Don't Say Goodbye Chapter 1, a hetalia - axis powers fanfic

Things are changing
It seems strange and
I need to figure this out

Matthew started down at the floor as Gilbert embraced him into one last hug. He knew this was coming, but it all seemed to come too fast… "I'll miss you." Gilbert was leaving.

You've got your life I got mine
But you're all I cared about

Matthew bit his lip as Gilbert pulled away and stared at him. He was going to be alone… Gilbert smiled "I'll write to you everyday, promise." Matthew frowned and turned his head "Just go." Gilbert looked taken aback. Gilbert had to go back to his family. He had only come to America to get his education. Matthew had been forgotten by his parents years ago…Gilbert was the only one in his life.

Yesterday we were laughing
Today I'm left here asking
Where has all the time gone now?
I'm left alone somehow

Gilbert frowned and reached out "Matthew…" Matthew took a step back. "If you're going to leave, just leave silently. It will make it easier for the both of us." The Prussian flinched, put his hand down and slowly picked up his things. "I-If that's what you want." Matthew clenched his fists. Of course that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted his Gilbert to stay with him. How could Gilbert believe him? Gilbert gave Matthew a sad look and made his way toward the hall that would lead him to his plane.

Growing up and getting older
I don't want to believe it's over

Matthew watched Gilbert walk away. It took everything in him to not go running down the hall and beg him to stay. That would be pointless though. Gilbert had to go, he had been looking forward to it for months now. Once Gilbert was out of sight tears began to fall down his face. He was really gone. Matthew wiped his tears away and headed for his car.

Don't say goodbye
Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight
Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I
And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye.

7 months later

Do you remember In December
How we swore we'd never change

It was July. It had been seven months since Gilbert had left him. Everyday, as promised, he had gotten a letter from Gilbert, but he never opened them. He couldn't. Matthew got a full scholarship and was admitted to one of the best colleges in Canada; he was studying to be a dental hygienist.

Even though you're leaving
That our feelings
Would always stay the same

Matthew closed the door of his apartment and set all his books on his desk knocking a picture onto the floor. Matthew cursed and picked up the photo. It was of him and Gilbert on their first date. Gilbert had -somehow- gotten enough money for a cruise.

They were walking around on the deck eating cotton candy.

I wish we could be laughing
Instead I'm standing here asking

Gilbert had gotten the bright idea of shoving half of it in Matthews face, successfully covering Matthew in it. Someone happed to be there to get the picture. Matthew looked annoyed and Gilbert- of course- was laughing his head off.

Do we have to end this now?
Can we make it last somehow?
We both know what we've gotta say, not today
Cause I don't wanna leave this way.

Matthew smiled and put the picture back in its place, beside the thousands of unopened letters. Matthew sat down, opened his biology book and began to study. Though after five unsuccessful minutes he closed the book and looked through the pile. Half of his months was missing. Matthew shrugged it off and took the first letter. He hesitated but cut it open and read the paper.

December 13th - Letter 1

Dear Matthew,

I'm sorry I had to leave. I would have stayed if I could but…my family want to see me and I wanted to see them. I'll come back and see you, I promise. I hope you're not still mad. I love you

- The Awesome Gilbo.

Matthew giggled. He had teased Gilbert with that name ever since he met him, he hated it. Matthew took the next letter.

December 13th - Letter 2

My dearest Matthew,

Ha! What an awesome way to start a letter, huh? Well Germany has been great, better than I remember. I wish you could be here to share the experience with me. Howe are you doing? Did you get that acceptance letter from that college in…uhm…where ever it was at? Of course you did! You're like really smart. You still gonna be that dentist thing? Please write back soon. I love you.

- Gilberto

Matthew took a letter sometime from February…but instantly he wished he didn't.

February 14th - Letter 63

I finally got Roderich. After what seemed like so many rejections he finally warmed up to me. Of course he's Austrian so that explains a lot. Its his first time actually going out so he's probably nervous. Not much else today…I'm still saving up my money to come see you.

