I know, I know, I know. It has been ages.
Never in 13 seasons have I been less excited for the premiere of Grey's like I am today. :(
So, this is the beginning of The River 2. Their life can and my very well go on forever in some way, but for now we'll stick to part 2.
Stay with me in this first part... just trust me!
Chapter 1
Dread.
Confusion.
Heartache.
How did she get to this point?
How did they get here?
What happened in her life that caused them to be at this juncture?
So much had changed in the last two weeks and she couldn't even fathom how it all went wrong.
How did they go from being in a perfect pink bubble two weeks ago to a dreary, dark cloud hovering over them?
How was it possible she was pacing in her home, her then girlfriend and now wife had surprised her with on one of their many romantic dates, trying to figure out how to stop what was about to happen?
She couldn't handle this.
How the hell did her life end up like this?
This wasn't how their marriage was supposed to be.
The last two weeks have been full of nothing but hate and rage and she couldn't stop it from spiraling into a pit of despair.
What could she say to change Callie's mind?
What could she do to show her that she never meant for any of this to happen?
A thousand questions ran through Arizona's mind while she stood in the kitchen biting the tip of her thumb nail as she paced around the room, waiting for her wife to come downstairs.
She decided wasn't against groveling.
Hell, if Callie would accept it she would throw herself down at her feet and beg her forgiveness, but she felt it would only piss her off more.
She had been open and honest, and spoke from her heart for two weeks now, but Callie wasn't open to hearing anything she had to say which ripped her heart out because at one time the brunette hung on her every word.
Which is why she found herself downstairs in their home, balling her eyes out for the thirteenth morning in a row.
But this morning was different than the last dozen.
This morning Callie was here which caused her tears to fall harder until she heard the woman moving around upstairs.
Grabbing a tissue, she quickly dried her eyes when she heard the familiar set of footsteps topple down the stairs of their home.
She didn't want Callie to see what a blubbering mess she was at the minute nor did she need for her children to see this side of her.
"Thank you," Callie quietly said stepping into the archway of the kitchen when she heard the blonde sniff back the tears. "For letting me get some things," she slightly lifted the box in her hands. Arizona didn't deserve a thank you, but since she was able to see her babies before work she let it slip out.
The blonde could see the heartbreak in her wife's face when she quickly glanced up, which only caused her more pain in her chest.
"You know you're always welcome." Arizona whispered as she looked down nervously to the floor.
Callie needed to turn and leave.
She had nothing left to say, and she didn't want to hear anything else Arizona had to say. She just needed time away to get herself back together again.
"Charlee is still asleep," she spoke, breaking their awkward standoff they seemed to form. "And, the baby is waking, I decided to let them be," she said as neither made eye contact yet. "I'll pick them up tomorrow evening after work so they can spend the weekend with me. And, I'll have them back before dark Sunday."
"Can we..."
"Addison," she stopped Arizona's question before she was able to finish.
She couldn't do this anymore.
No amount of apologies would change anything right now.
"Will be by this afternoon to get the rest of my bags," she held up the box of items she came to pick up before going into work this morning. "I wa..." She stopped herself from forming the sentence she wanted to ask so many times in the past days.
How could Arizona do this to her… to them?
All Callie wanted Arizona to do was to take her in her arms and convince her it wasn't true; that they could come back from this, but that was asking too much.
"How could..." Callie started again, but stopped when she looked up to the blonde standing with her arms wrapped around herself.
Arizona looked like she hadn't slept in days, then again her wife probably hadn't because she hadn't either.
"I'll..." She stopped yet again.
She wanted Arizona to take her in her arms and tell her everything would be okay, but that would be the last thing that would happen.
"Why d..." again, she just couldn't speak.
She wanted to ask so many questions but she was scared the truth would be a dagger in her heart.
How could Arizona throw away what they had?
Their family. Their love.
"I'll be on my way," the brunette said after a few moments of hearing Arizona sniff back the tears.
The angry woman's voice laced with an ache that neither had ever heard before.
Did Arizona not love her enough? Did she not love Arizona enough?
