"Our last year awaits us," Tony Stark says, swinging his duffel bag over his shoulder like a soldier heading off to war, it seemed appropriate. "Once more unto the assembly hall, dear friends, once more."
Clint's head pops up from over the roof of his crappy, blue Ford Fiesta, giving Tony a mildly concerned look. "You come out with the weirdest shit, man." he mutters before stooping to help Natasha with her abundance of bags.
"It's a talent." Tony replies with a sigh. Really, his impeccable humour is simply wasted on these people.
He steps onto the gravel pathway which weaves throughout the entire campus, trying to think more about the crunch beneath his feet than the first time he stepped onto it- four years ago, standing five foot six in a pair of Italian brogues with the soles ripped off, contemplating why the trees seemed to be killing the clouds. Of course, he had been high as a kite at the time.
A lot has changed since then, namely becoming acquainted with the bunch of morons he now calls friends.
Speaking of, Tony casts a quick glance behind him and catches Clint checking his appearance in the car window for what must be the fourth time since they'd arrived and Natasha bitching about why the heck she's dating someone who has more good hair days than she does.
It's when Tony's walking towards the assembly hall, as soon as Clint and Natasha fall in step with him and he can picture them in his mind's eye; walking in slow motion with AC/DC blaring in the background, that's the moment Tony will pinpoint as the start of one fucking roller coaster of a year.
"Let's rock and roll." he says.
Now seems as good a time as any to explain how things work around here.
Firstly, there's Tony Stark, and he runs this show. If you don't know who Tony Stark is, you should probably leave right now. No, seriously, get out. Tony's only here because his dad paid an extortionate amount of money for him to be, and if asked, he'll tell you that he'd happily rather be anywhere else in the world (except that's a load of BS because Tony loves them all like they're family and at Christmas he becomes more sentimental than his grandma with a glass of sherry and the baby photos). Tony is waltzing through his university life with the air of a guy who knows he's going to be successful no matter how bad he fucks things up. It should also be known that Tony Stark has a fan club dedicated to him, they meet every Wednesday night to stalk him from afar which should bother him, only he spends most of his time encouraging the behaviour and occasionally sleeping with one of the members because- well, he's Tony Stark. He may seem like your typical playboy who thinks with his dick but the ones close to him know that his heart beats only for one Pepper Potts. He's been pining since the first time he saw her on the second week of freshman year and the fact that she thinks he's a self obsessed prick who absolutely cannot have her, only makes him want her more. Because secretly Tony Stark is a twelve year old.
Tony shares a room with Steven Rogers, and the only thing you really need to know about Steve is that he's actually a compilation of all that is good in the world, squeezed into human form. He's also kind of the founder of their rag tag little group, though more than eighty percent of the time in public he acts like he's never met them before in his life (no really ma'am I swear). He's the one who hands in his papers on time, makes sure they're all eating regularly and keeps the dorm as sanitary as possible, which, if your dorm is constantly used as a common room, is NO EASY FEAT. To put things into perspective; Steve's like the group's unconditionally loving mom, except if you try to mess with one of his kids, he won't necessarily kick your ass, but my god will he verbally assault your morals until you're forced to look at your life, look at your choices.
Next up is the group's resident sports jock; Thor. He lives just across the hall, a fact that is made painfully aware whenever his girlfriend, Jane Foster, decides to visit. But by now, whenever it's sex'o'clock on Thor's watch, everyone else digs out the ear plugs without fail- they had to learn the hard way that Thor is a very vocal love maker. As well as his enthusiasm, Thor speaks and acts like he's from another planet and you know what? He might be. Nobody's bothered to ask him yet because they're all kind of scared of the answer. Anyway, muscles and Barbie hair aside, Thor's really just a big teddy bear once you get to know him, he has a love affair with pop tarts, a borderline obsessive brother complex, and he doesn't really believe in being fully clothed.
