A/N: If anyone is wondering why I only do Zoro/Sanji pairings…it's because it's just so damned hilarious. The idea that a macho man and a womanizer would be gay is just too funny.
Anyway, this story is just a written version of a doujinshi by Haga Inochi that I found on Livejournal (waterbaby12us was the username, I believe). The words are a bit different, though.
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The Beginning of it All.
On one uneventful day aboard the Going Merry, Monkey D. Luffy decided to experiment with his crew. To be more specific, he was interested in seeing the effects of a certain technique on the two strongest members of the ship.
Black Leg Sanji, and Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro.
Apart, they were deadly weapons of mass destruction. When they fought together, few enemies could take them down. If it wasn't for their inherent and mutual dislike, nothing could have stopped them.
"Hey guys, I have this reaaally cooool idea!" Luffy exclaimed, jumping into the kitchen. Sanji was dicing orange slices while Zoro was brooding over a bottle of rum at the table.
"…shit, what is this idiot up to now?" Zoro muttered, leaning back suspiciously.
"You just had lunch, Luffy," Sanji said immediately.
"Nah, that's not what I was talking about—but now that you remind me, you should make some meat—" Luffy began, but stopped when Zoro and Sanji hit him on top of the head. "Ow! Okay, okay, I'll get to the point. You know how I get all powered up when I go into Gear Second, right? Well, I want you guys to try it!" he said enthusiastically, looking expectantly at the duo.
"…" Zoro was speechless at the idiocy of the suggestion.
"You dumbass! We can't do that; our bodies aren't made of rubber! Are you trying to kill us?" Sanji yelled.
"Naaah, it'll be alright!" Luffy assured them, doing a 'thumbs up.' "Do it, now!"
Zoro sighed. "Captain's orders."
"Are you insane, too?!" Sanji roared at Zoro, his face turning red with anger. Zoro glared at him.
"Do you think I want to do this, too? I said, it's captain's orders," Zoro said shortly.
"Ugh, alright."
They stood shock-still, concentrating on accomplishing the feat. The air heated up noticeably around their arms and a slight hissing sound was heard as steam billowed off of their bodies. Sanji breathed out a stream of smoke, muttering "This cigarette feels a little cold."
"Gear…" Zoro murmured. His body quivered at the rush of power and energy he felt.
"…Second," Sanji finished. He loosened his tie in one fluid motion, trying to alleviate the heat that coursed through his body.
---
Jumping.
"Oi, Zoro! Lunch is ready, come down and get it!" Usopp called out to Zoro, who was currently in the crow's nest sleeping—er, keeping watch.
"Hnn? Eh, I'm on my way down," Zoro said, rising with a yawn while brushing breadcrumbs off of his shirt. He and Sanji hadn't figured out how to deactivate the effects of Gear Second, and they had to keep eating to replenish the nutrients that were continuously depleted by the strain of the technique on their bodies. He jumped onto the ledge of the crow's nest and jumped down to the deck.
"AUGH ARE YOU CRAZY, ZORO?!" Usopp yelled in panic, trying to find something to break the swordsman's fall. Unfortunately, there were other things the sniper should have been working about.
Zoro landed lightly on the deck of the Going Merry. Unfortunately, his entire body created an impact whose magnitude nearly split the little ship into two pieces. Usopp fell on the ground, foaming at the mouth.
"Hm? What's wrong with you, Usopp?" Zoro looked in confusion at the long-nosed man, brushing splinters off of his shoulders and stepping out of the crater he had created. "Huh. Weird…"
---
Lunchtime.
The crew ate voraciously, attempting to keep Luffy's rubber hands off of their food. Zoro and Sanji especially ate a lot, as the effects of Gear Second still hadn't worn off yet. They were still steaming, like fresh barbeque pork buns.
"Munch, munch. You guys still haven't figured out how to get out of Gear Second?" Luffy mumbled through a mouthful of rice and steak.
"Baka, it's your fault that we're in this position in the first place! You can't even tell us how you get out of it?" Sanji growled angrily, furiously chewing on a slice of grilled zucchini.
Luffy thought carefully. It looked as though the strain was almost painful for him. "Hm, well, usually I just think 'stop' and it stops. Have you tried that?"
Zoro smacked him on the back of the head. "It doesn't work that way for us. I think it's because we don't have the Devil's Fruit ability, but we don't have that kind of control over this." He returned to shoveling rice into his mouth, and his chopsticks flew at an alarming rate. If his chopsticks slipped even a little, he could have impaled his mouth.