"Calliope," Arizona looked up at her with tear stained cheeks. "Please," she begged. She couldn't stand the thought of her walking away from this. "Don't do this," tears still flowing down her cheeks as she quickly caught her and took the box out of her hands and sat it down on the floor. "We share so much love," her voice full of grief as she searched for the woman's hands. "Please," Her grip tightened as the brunette tried to pull free. "What about our family? Our babies, Calliope, please," She begged.
"You," the brunette shook her head while fighting back her own tears that threatened.
It would be so easy to let everything go and fling her arms around her wife's but she couldn't let it.
Even with everything between them right now, she still felt drawn to this woman which made this hurt that much more.
Arizona would always be the love of her life no matter what.
"We share so much love, please," Arizona begged. "Don't walk away from me; I won't make it without you." Her cries were a plea by now.
"You..." She paused again, feeling herself becoming angry while jerking her hands out of the blonde's. "You should have thought about that," she said, gritting her teeth at the one image she couldn't stomach popped into her head. "When you were fucking JoAnn," Her voice now a high pitched yells at the distraught woman.
She couldn't believe Arizona had the gumption to act like this was all her doing; her choice. Breaking up their family was the last thing she wanted to do, but apparently it didn't matter to her wife.
"I told you, I thought it was you, I swear," she maintained her story from the beginning. "She drugged my drink. I would never cheat on you, honey," she implored trying to get Callie to understand.
There was no way she would ever risk her relationship with her wife. No woman on this planet could hold a candle to her lover.
"You know me, you know my heart," the doctor placed her hand on her chest. "It only beats for you and the kids. You and the girls are my life," she vowed.
She couldn't believe Callie thought she would willingly cheat on her.
"She's my Erica," she stated. "You know I don't have feelings for her. She did all of this and you are letting her win."
"You did this," Callie shook her head as the tears started to escape her eyes when she saw the marble kitchen island behind the blonde where they had shared so many moments together.
Countless days and nights had been spent there bringing each other to a state of ecstasy on the countertop when they first moved in and throughout their marriage.
Hell, they were even having sex right on the counter moments before Arizona's water broke with Charlee.
But now, it was all in the past.
The pain-wrenching beautiful past.
Every time she had thought about their past lately she felt her throat closing in. How could they have shared so much love between them to only end up here?
"No,"
"No matter what happened, you still slept with her," her voice a hushed whisper as the words came forth. "And that breaks my soul."
She still couldn't stand the thought someone had their hands on her wife.
"I'm sorry, and I'll tell you that every single day for the rest of my life if that's what you need."
"You did this Arizona, and you will be explaining to our poor babies why Mommy doesn't live here anymore. You turned our world upside down when all were guilty of is loving you to no end," She said, digging through her purse and retrieving some papers. "It kills me," she chocked back a sob as she gestured to the documents. "But this is the only way I see fit," she whispered, throwing the papers on the counter. "Sign the papers so we can move on with our lives."
"No," Arizona's eyes widened. "No!" She declared more loudly. She never thought Callie would concede to this so quickly. "NO," Arizona yelled, picking the papers up and ripping them apart. "No, I will not willingly divorce you. Only over my dead body will that ever happen," she spat in anger.
This wasn't going to happen, not if she had any say.
"It's happening whether you sign or not." She sighed.
"Callie, please, just hear me out."
"Hear you out?" She scoffed. "How the fuck can I hear you out?" She started to scream. She knew she needed to keep quiet, but she had to let her anger out. "All I hear is your voice and moaning sounds you were making when I walked into that fucking hotel room." Her voice broke.
Quickly turning her head, she forced her tears away. She didn't want the blonde to see her cry, again. She wasn't worth that anymore. "There is no mistake on what happened," She turned back around after composing herself. "I walked in on you in my father's hotel room in San Diego while you were knuckle deep in that fucking whore," She growled, letting out a few whimpers afterward. "No excuse in the world can save you now."
"But I thought it was you, Calliope. Baby, you have to believe me."
"Don't call me that. Don't you EVER call me that again," she spat. Her anger came barreling full force the more she looked at the blonde. "You lost all right to call me any pet name. You can call me Callie or Dr. Torres; I will not answer to anything else!" She exclaimed.