Someone who is all too familiar with Thor's aversion to clothing is the physics nerd who bunks with him. Bruce Banner is his name, and he is one of the four loves of Tony's life (Pepper Potts, Robotics and Loki being the other two). See, of all the people Tony Stark could have subconciously chosen to become his best friend/ brother from another mother; Bruce was probably the most unlikely. He's a shy kinda guy who speaks with lilting tones, has a gentle disposition and generally keeps himself to himself (apart from when he's off science-ing it up with Tony in the labs). Bruce is usually in the background of most conversations, inserting sarcastic remarks every now and then- because, let's face it, every friend group needs to have a 'quiet-but-observant' one. However, don't let the fluffy hair, crooked smiles, or ironic chemistry T-shirts fool you, see on occasion Bruce abandons his chillaxed attitude and just flips the fuck out and when Bruce gets mad, he gets mental.
Moving on; it is generally assumed that Clint shares with Thor and Bruce because all his possessions are in that room, but in all of the three years of 'living together' they have never once seen Clint actually sleep in his bed. They've never once seen Clint sleep at all. You'd think the guy would be lacking in the energy department, but no, on his best days he has enough spirit to rival Tony and then they both team up to become the world's most irritatingly hyper double act. Aside from that, Clint is another sporting hero, more specifically; he's boss at archery and is training up to become pro. Clint has always had great aim, infact it's popular university folklore that he once catapulted a marble at Fury's face and that's how the Dean ended up with an eye patch. Clint will neither confirm nor deny these claims.
Then there's Natasha. She shares a room on the floor below with Jane and Darcy and where do you even begin with her? Let's just say, when you're talking about her relationship it's always 'Natasha and Clint' not 'Clint and Natasha' ('Clintasha' if you're Tony, but he's just a dork like that). If you went around campus and asked random people to use three words to describe Natasha Romanov, you'd probably find a trend between 'Hot'/ 'Sexy'/ 'Fit' and 'Really. Fucking. Scary'.That probably has something to do with the fact that 'Tasha has this lethal smile which can melt many a brave man's (and woman's) heart. She's studying something crazy hard to do with law and criminology, she can speak close to eight foreign languages, paint her toe nails whilst doing the splits and can hold a discussion about forensic science with Bruce for more than two hours without wanting to kill herself. Steve thinks she's going to be recruited by the FBI; Tony thinks she was recruited by the FBI at birth. That's all well and good but to be honest, Natasha's most impressive quality is that she has Loki wrapped around her little finger.
Loki? Y'know, Thor's emotionally stunted crazy little brother, Loki? No? Well, it's a universally acknowledged statement that he doesn't even go here. Rumour has it, he's meant to be roughly 3000 miles away at some sort of juvenile detention center for potential psychopaths. And yet, if you walk into Steve and Tony's dorm, you'll most likely find him spread out on the couch with a fatass book looking for all the world like he owns the place. No one really knows much about Loki, except that he took the news that he was adopted really badly, and if you ask Thor about it, he'll clam up and change the subject faster than you can say 'daddy issues'. To be frank, Loki is just like the group's severely annoying housecat. A severely annoying housecat who is partial to prank wars, star wars and oddly enough- jersey shore marathons. If you feed him and give him affection every now and then, he can generally be left to his own devices, and it's pretty easy to forget he exists if you try hard enough (note: they do try hard enough).
Sure, they're an odd bunch, but Tony thinks he wouldn't have them any other way.
Clint and Natasha leave Tony to dump their bags in their dorms, giving him the important task of saving seats for Fury's obligatory work-hard-and-don't-break-things speech. Tony makes a beeline for the back seats of the assembly hall, because, come on, with a name like 'Tony Stark' he was practically born for the back seats.
A group of kids, clearly freshmen judging by their eager smiles and inquisitive eyes, confidently swagger up to him, making like they want to sit down and that wasn't gonna happen because he doesn't want to hear Natasha's 'You had one job, Tony.' just yet.
"Sorry, punks, this row is reserved." Tony states, folding his arms over his chest in, what he hopes to be, an intimidating manner.
"I don't see a sign anywhere." one of the munchkins grumbles, copying the gesture.
