Cold. Everything is so, so cold. My mind is numb from it. My fingers and hands lost their usual warmth hours ago. My eyes have finally run dry of tears. My body is void of all feeling whatsoever. I stare into space. Cold, damp space. Nothing is here anymore except for my empty body and frozen mind. Everything left when Dimitri claimed love for Lissa. And she returned it. I feel dead inside. Not really, I don't feel at all.

I lay here, on my bed. I just cannot grasp this. Lissa and Dimitri? Huh! Never. This isn't real. None of this is real. I'm still unconscious from Strigoi Dimitri hurting me. I'm really dreaming right now. Yes, that's what it is. Just a dream. After all, being seduced by a Strigoi would make me so happy right now. Better than my current situation, this is hopefully only a dream.

But it's not. It is so, so real. Dimitri loves Lissa. Not me. Never me. I feel sick. A terrible pain erupts from my core. So painful. I scream, but no sound comes out. I sob tearless sobs. But all of it is for nothing. The pain withers within me and my body contracts from the hurt.

It's right about then that I start thinking "what if". What if I had never gone to Russia to find out about charming objects, which lead to finding out about healing things, which lead to finding Victor's brother, which lead to the possibility of healing Strigoi, which lead to healing my Dimitri, which lead to…..

I tell myself not to finish those words, but my havocked mind cannot help but finish the memory.

Fighting, screaming, fire everywhere. Too much, it's much too much. I am so overwhelmed. I see the warehouse where Dimitri is hovering over me, ready to kill. But he doesn't know that I'm ready to strike. But both he and I aren't aware of Lissa there, with her charmed stake, poised and ready.

I scream out to her to stop and leave. She needs to be safe, protected. But before the sound waves of my voice can reach her, her fragile, small hands have shoved the silver stake deep into Dimitri's chest. But it's not far enough.

I leap up to push her out of the way, for Dimitri is furious and thrashing with a look of shock on his face. Christian beats me to Lissa and tenderly but fiercely wraps his capable arms around Lissa's slender waist. He pulls her to the ground, protectively on top of her body.

Then Dimitri reaches down and grasps Christian's head in his wide hands and gives one small flick. And that's it. Christian is dead.

Dimitri pushes the once distinguished, remarkable, talented, and eminent Moroi aside and reaches for Lissa, who is propped up on her elbows, lying down, a terrible stunned look of shock and disbelief on her face. I stand there, frozen, my face equally taken aback. The whole world has shrunk into this small scene of a lifeless Christian, a frozen me, a menacing Strigoi, and a stunned Lissa.

Everything is suddenly in slow motion; I have no time to react after what I just saw.

Lissa leapt up and shoved the stake that was still in Dimitri's chest farther in than I thought possible.

Everything after that is a blur to me; only fragments remembered.

Bright light, Dimitri on the ground, Lissa holding him, me going towards him with arms outstretched, Dimitri in Lissa's arms, Dimitri looking with deep, beautiful, non-Strigoi eyes into Lissa's eyes, not mine, his hand cupping her face, her hand running through his luscious hair, their lips so close, him whispering, her whispering.

"You saved me, Lissa," staggered breath from Dimitri.

"I did it," heavy, fast breath from Lissa.

"I love you" Dimitri stares deep into Lissa's eyes. Adoring, longing, needing.

"I love you, too"

Then I collapse.

I have no idea how I got back to my room.

A scream escapes me. It's blood-curdling. Full of loss and pain and need and want and hurt. It is so loud. But I don't care. I have been betrayed. By Lissa. By Dimitri. By Christian. The last time I heard Lissa through the bond, she wasn't even caring about Christian's death. She was thinking about Dimitri. About loving him and wanting to be by him. Nothing about hurting me. So I shut out the bond from her.

Oh, God! I cry out yet again. I can feel my pain crawling throughout me like a serpent. It slithers and wraps around me, coursing through my skin. It curls around my neck and ties me into an emotionless ball. The pain evades my brain, ransacking it and crushing my skull. And I let it. At least when there is pain, there are no memories. I concentrate on it, allow it to consume me. Every inch of me.

I cringe. Then I stop. I stop everything. Just can't, I just can't do this. Mope around like this. I shove the pain back. I push it so hard, it snaps back like I'm getting whipped.

I slowly get up and walk to my bathroom. I can do this. I can keep my mind blank. I can do it. I will be a statue for the rest of my life, never get involved again. You can do it, Rose. You're strong.

I'm not that strong.

My small pathetic shield recoils; the weight of what happened is just too much. Everything floods back in all at once and I am so overwhelmed. My mind simply cannot process the whole thing all together.

I collapse onto the floor.

A/N: I kind of have plans to continue this, but I want to know if people want me to continue before I do. :) This is my first fanfic, so any type of constructive criticism is appreciated.