"No." She grabbed her wrists again. "You're mine and only mine, and I am yours," Arizona tried. "I thought it was you. I had missed you and the girls so, so badly. I went to the bar to have a drink before I FaceTimed you and the babies. I went to the bathroom and came back and she was sitting there next to my seat. I tried to ignore her."
"You could have easily gone to the room," She sneered, trying to jerk away. "Oh wait, you did," She scoffed at her wife, well hopefully soon to be ex-wife. "I gave you everything, Arizona," she shook her head in defeat. "Every last piece of me was yours," she said as the tears flowed down her cheeks. "Always and forever," She said as another sob escaped her throat. "But you threw it all away like I was trash. As if my love for you didn't matter," she sniffed. "I really loved you... and I thought you loved me, too. I guess I was wrong." She said, pulling her hands away from the blonde's grasp.
"Mami," Charlee said bounding down the steps when she heard her mother's voice. "Mami, Mami," she exclaimed when she saw her mother. "You're here,"
Callie quickly wiped her tears on her sleeve before she turned to her daughter. "Hi, ladybug," She knelt down to hug her five year old daughter.
"I missed you, Mami." Charlee wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck.
"I miss you too, sweet angel," She kissed her temple. "Mami's going to get her an apartment and you and sissy will come to stay with me some, too, okay?"
"But I want you to stay here, Mami, with Mama and me." Charlee looked up at her mother with tears. "Mama and I cry a lot when you're not here."
"I know you do, baby," she ignore the remark about Arizona crying. This was her mess, and she had no time to sympathize. "Mami wants to stay, Mija. That's all Mami wants, but I can't," She said, kissing the little girls forehead. "I love you so, so very much Charlee Maria. Mami misses you every second she's away."
Arizona tried to keep her tears in while Charlee was in the room, but she lost that battle just like she was losing the battle with her wife. "Please stay," she whispered, knowing Callie heard her. "Don't go,"
Callie ignored the blonde's comments as she stood up. "Mami has to go to work, honey." She said, wiping the tears from her daughter's face. "I'll see you and Aña soon, okay?"
"You go work at Tiny Humans?"
"No sweetie, remember, Mami started back at the hospital."
They tried to keep things quiet around Charlee so this transition would be easy on her, but they were failing miserably.
"But I want you to work wif Mama."
"I can't, Charlee." She stated flatly, quickly standing. She needed to get away before she lost it in front of her daughter.
God, Callie would give anything to go back a few weeks in time when she thought she had the perfect life.
"I have to go, sweetie," She said as the little girl let go of her hand. "Love, Mija." She ran her fingers through the little girls head.
"Love, too, Mami," She looked up at her mother sadly before walking over to her Mama and crying, causing the blonde's tears to fall harder.
Callie watched Arizona pick up their five year old and hug her close. She wished things didn't have to be this way, but there was no way she could forgive the blonde for what she had done to them.
Turning back after watching her oldest daughter sob into her Mama's neck, Callie walk out of her old house.
"Calliope," Arizona had one last chance. "Please," she sat the upset child down when she saw Callie pick up her things and walk away. "Stop," Arizona ran out after her. "This is your house, you can stay. Please, for the babies, Callie, stay."
"I can't live in a house I bought for my cheating wife." She shook her head and continued to her car. She had to get in the safety of the vehicle before she collapsed to the ground in grief.
"SoBe," She exclaimed. "Please, SoBe," She pleaded with everything she had inside her. "Remember that? Remember our first trip to Miami?" She would try everything to get Callie to at least reconsider. "It feels like forever ago, but yet it seems like yesterday. We were so in love nothing could break us," she walked further on the porch when Callie stopped in her tracks. "You told me later that night nothing would ever stand in our way, Callie. Nothing would break us up. Please... just give me a chance to tell you everything," she begged. "Hell, review the hotel footage, you will see the truth. I know she did it Calliope, please, baby, believe me. I have never given you a reason not to trust me."
"I have to go." She shook her head when she felt herself about to give in.
"Please don't leave me, I can't make it without you." She cried dropping to her knees in haste. "I won't survive. I won't," She sobbed, crouching over as her grief took over her body. "I'll die without you," She whispered as tears streamed down her face. "You promised me forever," She wailed hearing Callie start her car. "Calliope," her body completely collapsing down on the porch crying as she felt the world swallow her up.
