Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or it's characters. I can't think up of anything witty because it's 4 o' freaking clock in the morning and i haven't slept yet.

------------------------------------------

Chapster 1

Hawkeye was sitting by a desk, staring at the strategy she and her team had devised for the war.
It was another rebellion, and this time, it was the big city of Saramin.

She had been given troops, a month and a half ago, to fight the war. She sighed as she recalled the day she was given this task.

"1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye" The Brigadier General said. "You will be assigned in this area (points to a map)"

Hawkeye was speechless. Can she refuse? no, she can't refuse this.

"The uprising war is a serious threat, especially since it's from a city as big and progressive as Saramin. 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc along with 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye will be scheduled to depart 17 hours from now"

That was the order.

Hawkeye had sighed. 'What can i do?' she asked herself hopelessly. She knew she definitely could not fight in that condition.

Should she tell anyone?

Hawkeye frowned at this thought. 'Maybe' she thought to herself, 'it's better if i keep it quiet for now, but that will surely come with consequences'

Should she tell him?

No! Not yet, at least. Hawkeye gave herself a mental slap for eventhinking of such a question.

She looked at Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang who didn't return her gaze. She sighed.

She had to go. She had no other choice.

'Whatever problems come along' she thought to herself. 'I'll just have to deal with it'

Occasional vomiting was only one of Hawkeye's minor problems. By occasional, i mean her colleagues/subordinates rarely saw her vomit since she could hide well, even during a war. This she disguised as the effects of food poisoning or allergies, which her subordinates or colleagues easily bought.

Before, she would hold a gun with confidence, without any doubt whatsoever that the strategy/plan she just formulated would fail. A possibility of missing the target, even just by a centimeter, would never enter her head.

As she had held her gun during that war, she felt diffident, that somehow she might miss and somehow she herself might get injured. And surprisingly, that was the last thing she wanted.

It's not like what she did was wrong, really. She was of an appropriate age to undergo such an experience , she had a stable career and a more than steady income. But that day, not more than two months ago, (more like a month and three weeks), when she saw the pregnancy test she took say positive, she practically lost conciousness, lying there on her bathroom floor. Even now she still felt like what she had done was disgraceful, considering the fact that she was a military officer who prided herself on order and discipline. Despite these feelings of course, she still felt the strong urge to protect herself and her unborn child.

Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang had visited her apartment that one day. She had decided to unwind, and subconciously, drank one too many glasses of wine. Mustang went to clarify some things with her about some of the paperwork which he had given her. Well, that and because he wanted to talk to her about the death of Major Hughes. It's been especially depressing for Roy after his death.

(Note: i do not write lemon)

As the night rolled on, they talked and chatted while drinking a good deal of wine, eventually leading to their individual confessions of love. Riza fell had fallen into passionate embrace and was carried away to a blissful turn of events.

It would have been normal for her to reject all emotions her heart was screaming out, but his words kept ringing in her mind, as if her heart so desperately wanted her to open her eyes.

"Riza". Wow, she thought. The Lieutenant Colonel called her by her first name.

They were in the office, it was just one of those regular days.

"I haven't seen you with a smile on your face all year".

He placed his hands on her face, forcing a smile. Hawkeye gave him a death glare.

"See?" he said. "You look so much better"

Hawkeye tried to glare some more.

"I don't understand why you have to hide behind a straight face" Roy Mustang said as he finally let go of her (blushing) cheeks. "It's not a freaking sin to act according to the dictates of your heart"

Hawkeye had believed that all emotion was useless, but it was still the force that drove life to keep on living.

"It's not a sin to act according to the dicates of your heart..." she repeated in a whisper.

She didn't want to fight, she didn't want to harm the child she carried. But still, if she spoke of it, especially with the Lieutenant Colonel, the words would somehow turn into daggers which would peirce her heart that denied its love for that man.

They were planning an attack. More like a massacre, really. All of Saramin had rebelled against the military and even bombed some of its buildings undetected, causing the death of many.

"Lieutenant" somebody called from behind her.

"Hai?" She didn't even turn around to face the person who was talking to her.

"The troops are getting ready for the attack at dawn" It was Jean Havoc, her colleague.

"Tell them to assemble in front of the camp once their guns are ready" Hawkeye told him. "And don't forget to remind them that they are not to carry anything except their ammunition needed in battle"

"Got it" Havoc answered, still with that toothpick in his mouth. (I honestly do wonder if it's the same toothpick everyday)

Moments of silence

"Hawkeye-dono" Havoc called.

"Nani?"

