Summary: "Edward couldn't even look at me anymore and all I wanted was to shout for the entire world to hear just how much I needed a hug." A one shot from Alphonse's POV on his feelings about what has happened to him in his life. Second in my NNL series. Standalone; can be read without reading the first.
Disclaimer: I dutifully say that I don't own anything, doesn't mean I understand what the point is in writing a disclaimer. It is Fanficion!
REQUESTED by HYBRIDPLAYTHING. Hers was the first review to my first story, so I went and did some readings in FMA to write this oneshot as I haven't seen the anime. But that was just a onetime thing. Hope you enjoy it HybridPlaything!
Never Never Land: Alphonse
We used to have such a simple, good life. Edward, mom and me. We became sad and happy together, we laughed and cried together. Sometimes we fought, but then we would make up and everything would be alright. We certainly were living no fairy tale, no sunshine and roses or guaranteed happily ever afters. Yes, we had our problems, but… well… Now that I look back, they weren't really all that serious. And you know the best part? Through it all, I was a child. I wined and nagged and with the smallest problems, thought the world was over. I didn't understand what I had, and to be honest neither did Edward. Like the carefree little kids we were, we took everything for granted. That was the biggest mistake of our lives. EVER.
Then mom died and nothing was ever the same again. No more could I go to her arms every time I was sad or scared, let her hold me tight and I would forget about all my problems and be a little child again. Big brother tried to make it all better, but there was only so much he could do. After all no matter how much he tried to pretend otherwise, like me he was just a kid who had been thrown out of his Neverland so sudden and fast, he couldn't even find the sky, let alone "the second star to the right".
For my sake, Edward tried to keep as much of the Neverland as he could with him. Every time I woke up from a nightmare, upset and scared, I would find him holding me, and he would smell a little bit of Mom. That heavenly fragrance of Never Never Land. But it wasn't enough and Edward knew that too. We couldn't find the Neverland, so we decided to bring it to us, and that was the second biggest mistake of our lives.
We were young and stupid and so very very desperate. Obviously we paid for it. Well, mostly it was I who had to pay the price, and it was anything but cheap. Edward never forgave himself ever again. The whole disaster was like the last nail in the coffin and it broke big brother so deeply and thoroughly there weren't even fractures left to glue back together. He was shattered beyond recognition. Previously, he couldn't find the sky. Now he didn't even remember our Neverland.
I wish I could cry, not for myself, but for this empty shell that used to be my brother. For the dark scary abyss that once housed the brightest most beautiful of souls. And for the dead, cold gaze that I once basked in its warmth.
Big Brother did everything in his power, no matter the price or consequences to not lose me like we did Mom, and yet he couldn't look at me anymore. He only saw his failures, while all I wanted was for him to hold me tight and keep me close. Then I would shut my eyes and hide my face in his chest, and when I opened my eyes again, I would find myself back at home, with an alive Mom and a whole, happy Edward. Right in the heart of my Never Never Land.
Then I look at myself and instead of the young boy I was expecting, I find a thing. A machine taller than my brother. It simply isn't possible for big brother to hug me anymore. But I want it; I need it so hard with every single atom of my metallic body. I want to shout it for the entire world to hear that I'm terrified and hurting and just too young to have to endure what I did. I want the world to know what I would do for a simple, proper hug.
However, all I do is bite down on my nonexistent tongue and lock away all the fear and hurt. Because I know I'm Edward's one and only life-line. Were I to snap, every single shattered piece of his broken heart would soon be scattered in the wind.
I'm worried about the day he might lose me. It won't be pretty, and all I can do is pray that we at least can find the Never Never Land in death, even though we lost it in life.
AN: Any requests for a one shot from someone else's POV? Except Gundam wings or Fullmetal Alchemist. However I can only write it if I actually know that character and its origin.