"Mama," she heard Charlee walk out onto the deck after a few moments. She couldn't believe she let herself succumb to her grief in front of her child. "Mama, don't cry," She heard her whisper and lean down next to her. "Mama? Mama?" The child shook her to get her attention.
"Mama," Arizona heard the faint call when she felt her foggy surroundings becoming clearer. "Mama, cy," she heard as the haze wore off. "Mama," the voice became louder when she felt something graze her damp face.
Peeking her eye open, she saw her daughter's face mere inches away from hers which startled her causing her to dart straight up in fear.
Her heartbeat was racing a mile a minute; tears were still fresh in her eyes as sweat rolled down her forehead as she took several deep breathes.
A dream.
Again.
Another nightmare.
She peered around the room making sure everything was still a chaotic mess like her wife left it this morning when she was rushing around late for work.
"Up,"
Gazing beside her when Charlee spoke again, she saw her looking up to her with azure eyes.
"Up, Mama," She heard her two year old daughter say. "Num num." she rubbed her stomach.
"Charlee," she wiped her tears away and shook her head to clear her mind. "Oh god," She sighed, grabbing her daughter and hugging her; relieved it was only a dream, yet again.
"Mama, cy" The little girl could tell something wasn't quite right with her mother.
"Mama's okay, Princess, I just had a silly dream," She assured the toddler and herself as she clung to the two year old.
She had felt so much pain in that dream; she just needed a minute to gather herself back together.
"Num num,"
"Are you hungry?" She questioned when the little girl spoke up again.
"Hungy," she nodded.
"Hungry, Charlee," she corrected her.
"Hungy,"
"Let's check on Mommy, and then I'll get us some lunch." She chuckled at her choice of verbiage after a few moments of calming down.
Grabbing her phone off her wife's nightstand she sent her a quick text just needing to talk to Callie after that nightmare.
She needed to know her wife was present in her life at the moment.
It wasn't her first dream she had had recently, but she prayed it would be the last after today.
- I love you, so much. - XO Arizona -
- I love you too, honey. Are you okay? Charlee? - XO Cal -
- We're fine, just missing you is all. She's hungry, so I'm going to pick us up some lunch and swing by the pharmacy. You ready, love? :) - XO Ari -
- Beyond. I really feel it. - XO Waiting impatiently for my beautiful girls -
- We'll have to freshen up for you and then we'll be on our way... Aiognythjzldnfnzusbrlxpsjendo. -
"Hi, buggy. - XO Ma -
- Sorry about that. She decided to grab the phone outta my hands and tell mommy she misses her, too. :) - Charlee & Ari -
- I figured that or you had a stroke. :) Tell Dimples I miss her, too. I'm excitedly waiting for you both. See you soon I hope. - XO Mommy ;) -
- Love? - XO Arizona -
- Love! - XO, Your Calliope -
"You want to go have lunch with Mommy, big girl?" Arizona patted her daughter's stomach as she stood next to her on the bed and held onto her shirt as she bounced when she heard her other mother's name mentioned.
"Maaaaa..." She yelled looking towards the bedroom door expecting to see her mother enter any moment.
"Mommy's at work, baby," she couldn't help but smile at the little girl. She loved the way Charlee's eyes lit up when Callie would burst through a room.
"Let's find you a beautiful dress, and then we'll find Mama one, too. We want to look pretty for Mommy, don't we?"
"Pitty for me, Ma," she nodded patting her chest.
"Yeah, we want your Mommy to think we're beautiful, don't we," Arizona smiled. "Let's see if we can find our matching blue sundresses Mommy loves so much."
Callie was scrubbing out of her second surgery of the morning when she heard a little set of footsteps running down the hallway.
Quickly drying her hands, she snuck to the doorway and poked her head out, seeing her daughter running towards the room. "Who goes there," she jumped out playfully tormenting the toddler causing the girl to yelp and giggle in surprise.
"Argh," Charlee stopped in her tracts when her mother startled her. Her beautiful blue eyes and brown bouncing curls not going unnoticed by her mother. "Ma," she yelled, holding her arms outstretched for her mother as she began ran up to her again.
