Miss You
Note: After writing Miss Me, I realized that there is always more and more and more than can be written about those times that Roxas and Axel had… And over the past few days, I've been personally experiencing something akin to how Roxas feels in this story. This story is a companion and/or a sequel to Miss Me. It stands quite well on its own, without reading the first story, but there is an obvious connection between the two of them. So, you can enjoy this story on its own, or get twice the heartbreak by reading both.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the characters, just my portrayal of them and the plots that come with it them. Please, don't sue.
Description: It didn't take long for Roxas to realize that you didn't need a heart to feel heartbreak. 500 word drabble. AxelRoxas
The first few days were the worst for Roxas. It was bad enough that it felt like the void where his heart should have been ached more than ever. It was bad enough that his last words to Axel were to try and erase everything he had tried to feel, and the reply was like the twist of the knife he'd embedded into his own non-Heart.
What were worst were the mood swings: one moment, Roxas was determined to find Sora, and actively searching for him, and the next he was angry at himself for being stupid enough to leave Organization XIII over something he didn't quite understand, then he would be angry at Axel for letting him go, and then back to determination.
And when he unwillingly thought of all the things that they'd done together, he would laugh at some, and blush at others, and then with no warning, Roxas would lose control over himself and he'd crumple to the ground and cry all over again.
And when he became determined again, he kept reminding himself that Nobodies couldn't feel, and they didn't cry, and if they did… Well, it was only fake crying. He would convince himself that it was just a game he and Axel had been playing for nearly a year and bury any doubt that cropped up in his heart. But his denial only could last so long before it crumpled forgotten when the feelings of regret and pain came flooding back.
The pain didn't stop, and he doubted it would ever stop, even when he suppressed it and went on. In the moments of his worst despair, crying and sobbing and wishing he knew the way to get back to Axel, he thought it was never, ever going to end. When the cloaked man, Riku, he later found out, came to get him the second time, Roxas was almost willing to give himself over to him it hurt so bad to be away. He was in one of his worst moments of despair, but fought with all he had. When Riku felled the final blow, and Roxas fell unconscious, the last thing he felt was complete relief and he thought he might have been crying again.
Through the glaze of tears and pain and the unconsciousness that was descending over him, he thought that the past days had proved what he had been fighting since he and Axel had begun their evasive game of lust, desire, feelings he hadn't thought really existed. He recalled Xemnas's words from when he'd first begun with the Organization:
"Nobodies don't have Hearts, so they only pretend to. From Larxene's sadism to Axel's range of "emotion"… all of them are just pretend. We Nobodies are very good at pretending."
While Roxas was falling unconscious, drowning in his pain as he had for days, he realized that even if he didn't have a heart, his pain, his longing, his love, and his desire for Axel certainly weren't made up.
End