In trauma, we're concerned with one overriding question. How did this happen? What was the mechanism of injury? How do we see past the mess and confusion of trauma to figure out what the damage actually is? Infinite possibilities put the patient on the table in front of you. Now you have to figure out, will they live? Will you be able to save them or are they a lost cause?
Meredith sat in her apartment. It was still rather empty and dusty. She had been living in Boston for more than 18 months now, but had little to no ambition to make the place homier. She needed to start to clean more once Ellis would start to walk, but that was still a few months away and she had never felt like this apartment would ever become a home to her. Concrete walls and a couch in the middle of the living room would be as homey as she could imagined it to be.
After she had left Seattle everything had changed. Derek had never bothered to find out where she had gone. She had messed up his trial and his reputation and they had lost Zola along the way. He even got her fired. Seattle- the place felt like it was on a different planet. She had left – vanished, she hadn't talked to Lexie ever since she had left, she hadn't talked to Cristina and nobody knew her secret. Nobody knew where she was, she had left after leaving a note. 'I'm fine, don't go looking for me'.
Shortly after she had left, she had found out that she was pregnant. The hostile uterus had put her in a situation from hell. Her husband had signed the divorce papers without ever knowing about their child – a child he had joint custody for according to the paper he had signed. Her name was Ellis and she looked like Derek. The piercing blue eyes and the smile reminded her of him every day.
She had tried to pick up the pieces, but it was harder than she had ever imagined it to be. She understood her mother now. Ellis had been a force of nature that had been crushed after the love of her life had left her. They had taken the plane to Boston and Ellis had never looked back. Ellis had found the she was pregnant the day before they had left, she had given up her child for adoption. Meredith hadn't. She was holding on to that baby and she was living with her sister now -her other sister- but still everything felt so incomplete.
She had completed her residency, she was a general surgeon -like her mother had been. She had passed her boards even though things had been hard. Boston felt like a safe harbour, but she was holding an offer that was more than tempting. John Hopkins had offered her a transplant fellowship and was guaranteeing that they'd fund her Islet Cell. In her heart she knew what to do.
She looked at Ellis and closed her eyes. Sometimes she caught herself wanting to hold his hand. For the longest time she had tried to be alright, but she had seen him and the all she had been able to think about was his fingers sink into the spaces, brushing against each line in his plane, but she was alone."Today has been okay" Meredith smiled. Two month go she had been sitting in a hotel room in San Francisco, but right now she was waiting for Ellis to wake up. Life was a lot slower now, Maggie was taking care of the groceries and being a fellow had its perks. She was working lighter hours. "You look just like your dad when he's sleeping. I accused him of being weird because he used to stay up and watch me sleep and now I'm doing the very same thing because you are just too cute when you sleep." She knew she would see him soon. It was inevitable. Dr. Springer had gotten the call and so had Derek.
'You reached the mailbox of Derek leave me message'. She sighed. They could be happy now -in another life. He would come in, tell her about his last surgery, kiss her and Ellis on the forehead and sit down next to her. In another life they would have gotten a lifetime together, but not in this one. She was in Boston and he was in Seattle. She was stuck in a dilemma that seemed to have ruined her mother's life. Richard had been the love of Ellis' life - her soul mate- her one true love. Scared by the betrayal she had raised her in the belief that love did not exist; that commitment wasn't worth the effort and Meredith had never experienced love before she had meet him. But that was gone -and she had a responsibility to Ellis to put the puzzle pieces of her life back together. She sat down next to her sleeping infant daughter and watched her breathe.
She hit the redial button.'You reached the mailbox of Derek Shepherd'. "Damn it! Where are you?" she mumbled. She held her breath for a second. What was she going to tell him anyway? 'Hey, thanks for serving me with divorce papers. But guess what, funny thing is, you knocked me up before I left?' That wasn't the kind of conversation she wanted to have over the phone, but there was this little bundle of joy that deserved a father. Meredith knew that. Mark's visit had reminded her of that.
"I'll see him next week. We are going to this big award ceremony. Your grandma won the award twice. Only the best surgeons in America do - your daddy is nominated. He's a very good surgeon."
So... I decided to update this and change the first few chapters a little bit