"Zoro, you have some rice stuck on your cheek," Sanji said, reaching over with one hand. His fingers brushed against Zoro's face gently. Unfortunately, the powers of Gear Second had a disastrous effect.
Zoro flew out of his chair and slammed into and through the wall, leaving a distinct Zoro-shaped hole in the kitchen wall. ("Cool!" Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp cheered.) He then proceeded to soar over the railing of the ship and into the water, skipping three times until he finally sank into the water.
"…Oops?" Sanji said meekly, rushing outside to see what had happened.
"You shitty cook!" Zoro roared, climbing back on board. Despite the fact that he had been hurled and skipped like a stone over a hundred yards out into the water, he had swum with an unnatural strength back to the ship. After all, he was still in Gear Second as well.
---
Bathtime.
Zoro stood in the bathroom, stripping off his clothes. Although the heat that emanated from his body allowed him to stay dry after his little encounter with the ocean at lunchtime, that also meant that the saltwater had dried and crusted on his body unpleasantly.
"Damned cook…" he muttered, slinging a towel over his steaming torso as he turned on the water for the bath. When the tub was full, he stepped into the water. Upon contact with his foot, the water began to steam furiously. "What the hell?" Zoro said in alarm, seeing that despite the fact that his leg was in the tub, he wasn't wet.
He looked down and saw that the tub was empty; his body heat had boiled it all away.
"……."
When Sanji entered the bathroom, he found a very sour swordsman sitting resentfully in an empty tub, steaming.
---
Party.
"Woo!" Luffy cheered, raising his tankard to toast with Nami. Across from them sat Sanji and Usopp, singing together drunkenly as they waved their drinks haphazardly.
"Mmm, sembei," Chopper said happily as he munched on a handful of rice crackers. Zoro threw his head back as he chugged down the contents of his tankard (let's just pretend that alcohol doesn't evaporate at the same rate that water does, and that it won't boil away like the water in the tub did. Zoro would probably commit suicide without his sake). Robin smiled, laughing behind one hand.
It wasn't long until everyone was collapsing from the alcohol and the sheer exuberance. Sanji leaned against Zoro drowsily, his head resting on the swordsman's shoulders.
"I think I'm drunk, Zoro," Sanji slurred, closing his eyes dreamily.
Zoro looked down in surprise, and scoffed while he blushed. "Pfft…saying things like that will make me want to ravish you," he said dismissively.
"Want to do it, then?" Sanji asked, a blush staining his own cheeks—from lust or drunkenness, it cannot be said with certainty. He was already naked with the speed of Soru from Gear Second.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, ERO-COOK?!" Zoro shouted, putting his hands out to shield himself from the sight. "PUT THAT AWAY!"
---
No inhibitions.
Nami woke with a start, hearing thumping and other loud noises coming from the kitchen. She rose quickly (she hadn't been that drunk, anyway) and looked at the kitchen door. The whole ship seemed to quiver with the vibrations of the source of the noise.
"What are those morons doing now…?" she asked herself, rising angrily. She opened the door with a bang and yelled, "Stop being so noisy! There are other people on this ship, too…" Her voice faded away at the sight that met her eyes.
"Ero-cook, hurry up and come already—"
"Shut up, marimo, I have more endurance—"
"Bullshit! How's this, then—?"
"Oooh, that feels good—"
Nami felt a single sweatdrop fall down her temple. The room simmered with heat like an enormous oven, and she saw a large blur in the middle of the room surrounded by clothes that looked as though they'd been torn off in a hurry. She saw the shreds of a green haramaki on one side, and the tattered remains of a black suit on the other.
"What the heck?" she said in disbelief.
They were, indeed, having the most powerful, roughest sex possible at Soru-speed.
---
Dismay.
"Luffy, you need to help us get rid of this stupid condition," Zoro and Sanji demanded darkly in unison as they approached their captain. Zoro still had his black pants on, but Sanji was stripped down to his boxers. They were huffing and puffing, while sweating from exertion.
"Eh, why?" Luffy asked blearily, picking his nose.
"Er," Zoro said, hesitating.
Sanji rolled his eyes, and answered for the prudish first mate.
"Gear Second cuts down on our stamina until we can't even orgasm without getting famished."