that way…
But it didn't matter. The way she loved Chuck, did love Chuck, didn't matter because Chuck didn't care anymore.
He had moved on.
But she wears short skirts
I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain
And I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day
When you wake up and find
That what you're looking for
Has been here the whole time
She wanted to tell Chuck about all her different names. Katie O'Connell. Jenny Burton. Rebecca Franco. And her real name. She wished she could tell him. But in the end, what did it matter? When she was with him, Sarah Walker was who she truly was, and she wanted to stay Sarah Walker for him. Before this assignment, she had been whoever the CIA needed her to be. Now though, she wanted to only be Sarah Walker. Whoever she had been in the past was irrelevant. Chuck made her feel the most like her, the most comfortable. And he knew her as Sarah Walker, so Sarah Walker she would remain. But was there even any point in making such a distinction? Did he even care anymore? He had Jill again. Someone who could give him the real relationship he deserved.
Sarah saw how much of a nothing she was compared to Jill. Jill was the intelligent science girl. Sarah was the mysterious black belt. Jill offered Chuck an open and honest relationship. Sarah offered Chuck the equivalent of a long distance connection. Jill offered Chuck stability. Sarah offered Chuck chaos.
Sarah was nothing compared to what Jill. And yet, Sarah knew that her love for Chuck was truer. Her trust in him would never falter like Jill's had.
She knew that she wasn't the one for Chuck because she couldn't give him stability. But she understood him better than anyone else. She read him. She knew him.
She loved him.
If you could see
That I'm the one
Who understands you
Been here all along
So why can't you see
You belong with me
You belong with me.
She'd made the bet with Casey because she had known that Jill would let him in. What girl wouldn't let him in? With that sincere tone and sweet words he could make any girl turn to mush. Or maybe just her.
No, Jill had let him in. His elusive charm had worked on another woman. She wished with all her heart that it hadn't. That charm was supposed to be only for her. She knew that she had no right to claim Chuck like that, but she still felt possessive.
She still felt possessive because as easy as it had been for Chuck to forget about her, Sarah couldn't stop thinking about Chuck. Seeing him everyday with his dorky half smile and disarming nature was about all she could handle.
She knew she was being selfish. But if she couldn't have a relationship with him, no one else should be able to either.
That was that.
Walking the streets
With you and your worn out jeans
I can't help thinking
This is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench
Thinking to myself
Hey, isn't this easy?
Their first date had been so wonderful. She'd even let it slip that she liked him. Such words should not leave the mouth of a trained agent. But the effect he had on her brought out her weaknesses.
He was the most dangerous person she'd ever come across and he wasn't even a trained killer. He could just smile and she was hopelessly lost in his eyes. Or he'd say something even slightly comical and she'd be doubled over laughing. He just did things to her.
At first she'd thought, this shouldn't be happening. Soon though, she'd given in to the occasional love-filled glance. She couldn't help it.
It was just so easy.
And you've got a smile
That could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in awhile
Since she brought you down
You say you're fine
I know you better than that
Hey what are you doing
With a girl like that?
Jill made him sad. Sarah could feel it every time she had been brought up in the past. So then why was he putting himself through the torture? Why risk the possibility of getting hurt again?
At first it had been because of the CIA. Matter of national security and all that. But afterwards, he'd rekindled all his feelings for her. Why?
Sarah didn't like to think that she herself had driven him to Jill. But in the end, she knew that she had. It was like a punch in the stomach – knowing that she had given Chuck to Jill. She hated herself for it. She wished that Chuck would just wait. But she knew that she couldn't ask Chuck to do that. He didn't have to wait for her. Chuck deserved something now. Even if it was from his heartbreaking ex-girlfriend.
She wears high heels
I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and
I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day
When you wake up and find
That what you're looking for
Has been here the whole time
When Chuck had refused to let Jill give the lecture, Sarah felt that same old pang of jealously she had felt when she'd seen the protectiveness Chuck exhibited over Lou. She wanted Chuck to be protective of her in that way. But he wouldn't be. He didn't need to be.
So she had volunteered to give the lecture. It was no problem. She was a trained agent. She would be fine. Everything would be fine.
But Sarah had to admit that when Chuck hadn't protested at the idea of her putting her life in danger, she had been hurt.
But what did she expect?
If you could see
That I'm the one
Who understands you
Been here all along
So why can't you see
You belong with me
Standing by and
Waiting at your backdoor
All this time
How could you not know baby?
You belong with me
You belong with me.
That kiss.
She should have been the one kissing him. Not Jill. Never Jill. Never anyone else but her.
The smile on her face had shriveled into a frown the moment she'd seen Jill standing there, beaming up at Chuck. Like her was her hero.
No. He was Sarah's hero. Only ever Sarah's.
Oh, I remember
You driving to my house
In the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
And I know your favorite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
Think I know where you belong
Think I know it's with me
She was so proud of what Chuck had done. Everything that he had done. He was so brave. So courageous. He was willing to risk his life to save everyone.
But he was willing to go into a room filled with a deadly virus for Jill. He was willing to be stuck with needles for Jill. He was willing to do all this for Jill. Sarah wished he'd do all that for her. But she'd given up that chance.
That chance was gone.
Can't you see
That I'm the one
Who understands
Been here all along
So why can't you see?
You belong with me.
She wanted him to see that even a half relationship with her was better than no relationship with her, and so much better than a relationship with Jill. She wanted him to take back what he'd said in the courtyard. She wanted…
She just wanted him.
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me?
But more than wanting him, Sarah wanted him to be happy.
If her Chuck, her hero, was happy with Jill, then she'd make sure it stayed that way.
Wasn't love selflessly doing whatever it takes to make sure that the person you love is happy?
If Chuck was truly happy with Jill, then Sarah would protect them.
It would make her happy to see Chuck happy.
You belong with me.
But in the deep recesses of her heart, she knew she'd only ever truly be happy when Chuck was hers.
When Chuck belonged to her.
But that would never happen.
You belong with me…
R&R please! :)