"Yeah, I'm surprised you can see anything from down there, buddy," Tony says, "Try someplace else" He waves his hand dismissively and they stalk off, most likely muttering curses underneath their breath. Tony-1, Puny Mortals-0.
"You know better than to bully the first years, Stark." Tony swivels around to see Steve watching him with an expression of exasperated fondness. That always seemed to be Steve's default expression when dealing with Tony.
"It's good for their development!" he replies and grins when Steve just rolls his eyes and takes the seat next to him.
It had taken a while for Tony to warm up to Steve. In the beginning he had gone out of his way to make Steve's life a living nightmare- uncategorising his books, putting spoons in with the forks, etc (well that was Steve's idea of a living nightmare, anyway). But Tony soon realised it's a physical impossibility for anyone to not love Steve Rogers, the guy was like a white, male Oprah.
Steve shakes his hand, pulling Tony out his reverie, and they clap each other on the back like manly men so that Tony feels oh so very grown up and mature.
Of course, that all turns to shit when Bruce walks through the double doors two minutes later and Tony squeals "Brucie!" in a surprisingly shrill voice and runs into his open arms.
"When you two are done being raging homos, some of us would like to actually get past" Clint calls from behind Bruce.
"Jealousy is a pointless emotion, Barton," Tony says, dragging him and Natasha into the middle of the embrace "Join the free love."
"I missed you, clowns" he hears Natasha say, and that's probably as close to sentimental as she'll ever get, he savours the moment.
"Could it be that we are having a group hug?" a voice that could only be Thor booms and seconds later, Bruce, Tony, Clint and Natasha find themselves smushed against two large pectorals, their feet coming dangerously close to lifting off the ground. Thankfully, they're saved by the tapping on a microphone and Fury clearing his throat, Thor quickly lets them go and they stumble towards their seats, Clint moaning about broken ribs.
Fury taps on the microphone a few more times before just saying "Shut the hell up." and silence promptly follows.
"Well that's one way to do it." Bruce says.
Twenty minutes later and Tony is ranting about Fury's incompetence whilst riding Thor. No- not like that. A piggy back ride, because Tony bet a fiver that nobody would be able to carry him all the way to his room and Thor was the only one stupid enough to fall for it.
"Now he's just taking lines straight from Dumbledore," Tony says, gesticulating wildly. "I mean have some class, man."
"Tony, I fear you have gained some extra pounds over the holidays," Thor puffs. "This is a most arduous task."
Clint laughs and smacks Tony's ass while Bruce covers his eyes as Thor swings dangerously from side to side.
"That was a low blow," Tony says and takes his T-shirt off, looking down at his body. "I've still go it, baby."
Of course this is the moment that Peggy Carter, their RA and Steve's epic crush, decides to walk by. She's wearing that pinched look she gets whenever confronted with Tony's face.
"Stark, get off Odinson and put your shirt back on before I get you done for public indecency." she intones in her usual brisk voice. Tony hops down with a sign and slings his top back on, giving her a mock salute. Peggy is already turning her attention to Steve, though. "Hello."
Steve says something that sounds like 'nynmmnf' before recovering and smiling politely. "Hi, can- can I help you with those-" he says, gesturing to her bags.
"Ever the gentleman," she remarks, ignoring the gagging noises coming from Tony. Steve shoots him a killing-you-with-my-eyes look before taking Peggy's largest suitcase and asking her to lead the way.
"And then there were-" Clint does a quick body count, "five? I'm pretty sure there should be six."
"Yeah, where is Loki?" Natasha asks Thor and gets a shrug of the shoulders in return. Tony thinks that accurately sums up their relationship pretty well.
After that, Bruce, Clint and Thor file into their dorm to unpack. Natasha saunters off downstairs in search of Jane and Darcy. Tony's left in the corridor trying to find the keys Steve had given him. He's finally got them in hand when his dorm opens and Loki's face emerges.
"How did you even- I have the keys." Tony says, Loki just raises a thin eyebrow and looks him up and down.
"My my, not even a whole day back and you're already parading around half-naked."
Tony grins. "You say that like you don't like it."