-Gilbert

Matthew crunched the paper in his hands. Gilbert moved on? Matthew slammed the paper on his desk. They have been apart for three months now. He should have expected this. People get lonely. Matthew took the remaining letters and one by one dumping them into the trash bin. That was fine with him. As long as he is happy…

Matthew wasn't sure what happened next but next thing he knew he felt a sharp pain in his arm and something warm was running down it. Blood. He fell to his knees and dropped the knife. He looked down at his arm and saw the words 'Gilbert'. Why did he care so much? He left him. Gilbert was never coming back…he had someone else. Matthew was starting to see black spots dancing in his vision…maybe now he wont be lonely anymore.

And if it's over
It hurts but I'm giving you my word
I hope that you're always
Happy like we were Happy like we were.

"Matthew…Matthew…" Matthew opened his eyes to see nothing but black. Was this where he would go? Matthew shook his head, no…he didn't want to be alone. Matthew looked all around him for someone or some source of light. But then a color caught his eye. It was a silver color, it was forming into a shape…a person. No…two people. Matthew gasped as the first person became more apparent. It was Gilbert!

He grinned, but it faded as another person came into view. He had his arms around Gilbert and was grinning as was Gilbert. Gilbert opened mouth "I found someone else. You're alone. You deserve it. I never loved you." Matthew felt his heart sink. No…He ran towards Gilbert but as he did Gilbert and the man became farther away.

"Gilbert! Please! Come back!" Matthew tried to run faster but soon Gilbert and the man disappeared completely. Matthew dropped to his knees. Not again, he didn't want to be alone!

"Matthew! Matthew!" Matthew looked up. It was Gilberts voice…and it sounded…sad. Worried. Matthew looked around, where was he? A bright light flashed in front of him, blinding him.

Matthew blinked his eyes open but closed them and groaned; he heard movement. "Matthew? Are you awake? Oh gosh please wake up. Don't leave me. Please." Matthew felt a tight grip on his hand. "Ouch, please don't squeeze so hard." The grip loosened and was about to be taken away but Matthew held on. "Don't let go." He blinked his eyes opened again and was able to keep them open. The first thing he saw was red eyes. "Gilbert?"

He was instantly pulled into a hug and he could feel tear soaking into his shirt. "Gil? What are you doing here? Why are you crying?" Gilbert looked back at him and cupped his face. "Don't ever do that again. You scared me! I thought I lost you!" Matthew gave him a confused look and winced as he moved his right arm the memories coming back to him. "I'm not dead?" Gilbert frowned "No, thank gott." Matthew blinked "But you're in Germany."

Gilbert chuckled "I left after I heard you attempted suicide. You're in the hospital, Matthew. Your lucky your neighbor wanted to borrow some sugar, let herself in and saw you lying in your kitchen. Really Matthew…what were you thinking?" Matthew looked away. "You had someone else." Gilbert blinked and sat up straighter. "…Huh? What the hell gave you that idea?" Tear began to roll down Matthews cheeks. "Roderich." Gilbert blinked and barked out a laugh making Matthew jump and also confused.

"Mathew dear. Did you not read any of my awesome letters? Roderich is my cat. I was going to adopt him after Gilbird died. He hated me though so I came by the shelter everyday so he would trust me." Matthew giggled. "Wow…I thought…" Gilbert gave him a long kiss. "No. You're the only one for me, Matthew." Matthew sighed and looked away. "When do you have to go back?" Matthew had to know but didn't expect the answer he was given,

"Never." Matthew looked back to Gilbert. "But your family-" Gilbert shook his head "They understand. They rushed me off once they heard the news about you. They are probably happy I'm not always talking their heads off about you. "Matthew blushed, "So…you're staying?" Gilbert nodded. "My stuff is already at your house." Matthew looked surprised "You're serious?" Gilbert nodded rubbed his nose against his "Yes. I'll stay with you till the day we die." He leaned the rest of the way and gave Matthew a long kiss. Matthew wrapped his arms around Gilbert and grinned "I love you. So much."

And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye.