"Please come in," Ezra begged. "Please."
Should I? I just found out earth-shattering news about Ezra, and it came from his brother Wesley in the first place. I had to basically yank it out of Ezra. And he could have a baby out somewhere in the world! There could be a mini Ezra out there. And that was too much to handle.
But I loved Ezra so much. I knew that if I walked away tonight, I would officially be ending our relationship. I would be giving up on him. And when you love someone, it's worth fighting for.
"Okay," I breathed, brushing past him and walking swiftly into his apartment. I didn't want him to see the tears forming in my eyes.
I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands, the tears quickly rolling down my face. I couldn't help it. Knowing what his mom did... and that Maggie accepted? And that Ezra got someone pregnant... did Maggie get an abortion? Or did she raise the child? What if she decides to come looking for Ezra, the father of her baby? I'm sure he'd do what's right, and that would be to leave me for her. To be a proper father to the baby.
I heard the door shut quietly and Ezra put down his stuff. And then I felt the couch move next to me. I could feel Ezra's warmth so close to me, and it only made more tears fall. I miss him. I miss the way we used to be before Diane came to town and uncovered all his deception.
But I guess I'm glad I found out. Why didn't he tell me anything? I told him everything! I bared my soul to this man and he kept all of his past hidden from me!
"Aria, what are you thinking?" he asked, his voice a little huskier than usual. "Please, let me see you."
I lifted my head out of my hands and noticed how wet my hands were. My face was blasted with a cold breeze of air and I shivered. Here I was, laying myself bare to this man again, letting him see me at my worst and he doesn't ever tell me anything. I never see him at his worst.
The first thing he did was apoligize. "I'm sorry," he whispered. And then came the next thing he always said to me. "I love you."
The last thing I thought I'd ever say to Ezra came flying out of my mouth.
"That's not enough anymore."
And I didn't regret saying it because it was the truth.
He just stared at me. He reached a hand out to me and I flinched back from it, causing him to drop it.
"I used to think that was enough, Ezra, and now I realize it isn't. I need trust and respect and... answers. And you give me none of those things, even though that's all I give you."
"I trust you and respect you! And go ahead, ask me anything and I'll tell you. That's all you ever have to do."
"No, it's not! I either find out everything about you on my own or someone else tells me and I'm sick of it! Why can't you tell me?! How come you don't trust me enough to even-"
"I trust you! You are the only person I trust, Aria! No one else in the world has ever gained more of my repsect and trust than-"
"That's bull and we both know it."
"I'm telling the truth!" he practically yelled, his brow furrowed. His face had gotten very close to mine sometime during this arguement, and I backed away.
"Really? Well I don't know what the truth is anymore from you, Ezra. And even though you say you trust me... I don't think I trust you anymore. You've destroyed it too many times."
His face fell and for a moment I sincerely regretted what I just said to him. One tear slid down his cheek as he stared at me. His blue eyes were the most intense I had ever seen them.
"Y-you still love me though, r-right?"
He stuttered through the question and his voice broke on the end. Just his expression made me cry some more. This was the most painful conversation I had ever had with Ezra by far.
I looked down at the floor, thinking of what to say next. When I didn't answer, I heard a choking noise and I looked over to see Ezra mimicking the pose I had when I first came and sat on his couch, head in his hands. "You don't love me anymore."
"Of course I love you and that's why this is so hard!" I screamed, getting up and pacing in front of him. "That's why I can't take you breaking my heart over and over again!"
"I never mean to... I just want you to be happy. Please. I knew that if you found out about Maggie you'd be mad... and you would leave me. I knew this would happen. That's why I wasn't ever going to tell you. I couldn't risk losing you, after everything we've been through- after everything we've both sacrificed! But I've already lost you."
"No, Ezra, you haven't. I still love you. I just... wish you would've told me. I wish you would tell me things. You've kept so many things from me! Your last name, your rich family, Jackie, your mom, your brother, the money you got from selling your Grandpa's car, and now Maggie! I mean, God-"
"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly. I barely even heard it. "I thought things would be better if you didn't know."
Things would be better if you didn't know. Maybe they would have been. Maybe Ezra and I would be completely and blissfully happy again if Diane had never showed up. But maybe it was just a matter of time until I found out about his past, like Jackie. Maybe it didn't make a difference if his mom came here or not, maybe I would've figured it all out sooner anyway.
After a few moments of dead silence, I finally made my decision for the night.
"I'm not leaving you but... I need some time. Goodbye, Ezra," I said, turning on my heel and walking as fast as I could towards the door. I at least wanted to get out of there before I broke down.
"Aria," he said, catching my arm. He spun me around, just like at Ali's funeral back when we were just beggining. He leaned down and kissed my cheek.
"I love you so much. I'll give you as much time as you need, just please... please come back to me."
All I could do was nod my head and walk out of the apartment that held so many memories of me and him. I hoped this wouldn't be the last time I saw it.