"Are you okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you fit enough to fight in battle? you seem to be sick, you might be coming down with a disease. I could call the Major and---"

"No need to, Havoc. I am perfectly fine" Hawkeye said this, even though all she wanted right now was safety. But allowing this would not only mean that she would have to face the higher ups (who could be jackassy by the way) which included Roy Mustang, and that she would be abandoning a war and her troops who needed much of her guidance.

Throughout the entire conversation, she managed to keep a straight face.

"You will be fighting in front of the troops, are you sure that you will be---"

"I told you" She turned back and gave Jean Havoc a glare. "I'm fine"

Havoc seemed startled at this. He leaned back and took a cigarette from his shirt pocket and lighted it. Traces of the smoke reached Hawkeye from where she was sitting.

Without hesitation, she grabbed gun and fired a shot, pinning the cigarette down to the floor.

"2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc" she said with a strict face. "I advise you to stop smoking at a time like this, we cannot afford any distractions in this war"

"H-Hai" Havoc nodded.

Suddenly, a military officer entered. "Lieutenant" he said."the troops have assembled outside the camp already. We are only waiting for your orders"

"Very well, then" Hawkeye told him, and motioned for him to leave. She trailed behing, with Havoc a couple of steps behind, still traumatized by being a millimeter away from death. He knew dam well that Hawkeye could drive a bullet through the very middle of his heart even when she would be blindfolded.

"Shoot and kill them all" Hawkeye told them.

She stood straight, with Havoc right beside her.

"Do not spare anyone. Listen to no plea. When a teammate is injured, offer assistance but make sure that you don't get hit by the opponent while doing so. When you yourself would be injured, leave the battlefield. But if you can still fight, carry on" Riza said this loud and clear.

A good number of the men in these troops were older than Riza, and buffier too. But Hawkeye could make them fall to their knees just by looking them in the eye.

She took her place, getting ready for the massacre. Havoc would be the one to give the signal.

This time, it was her decision to fight, and she cursed herself for it. She kept a straight face even when her soul was trembling in fear. She knew that she shouldn't be there, but she couldn't possibly pull out. She just couldn't.

Havoc discreetly gave the signal and the troops quietly crept into the city of Saramin, greeted by troops of their own. Everybody pulled out their guns and started shooting.

A good number of their men had served as guards, but did not stand outside. They greeted Hawkeye's troops by running outside, firing bullets here and there.

Hawkeye and Havoc, through three spies that they had sent, figured this strategy out and came up with another one to counter theirs. But it was still one helluva bloody battle.

Riza Hawkeye's concern now was how many rebels she could kill. She shot them flawlessly, leading to that person's immediate death. It was all she could think of that moment, 'shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot...'

It was the only way to settle the chaos. The people of Saramin did not like having the military as their government, and showed their aversion towards them by randomly shooting some military officers and by bombing some of their buildings. The Brigadier General sent a group of officers to Saramin to settle things with them, to find out what they want out of this rebellion, but instead these officers were killed upon entry.

She cursed them for that, but as she shot the members of this city, she still felt a pang of guilt building up inside of her.

These people did not have the right to take the lives of other people, even though they were against them. But here she was, shooting mercilessly. Taking away the lives of those who took the lives of others. She could actually feel her emotions set in as she saw the souls of others leave their bodies behind.

Somebody pointed a gun to her face. She shot him. That wasn't hard, but it was painful.

For every bullet she released, she could visualize that same bullet coming back at her. Harming her. Harming her child.

She wanted to stop. She wanted to be safe. She knew the Lieutenant Colonel was safe, she was sure of it. He was assigned to a different location. She didn't have to worry about him, he's a freaking state alchemist for crying out loud. But still, even though she knew that he was safe, she still worried about him. He didn't know about her, what she is carrying with her while facing blood and bullets. She knew he worried about her, and if he knew about the situation she was in she knew that he would worry about her more.

She trembled. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. This has never happened before, but that fact didn't matter to her now.

"Ready" she whispered to herself. "Aim" she corrected her aim. "Fire" she was going to pull the trigger, but she trembled. "Fire, dammit, Fire" she was shaking.

His gun was pointed to her.

It would be easy for her to kill him with one shot, but her heart was aching like never before.

"Pull the trigger, dammit!" she muttered to herself. She was still shaking.

She gasped as she saw the bullet rip through the air, and head straight toward her.

-------------------------------------------

I'll write chsapter 2 after i get my brain back to normal. (and it's an old habit of mine to put an 's' in "chapter")

I didn't proofread this or write a draft or even read through it after i wrapped it up, but it's like i always say: I accept criticism like a big slice of chocolate cake.

I'm hoping that i'll get Chapter 2 right, at least.