Disclaimer: I don't own CBS or NCIS. I own some of the characters here though :)
This is just a short humour fic about a bunch of agents who find out about Tony and Ziva. I hope it's actually funny and not too complicated :)
Enjoy!
7:00pm.
NCIS agent Zach Braff pushed another dollar note into the vending machine.
"Come on, take my money!" He cursed as the machine spat it out again with a whirr, and his eyes rested forlornly on the Mars bar on the other side of the glass. "Damn DiNozzo. If it wasn't for his busted-up dollar antics, I'd be in Mars heaven right now."
His two colleagues smirked behind him. "It wouldn't do you much harm to avoid that Mars bar once in a while."
"Speak for yourself, Rick."
Rick Trocker shook his head. "I do 100 push ups every morning, Braff. Got abs of steel." He slapped his stomach and grinned. "I'm the Brad Pitt of NCIS. Wanna try and match that?"
Zach turned around until the two were, not for the first time, head-to-head. However they were divided by a short, brown-haired woman who'd clearly seen it all before. "Listen, fellas. I'll have you know that neither of you deserves the title of Brad Pitt. Firstly, that's damn impossible to get, and second, the only guy who comes close to that title is Anthony DiNozzo, MCRT." She sighed dramatically and looked into the distance – which much to her annoyance was the wall 5 inches in front of her. "I'd be his Angelina any time."
Rick smiled down at her. "You can be mine, honey."
"I don't think she's that desperate. And besides, DiNozzo's got one", Zach said, shifting out of Rick's glare and onto a seat. "That hot Israeli girl. I don't know how true that is, though: I did after all get the information from that gremlin down in Autopsy."
Agent Jackson was known to jump at any chance for gossip, and stepped away from Rick. She sat down opposite Zach, and he had the uncomfortable feeling of her eyes boring into his skull. "OH my god." Her tone sort of reminded him of the sound you make when you've been forced underwater for too long and you come back up. "How can you doubt it, Zach? Have you seen the way they act around each other? I mean come on, I wouldn't be surprised if they're an old married couple in disguise. OH, and Stacey Parsons from cyber crimes told me they make out all the time in the break room!"
Pleased with her display of knowledge about personal lives, she sank back into her chair and awaited reactions.
Zach looked at her dubiously. "In the break room? I highly doubt that. Their boss would skin them alive."
"I don't know," Rick stepped in, "I mean, we're talking about a guy who reads GSM at his desk when he's not working. He's not exactly cautious." A look of realisation crossed his face. "Hold on. That break room? Man, I'm never touching that table ever again. Hey...d'you think we should go up there?"
"Where?"
"The break room. Burst in on the action. Perhaps the start of a Facebook war?"
He grinned and Zach rolled his eyes, draining the last of his diet coke.
"You wanna be the one to answer to Leroy Jethro Gibbs when he finds pictures of his agents doing it less than a kilometre away from him?"
"He's never gonna actually find out. It's not like the man reads Facebook. Come on. Jackson, you'll come with me, right?"
Jackson huffed, but she obligingly pushed back her chair and started down the corridor, followed closely by Rick.
Much as Zach didn't want to be boiled by Agent Gibbs, he didn't like being left out, and called after them, "Seriously, you're actually going to do this? You know you're gonna get in serious trouble..." No answer. His desire to be sociable overcame his fear of Agent Gibbs and he scurried after them, throwing his coke can in the recycling box on the way.
The corridors of NCIS were almost deserted at this time of the evening, and something suddenly occurred to Zach as he tailed his co-workers.
"Hold on. They will have gone home by now, It's almost 8:00."
Rick kept on walking. "Agent Larson told me they had some huge murder case today; they're both working overtime on the paperwork. I reckon they'll value a chance to get away from their boss and just be...with...each other."
Jackson sniggered, but they all shut up as they walked round the bullpen.
"Not here. Not by the vending machine. That can only mean one thing." Rick grinned again and the smile stayed on his lips until the trio got to within about three metres of the break room. Much to Rick and Jackson's dismay, the glass in the door had been removed and replaced with a taped-down piece of black card, but they made up for it by Rick shoving his ear up against the keyhole in the door.
"Gossip!" He whispered, listening in.
"Tony....Tony, stop."
A throaty chuckle came from the senior field agent. "Come on, sweetcheeks. A whole day stuck with the boss man working out details of a case that went nowhere. I deserve a treat!"
"What kind of treat are you considering, Tony?"
"I would've thought you knew by now." Rick was desperate to hear more, being positive that his Facebook status would explode if he leaked all this, but he was promptly kicked out of his position by Jackson. "Stop hogging the fun!"
She heard kissing noises through the keyhole, and the heavy breathing combined with the popping of shirt buttons made her think that it might be taken further than just making out. "Ah, second base." She winked at Zach and Rick.
"Ziva...Zivaaa...."
She laughed. "I don't think the break room was designed for this purpose."
"Well, there's no room here that is designed for this purpose except maybe the showers, and no one ever comes in here, so this is probably the best place."
Jackson shuddered. She was never going to touch that table ever again.
"Ziva...I wonder if anyone has ever done this in here before."
"I wouldn't put it past the director and Gibbs."
She heard them both laugh, until their laughs were converted into heavy breaths. In her years of gossiping, she'd heard the "screamer" rumours about Officer David, and she decided that she didn't particularly want to know any more.
"Right, I'm going. Every minute I spend here jeopardises my likelihood of living past Friday." She saw Zach walk back towards his office, but noticed that Rick was standing behind her, his phone pressed up against where her ear used to be. "What are you doing?"
"Getting proof" He wiggled his eyebrows at her, and she noticed the red "record" button on his phone was lit up.
*~*~*
Sound clip posted.
Rick grinned. This was going to become legend. He would be known by name for years – agents would recite that it was him who posted the most scandalous message ever on Facebook.
He strolled into the offices around the bullpen, free of any care or concern.
He hadn't counted on Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs' computer skills.
"Ahem. Agent Rick Trocker. A word, please?"
Oh crap.
"Yes...um...sir?" He moved to stand precariously in front of Gibbs' desk, and Gibbs threw a tatty-looking earphone at him. Rick noticed that the earphones were connected to the computer.
"Would you explain to me the meaning of this."
Rick heard very familiar moaning and murmuring through the earphones, and his face turned ghost white. He tried to manage a smile as he looked down at Gibbs' glower.
"I guess...your agents just can't keep their hands off each other, sir."
Did the season finale depress anyone else? I'm not too scared, but I don't know what to think. Last year I got my hopes up with TIVA fics about what happens after judgement day - so I've decided not to read any post-Aliyah fics until we get to season 7, because I don't want to get my hopes up. Sorry to everyone who writes them, this shouldn't be a damper on your...uh...writing spirits! :)
Please review, Lotts xx