Author's note:
It may be a one-shot, it may turn into regular series. Write a review if you wish to see more. Enjoy :)
"HARLEY!"
A loud scream vibrated through the air, giving every thug in the Steel Mill a very precious information.
Joker was angry.
"Looks like Jay's about to blow some heads.", I said. I knew Joker long enough to know that few people alive or few people dead didn't really make a difference to him.
"Naah, he's been pretty stable lately.", Wacky said. He was a rather tall, muscular guy; no wonder he took the protective armor for himself.
"Stable? The Joker? Yeah, right.", Sharky added. Jay already gave him a taste of his frustration once and boy, he barely made it out alive from that smelting chamber.
"He's been pretty quiet, that's true. But that pretty much means that he can blow up any minute now.", Grey said. At the age of fifty-two he was the oldest of us, so he liked to play the smart one. Hell, he really was the smart one, but bragging about it was pretty annoying.
"HARLEY!", another yell made its way from the boss' office.
"What do ya think it is now ?", I asked. Guessing why did the Joker do something was completely pointless, but it was our favourite thing to do while we weren't beaten up by the Bat or playing cards.
"Maybe it's about the socks again?", Wacky suggested.
"I'm pretty sure he can find them now... can he?", Sharky asked with doubt.
"The boss has been wearing the same suit for weeks. It's kinda gross, but it solved the socks problem.", Gray added.
"HARLEY!"
"Ok, I'll go and tell Harley that the boss wants to see her.", I said and took my gun with me before leaving. I knew perfectly well that Joker would probably kill me if I'd even try to hurt Harley, but nevertheless, I felt safer while talking to her when I had a gun in my hand.
Harley was in the smelting chamber, watching some of the guys as they were practicing at a provisional shooting range we've set up there.
"Hey, Harl, the boss wants to see ya.", I said shortly.
Harley's face took on a worried expression; her eyes widened..
"Mistah J needs me now? Is he feeling worse?", she asked nervously.
"I dunno, but..."
"Does he need more meds?!"
"I ain't sure, but..."
"Is he dying?!"
"I wish I was dying.", I thought to myself. "Harley, Jay is fine. Just go to the office and talk to him. Right?", I asked. I felt like a damn nanny, with the exception of getting a decent salary.
"Right!", Harley stood up and saluted, which looked pretty comically. She got in the elevator leading to the higher levels and left me thinking.
"How the hell did she survive in this place ?"
I knocked on the door quietly; Mistah J didn't like when I was acting noisy. Or speaking. Or acting noisy while speaking.
"Hello? Puddin'?"
"Har... ley...", he let out a weak whisper and coughed.
"Puddin'!", I said with shock. No, no, no, no, this could not be happening!
I ran to him and kneeled by his side, grabbing his arm and shaking it, like if it was going to help.
"Harley... you're here.", he whispered.
"I am here, puddin'.", I said through tears.
"Listen... I don't how much longer I have left.", he said and coughed again. "Listen, you need to be strong... you need...", he said only to be interrupted by another coughing fit.
"What? What is it?", I said and almost pressed my ear against his mouth to hear him better.
"When I'm gone... you need to... burn down your wardrobe. It's awful. You dress like a poor-man's Miley Cyrus. Harley Circus.", Mistah J said and burst into laughter, completely shocking me. "And that is EXACTLY the kind of reaction I want from you when we perform this little act of ours on the Bats! If you... if you could only see your face! It's hilarious!", he said and laughed again.
"But... I thought you were dying...", I said with disbelief.
"I know! I'm real good at this. Might've pursueed the acting career if it wasn't for that little incident with mr. Gibson and his wife. They still think it was him. Anyway, we need to work on your acting. When the Bats comes here..."
"But... how will he find us?"
"The way he always finds us... Psychic powers, of course! I mean, he couldn't just be a regular guy in a bat suit, right ?"
"Okay... so, when he'll find us..."
"I want you to pretend that I'm really dead. I want you to cry, mourn me, cut your wrists if you wish."
"Um... and then?"
"Then, the Clayface..."
"How is he suddenly here?"
"The power of plot, my dear. Anyway, then Clayface, disguised as me, will sneak up on him and and knock him out using this anasthetic gas, and then..."
"Couldn't I just knock him out with a bat ?"
"No, because I want him to think that I'm not sick. Besides, beating a Bat with a bat would be ridiculous. Then, we'll put him into a wheelchair..."
"Like Bane once did ?"
"Noooo. We're gonna stick him to it with a tape in order to pump him up with some of my blood. Then I'll let him know that I'm sick..."
"Then why do you want him to think that you're fine in the first place?", I asked with confusion.
"Huh. women! Always making irrational schemes and not showing the slightest sign of comprehension when it comes to simple plans! Anyway, after I have a little chat with him, I'm gonna push him from the window in that wheelchair..."
"Won't that kill him?"
"Nope."
"How can you know that, puddin'?"
"Because he's Batman."
I couldn't help but just nod.
"Then, he'll have to find a cure for me and all those people from Gotham that I poisoned.", Mistah J said with a triumphal smile.
"But... wouldn't he just save all those people anyway? What's the point of poisoning him? What if he dies on his way to get the cure?"
"Oh, questions, questions, questions! Enough of these. You know what time this is?", Mista J asked.
"Sponge-bath time?"
"No."
I just sighed with relief.
"It's time for you to get out of my office!", he shouted suddenly.
"Sure puddin', no problemo.", I said nervously with a big smile and left the office in a hurry.
Joker sat back in his chair, looking at the amusement mile. The industrial smog covered the sky long time ago, along with the winter clouds.
"God, she's got a point. No wonder I get defeated every time.", Joker said to himself.