Author's note: Okay, I know full well that this twisted scenario would never happen... ever... but I thought it might be a fun (yes, a fun) concept to write about. Lol. I hope you enjoy it.
P.S. The title of this weird little one-shot is a line from the Simple Plan song 'Jump'.
P.P.S. My God. This one-shot is ridiculously short. Lol. That might have something to do with me using an unfamiliar writing style. Oh well. I hope it's decent enough anyway!
Ranma looked at the grand view that was directly in front of him. Nowhere else in Tokyo was there a view this beautiful. However, the reason that he'd come here was not merely to admire the scenery.
No one would believe it, he knew, but he'd had enough. He'd put up with his shit-crazy life for long enough. He'd grinned and beared it, but it had become too much. With one fiancée always beating him senseless, two constantly fighting over him and one always trying to kidnap and/or paralyse him, not to mention having no real friends, the world around him being split into people who either wanted to kill him, marry his boy side or sleep with his girl side and the constant kidnappings and forced engagements, life had proven to be too much. That was why he was now standing on the very peak of Tokyo Tower, overlooking the area that he'd chosen to be his final resting place.
"Heh..." he muttered darkly, "can't ruin my life anymore, can you, guys?"
With a final deep breath and his head held high, he jumped, somersaulted and began to fall face-first towards the concrete.
A large crowd of people from Nerima charged up the metal chairs onto the balcony of Tokyo Tower, each in a desperate attempt to find Ranma, when the boy in question plummeted towards the ground in front of them.
"Ranma!" Akane yelled in panic.
"Airen!" Shampoo yelled, also in panic.
"No! Ranchan!" Ukyo yelled, pulling out her spatulas on strings and throwing them.
"Ranma-darling!" Kodachi yelled, whipping her rhythmic gymnastics ribbon.
"Oh no, you don't!" Mousse yelled angrily, shooting his weapons on chains from his long sleeves.
All three sets of weapons flew at Ranma's feet in a frantic bid to latch onto him and pull him to safety. Everyone was sure that at least one of them would succeed, but Ranma quickly flipped around and kicked the weapons out of the way. He then cast the group a final two-fingered salute before facing the ground head-first and continuing to fall. The group watched in shock, horror and complete awe as the martial artist fell further and further until a great 'splat' rang out across Tokyo.
For the first few moments, silence was thick in the air. No one spoke a word, all unable to believe what had just happened. Then, suddenly, as though there was an explosion of sound, everyone started talking at once.
"Ranmaaaa!" Akane screamed, throwing herself at the railing with tears streaking down her face.
"Akane!" Soun yelled, grabbing his daughter around the waist to stop her from doing anything drastic.
"Ranchan..." Ukyo muttered blankly, tears slowly dripping from her eyes.
"Airen!" Shampoo cried, bawling into her hands.
"Ranma-darling!" Kodachi wailed, holding the wall for support.
"Oh, Son-in-law..." Cologne said sadly.
"Ranma..." Ryoga muttered in shock. "He's... dead... No... no, he can't be dead... he can't..." Tears leaked down his face as anger slowly washed over him. "D-Damn you, Ranma... you weren't supposed to die! I may have tried to kill you several times, but... I didn't really want you to die!"
"Damn you, Saotome!" Mousse yelled, utterly furious. "Damn you! How dare you jump off Tokyo Tower! I wanted to be the one to kill you! Why did you have to go and kill yourself?"
"Ah, you will be sorely missed, my boy..." Happosai said, folding his arms, "but I must say, suicide? How pathetic. I wouldn'ta thought you'd have it in you."
Genma sobbed against his arm. "Oh, my son!" he cried. "My only son! What kind of man are you to kill yourself?" He paused. "Oh, now I'm going to have to commit seppuku! What a selfish, unmanly son I have!"
"Oh, my..." Kasumi said sadly, "it's such a shame..."
"Yeah," Nabiki agreed, "I was starting to see the guy as my little brother."
Tatewaki chuckled. "It seems that the cretin hath fallen prey to his own weaknesses," he said smugly. Then his face split into a manic grin. "Finally! Akane Tendo and the pigtailed girl have been freed from his enslavement and can now be my concubines!" He cackled again.
Nabiki frowned at him, then cleared her throat. "Kuno-baby." He looked at her. "Remember when the pigtailed girl said that she and Ranma were 'of one mind and one body'?"
Tatewaki turned somewhat sombre. "Ah yes. I can never forget such a day."
Nabiki frowned deeper. "Well, she was talking literally. Therefore, since Ranma's dead... so is the pigtailed girl."
Tatewaki's face rapidly paled. "What? This... this cannot be..."
Kasumi frowned, which was a very rare occurrence. "Yes," she said, "the pigtailed girl passed away the very moment that Ranma did."
Tatewaki was silent for a moment, then threw his hands in the air and ran in circles, sobbing. "Noooo! This cannot be! My pigtailed girl! My pigtailed girl!"
