CHAPTER ONE
Hanging on

It has been exactly two days since Chris' death, and I'm struggling to stay strong. We all are. Loosing someone close to you suddenly like that is horrific and all you can do is blame yourself, even though you could have done nothing to stop it from happening. His last words are repeating in my head like a broken record, and all I can do is cry. I can not even imagine the pain that Jal is going through right now, but we are all trying our hardest to look after eachother. I just wish Chris was still here...

We all sat in the last room that we last saw Chris alive in - his bedroom. Although this room filled up with bad memories of the day he passed, we stuck to the more positive side of things. We also shared good memories in this room, like the laughs and the parties. This room is where we would have those endless, pointless but rememberable conversations where you would talk about fuck all for hours. This room was part of Chris.
"I miss Chris." Michelle sobbed, breaking the silence. Tony walked over to her, putting his arms around her waist, giving her a comforting hug as everyone continued to sit in silence.
"We all do," he replied, holding back his tears, "It'll be ok."
"Be ok?" Jal inturrupted, whilst tears were violently streaming down face, "Nothing is ever going to be fucking ok, ever again!"
Pushing and shoving past everyone, Jal ran out of the crowded room shortly followed by Tony chasing after her. The door slammed behind them, echoing and returning the silence and the awkwardness in the room, however, it seemed as if I was the only one who felt it. Everyone looked so unhappy yet calm about everything. My mind was filling itself with different thoughts and I couldn't control them.
Anwar, Sid and Cassie sat in the large blue sofa which was place roughly oppisite Chris' bed, I could tell by their facial expressions that they missed him as much as I did. Cassie, infact, hadn't spoken since we all arrived at the house. Her and Chris were pretty close, and she was always there for him. She helped him through some of the toughest times, when help was needed and she didn't let anything get him down. Before Chris' death, Cassie has just started eating again, she was recovering well and started to get heathly again. When Chris died, everything went wrong again. She stopped eating.

"MAXXIE!" My name echoed from outside the bedroom door. For a second, I thought I was hearing things. Until I heard it a second time. I got up out of my seat and walked out of the room to investigate, "MAXXIE!" I looked into the living room to find Tony and Jal sat round some old books. Tony held a small piece of screwed up paper in his left hand as it nervously shook, "I think this is for you.."
Feeling confused, I delicatley removed the rough paper from his shaking hands. Carfully unfolding it, I started to see a handwritten message and it read, 'Dear Maxxie, I just wanted to say that-' this was all I could read because it looked as if the paper had been ripped up. I looked at Tony and Jal as I could tell we were thinking the same. This handwriting looked very familiar, however I couldn't tell who's it was.
"It's Chris' handwriting" Jal commented handing a few more pieces of paper to me which all read the exact same thing, "It looks as if Chris wanted to write something to you but obviously stuggled to find the right words."
My heart stopped. Something about this didn't make me feel right, the sudden thoughts that ran through my mind weren't helping. I'd been through enough shit that day, and reading that made me feel ten times worse, even if it was only eight words on a piece of scrap paper. Holding everything in wasn't hepling either, I just wanted to go home and let everything out. I handed Tony back the papers and made my way over the the front door.
"Where are you going?" Jal asked, shocked.
"Home. I'll see you guys later, tell the others that I said bye." I opened the door and left, as I heard a distant 'Good-bye' coming from the house. Being outside made me feel a bit better, I felt alone but in a good way because I had time to think ot myself. Long walks helped me clear my mind. It's nice living here in Bristol, there's so many nice places to walk to and it relaxes me.
As my mind started to clear, one thought in-particular stayed.. Why did Chris write that note, and why to me? What was he going to say? Questions left unanswered.