We were sitting in her room when I broke the soft silence. I hugged her to me tightly and rested my head on her shoulder.

"I'm gonna miss you so much…" And she started crying a little, saying sorry over and over.

"Ash, I cant do this anymore." My world stopped. My heart froze, and my mind was racing. I sat up straight.

"Can't do what?"

"I don't love you any more…."

That's all I heard. She kept talking but it all fell on deft ears. She doesn't love me? I remember sitting still for a few minutes, her crying, just sitting there staring at me waiting for some kind of reaction. Then it happened. Something clicked in the back of my mind.

"She doesn't love you…"

Now this part I sorta blacked out so there arent many details. But I remember losing complete control.

" You don't what?" Confusion and heartbreak dripping from my voice.

"I can't lie anymore, I don't love you."

When I heard those words I immediately thought back to a few hours ago. And how perfect my life felt at the time. Watching a movie with my future wife. Being in her presence was, after 3 years, still an honor to me.

We finished watching 'Rent' and she got up to let her new dog outside. I look over at the angel standing before me with love filled eyes. And I decide it's been too long since I've touched her. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist.

"I love you." I whisper in her ear. She looks thoughtful for a minute. Starring out at a perfect pre-summer day.

"I love you too." she says after a good pause. I snuggle into her closer then turn her around to face me. Fingering the diamond ring on her left hand I asked.

"You're still gonna marry me right?"

"Of course love. Why wouldn't I?" I look into those beautiful eyes again. The eyes of my lover, my best friend.

"Just making sure."

Now that I look back I should've seen the signs. Her pulling away every time a certain girl came around. Not allowing me to kiss her in public. And the biggest sign was that we weren't having sex anymore.

It wasn't like we were together just for the sex. But when it happened it was so intimate. Yes there were days when we went at each other like two cats in heat, but mostly we were just so gentle. Loving touches and holding hands the whole time. Pulling each other in for a kiss as hands stayed in place and we rode out orgasms. Then holding each other until we were ready to go again…or fell asleep in loving arms.

I had snuggled up close to her the night before, kissing her neck softly while my left hand made it's way slowly over her perfect body to slip under the waist of her jeans. She stiffened. And her eyebrows furrowed together, I stopped all movement.

"What's wrong?" I needed to know.

"Nothing, babe. I guess I'm just not in the mood for it.. You mad?"

"No I'm not mad. Why would I be?" What's going on here? She's freaking me out big time.

"Can we just cuddle till we fall asleep?" She pouted.

"Sure love, anything you want."

That's when she started crying, she'll never admit I knew. But I noticed the silent tears running down her cheeks onto my pillow. And she would not meet my eyes.

I should've known.

It took a few more seconds for me to move.

"No." I whispered.

"No, what?" why does she look so confused.

"This can't be happening…I love you Spence."

I was already crying like a 2 year old. She just sat there. I started screaming at her, hardly understandable through the sobs.

"Ashley I'm sorry but it's just not there anymore."

"How can it not be there?!?!" I choked out.

"It's gone." The room started spinning. This has to be some kind of horrible dream. I was so lightheaded all of a sudden but I had to be on my feet. Once I was standing I looked down at her small form. Standing didn't last long. I collapsed to my knees and threw myself at her waist, hugging her to me tightly.

"Spence, no. I love you. I'm sorry for everything. So sorry Spence. Please don't do this!!" Yes. I was begging. Fighting for my very life that this beautiful girl was threatening to throw away. I felt my chest constricting as I looked at her face and she closed her eyes, avoiding mine.

"Spencer what the hell?! Talk to me!!"

"I'm sorry. ………We can't ever happen again." She was trance-like. And I was..like a caged lioness who's cub was just snatched away. Thrashing and screaming with a ferocity that only true heartbreak can cause. Not knowing whether to run far away or stay and figure out why this horrible thing is happening.

I stayed.

I grabbed her jacket at the shoulders and brought her face an inch from mine.

"After 3 years how can you just fall out of love with me.?" I was seething now. And I hadn't even realized I'd said anything at all. Tears rolled down her face. She wouldn't look at me.

"SPENCER!!!??" Nothing.

I let her go and threw my rings in her general direction, tearing off my necklace and throwing that too. She scrambled to find them then quickly turned to catch me as my legs couldn't bear what my body was going through. Screaming and crying as I felt my whole world, everything I loved, being torn from my heart. She picked up my hand to hold it and I snatched it away. What felt like hours later, I felt a hand under my arm and she told me to get back on the bed. I stopped crying by then. I'd been sitting on the floor starring at her bookshelf for god knows how long. She literally had to pick me up because my body wasn't responding. I sat on the bed.

She picked up my left hand and replaced the rings. My necklace was back on somehow too. And as she touched me, the tears came back. Silently this time. Starring straight ahead. Not moving. Couldn't if I tried. I was broken. She pulled me into her arms and kissed my forehead. Restless sleep consumed me.

It's been 6 months since then, so all the details aren't quite there. That night started the worst chapter of my life. I joined the military soon after. The navy to be exact. To get as far from the situation as possible. Which of course backfired. Spencer started dating this girl Kylee a week after I left. She had promised to keep in touch and write me every week while I was gone. I got 2 letters in boot camp. Five weeks apart. The first stating that we'll never be together again and that she was now dating Kylee. I read that and of course it was like reliving that horrific night. Sleep never came that night.

Two days later I got another letter from her address. Inside was a folded piece of paper. I pulled it out not recognizing the handwriting. It definitely wasn't Spencer's. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Kylee.

Telling me how happy Spence is. My Spence. That she doesn't talk about me anymore. Kylee says she'll never love anyone more than she loves Spencer, and she understands why I'm so upset.

Upset?

My fucking heart was ripped from my body and thrown to the bottomless pits of hell.

Upset.