Loki rolls his eyes and opens the door only a fraction wider so Tony has to brush past him when he skirts in. "Never that." he quips.
Tony, Loki and Steve's room is unlike any other in the residence halls. Thanks to Tony and his ridiculously extensive trust fund, they have their own plasma TV as well as a fridge, one with the little ice dispenser, as opposed to the shitty little mini fridges in everybody else's room. Due to these modifications, their dorm is used more for the group than the actual student commons. By far the most important asset to the room is The Couch of Many Orgasms. A monstrously large thing that was now more stuffing than leather. Aptly named so due to the fact that almost everyone had gotten off on it. Yep, even Steve.
Another thing to note is that it's easy to see the room has been split into two halves. Tony had found a washing line in the utility cupboard of freshmen year (back when he hated Steve's guts) and hung it from one side of the room to the other, exactly down the middle.
Steve's side of the room is immaculate; he has the american flag nailed up over his always-made bed and a collection of his better art works displayed over his tidy desk. In contrast, Tony and Loki's side of the room ('Toki's Palace' as Tony refers to it because he really is King of the Dorks) always looks like a fucking tornado rampaged through it. They have a bunk bed (actually by choice) some of the girls he brings back think it's cute, but some say "You've got to be kidding me." and he instantly knows they're not good enough for him. Respect the bunk bed, okay? Loki sleeps on the top, Tony takes the bottom, though more often than not, Loki slithers into Tony's bed in the middle of the night but that's a story for another time. There's dirty laundry everywhere you look, random spare parts of metal and posters of obscure norwegian rock bands that nobody has heard of. The only neat part of their side is the shelf above the bunk bed which holds Loki's Star Wars related collection. Or 'useless crap' as Tony has a penchant for calling it, but really what does he know? The spare parts of metal belong to him.
Tony dumps his bags on the floor, knowing full well that if he leaves them there long enough, Steve will throw a hissy fit and then promptly unpack them himself. He flops down onto his bed, beckoning Loki to join him, smiling at the long suffering groan of his matress springs.
It's common knowledge that Tony adores Loki. Like, full on hero worships him. It might be because the guy's a genius, or that he's batshit crazy or it might be that he just has really damn nice cheekbones, either way, Tony has always been a fan. Therefore, nobody is more jealous of Natasha's control over the younger Odinson than Tony. Nobody. "So, on a scale from one to ten, how much did you miss me? One being 'not at all', ten being 'so much I cried myself to sleep every night clutching a picture of you'" Tony asks.
"Minus five, you insufferable being." Loki deadpans, stretching out next to him all gangly limbs. Tony laughs and then kicks him in the shin.
"Say what you want, I know you love me." words half mumbled into his pillow. He turns his head again before he gets a chance to see the curious smirk on Loki's lips.
Later that night, when Steve has returned looking red faced and considerably more happier than had been a couple of hours ago, they order pizza and it really says something about their inability to cook that the pizza place answers with "Oh hey, Steve! Back at College?"
That's how they spend their first night, anyway. On the floor, huddled around the TV, in the dark because there had been an argument about who should get up and turn on the lights with everyone making excuses about how comfortable they were.
They take turns discussing eachother's summer, Natasha leaning against the wall picking pineapple chunks off her pizza to feed to Clint who is spread out in her lap. Thor sits on a ratty beanbag that will most probably have a large ass cheek impression when he decides to get up- if he'll be able to get up. Tony is sprawled out next to Bruce, listening to him complain bitterly about the cat, Mr Twinkles, he'd been paid to feed while his owner was on holiday. Mr Twinkles had apparently turned out to be the spawn of satan and proceeded to scratch the everloving shit out of him. Bruce rolls up his sleeves and shows off his battle wounds. Loki looks like he wants to lick them. Loki's weird.
"Nobody wants the last one, right?" Clint asks, motioning to the lone pepperoni slice. There's a beat of silence before everyone makse a mad scramble for it, Steve muttering something that sounds like "So now you all get up."
A/N: Very much a WIP, but we'll see how it goes. You can read this over on AO3 if you prefer :)