"Ranma..." Akane muttered, her head lowered.
"Oh, how could he do this to us?" Soun sobbed, still clinging to his youngest daughter. "With Genma's only son gone, how can we unite the schools now?"
"Raaaanmaaaa!" Akane threw her father off her, stomped over to the wall and punched her left fist through it. "You jerk! You... you... asshole! You fucking asshole!"
Soun gaped open-mouthed at her from his place on the floor. "Akane!"
"How dare you fucking kill yourself! You coward! You low-life! You... asshole!" She punched the wall with her right fist. "Asshole, asshole, asshole!" Continuously, she punched with each fist until the wall collapsed. The sound caused a few security guards to come running up the stairs, but, before they could restrain her, she started punching and kicking them out of her way. "Asshole! Asshole! Fucking..." She sobbed. "Asshole!" She stormed off down the stairs and into the observation deck.
Ukyo gripped the railing, tears still dripping from her eyes. "Damn it, Ranchan..." she said, "how... how could you do this to me? How... how am I supposed to restore my honour if you're dead, you jackass?"
Shampoo knelt in the corner of the balcony, still sobbing into her hands. "Airen..." she said, "why... why Ranma do this? Shampoo... thought Ranma strong... How can Shampoo go home... to Amazon village... if Shampoo's airen...?" She sobbed louder.
Kodachi pounded her fists against the wall, still wailing. "Oh, why must it be that the man I chose as my beloved has chosen to end his life?" she cried. "Ranma-darling... I, Kodachi Kuno, wished to have you as my own... but you have so very cruelly ripped away any chance I may have had with you!"
Ryoga's depression levels were rising with every tear that fell. "Ranma..." he said, "why... why did you have to go and die? On me... on Akane..." He glanced over at the stairs, at the bottom of which he could hear crashing and screaming. "How could you?" He turned away and lowered his head. "Ranma... I'll never forgive you... never..." Suddenly, fury burned within him and he gripped the railing so tightly that it shattered. "Raaaanmaaaa! If you weren't already dead... I'd kill you!"
Cologne watched the carnage that was unfolding before her eyes with a passive expression. There were so many mixed emotions in the group, and so much going on, that any normal person would have no idea where to start. The old Amazon's age brought wisdom, however, so, hopping off her staff and holding it in her hand, she brought it to the floor of the balcony with great force.
The whole group jumped in shock, including Akane, who had just thrown some poor soul into the inside wall downstairs.
"Alright, everyone!" she said loudly and clearly. "It's time for us to settle down and leave. None of us are happy with today's outcome, but there is little that can be done about it. Shampoo?"
"Yes, Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo replied meekly.
"Let's go pack our things. We're heading back to China."
Shampoo stared at the floor as she got to her feet. "Yes, Great-Grandmother."
"As for the rest of you, do as you will. Come, Shampoo." Climbing back onto her cane, she hopped back down the stairs. After a moment, Shampoo followed her.
"Hey, wait for me!" Mousse called out as he ran after them.
An eerie silence hung among the rest of the group for a few moments.
"Brother-dear?" Kodachi asked quietly. "Perhaps we should leave now."
Tatewaki nodded. "Yes, quite," he replied. He then walked down the stairs, his younger sister soon following him.
Ukyo sighed. "So, what am I supposed to do now?" she asked. "I've lost my childhood friend... the guy I chased after for ten years... Does my life hold a purpose anymore?"
Kasumi tried to smile for the okonomiyaki chef, but even she was finding it difficult. "You have to create a purpose, Ukyo," she replied. "Once your heart has healed, find a new goal to aim for."
"Yeah..." Quietly, Ukyo trudged down the stairs.
Ryoga walked down after her. "I guess I'd better leave too..." he mumbled, "and get back on the road again..." He was soon out of sight.
Soun sighed. "Well, we'd better just go home, I guess..." he said, "though the engagement's clearly off..." He paused for a moment, then burst into tears again.
"Oh, Father..." Kasumi said gently as she led him down the stairs.
"Ranma was a pain sometimes," Happosai said as he followed them down, "but he was a good kid. A good kid."
Nabiki took one last look at the edge of the balcony, her eyes softening for the first time in many years. "Oh, Ranma..." she said quietly, "you really are a dummy." Facing the stairs again, she headed down to the observation deck. Along the way, she noticed Akane, who had been standing at the bottom of the stairs and listening to everything that had been said. "Come on, Akane, time to go."
"Okay..." Akane mumbled in reply, gently kicking the remains of a broken snack cart to one side and trudging after her family.
The world never knew where Ranma Saotome's infamous self-confidence had gone that day, but his death had affected a ridiculous number of people both in and out of Nerima, in as many ways as there are Jusenkyo curses. The gender-changing martial artist would be sorely missed... by some, anyway.
The End