Callie loved the scene before her. Seeing her two favorite people always warmed her to the core.
Adverting her eyes from her toddler, she smiled at the moving figure in the background.
Arizona was sauntering through the ward in Callie's favorite blue sundress, trying to keep up with her little tyke as she lugged a few bags along.
Moments like this were the ones Callie loved to soak up and hold in her heart forever.
"Buggy," she adverted her eyes back to her daughter and yelled back, kneeling down and scooping her up in her arms to kiss her face. "Mommy has missed you so much today," she mumbled, hugging her tight.
"Me, Mama pitty up for you," she smiled at her mother when she rose from her position.
"For me?" Callie said in surprise as she admired both of her girls in their similar light blue sundresses. "Wow, both my girls look absolutely gorgeous," she grinned kissing the girls cheek before addressing her wife. "Hi honey," she winked, leaning in and kissing her pink lips. "You look lovely," she said causing the blonde to blush slightly.
"Hey you," Arizona pecked red lips one more time before pulling back and sighing with relief. "Thank you."
Even though she knew it was just a dream, she wouldn't feel at ease until she saw her wife.
"What are you doing here, little lady?" Callie tickled her tummy.
"No, Ma," she threw her head back laughing as she tried to push Callie's hand away.
"Tell Mommy what we brought, Princess," Arizona said as she made her way down to her wife's office with the other two behind her on her heels.
"Bowt, wunch,"
"You brought lunch?" Callie laughed at the girls' use of words.
"Unn-huh," she nodded, wiggling out of her mother's arms.
"Yum, Mommy is starving," Callie placed her daughter on the ground and stepped up behind her favorite person and wrapped her arms around her waist.
"I've missed you, too, pretty Mama," Callie purred into her wife's ear before kissing her flesh.
"Mmm..." Arizona hummed, placing the bags down on her wife's desk and turned her head to meet the brunette's. "I missed you, too," she hugged the brunette's arms that were wrapped around her. "How are you feeling?"
"Great," she said as Arizona turned in her arms.
She couldn't wipe the grin off her face all morning.
"You've not been sick, anymore?"
"I did get a little queasy on the way to work this morning, but it seemed to pass by the time I got here," she smiled when her wife placed her hand on her stomach.
"Well, I bought a few tests if you want to take one," Arizona informed her of the items she had purchased on her way in as she caressed her wife's flat stomach.
She silently prayed her baby was currently housed safely in her wife's womb.
Close to two months ago, Addison had extracted fourteen of Callie's eggs, and after fertilization and several tests of the embryos, the couple found out only one egg out of the bunch was viable which caused some distress in the brunette.
This was her life dream of carrying a baby and to find out only one of fourteen of her eggs were viable was a little disheartening, but she collected herself so they could go ahead with the implanting.
It had been around two weeks since Addison had implanted Callie with her only viable embryo, and she had been fighting some bouts of nausea since yesterday evening.
During the night when she had woken with a round of queasiness, they had decided to take a test instead of waiting for their appointment with Addison Monday afternoon.
Both women were very anxious to get the results, but tried to keep their cool because the other four negative tests in the past ten months had been a letdown.
They wanted to keep their expectations low until they knew for sure, but as time pressed on in the day, Callie felt more and more excited.
"After lunch," she kissed her cheek. "I just used the restroom not long ago, so I'm going to chug some water and spend a little quality time with my two favorite people and then we'll get down to business," she said as Charlee started to pull some of her toys from the chest she had for her in the corner of her office.
"Okay," Arizona agreed as she went to set out their lunch.
"You okay?" Callie asked, sitting down in her desk chair as Arizona pulled up another seat.
She could tell the woman was a little quieter than normal, and now that she was studying her she did look a little pale.
"Ahh, yeah," she glanced up and smiled at her. "I'm fine," she said handing Callie her water.
She knew Callie was reading right through her, though.
"What happened?" Callie asked taking her water from her lover. She could tell something was up with her wife.
"I told you, babe, nothing," she decided handing Callie her lunch. "Charlee," she felt her wife's stare as she called for her daughter whom was playing with her toys. "Put that down and come finish your apples." She patted her lap to entice the little girl.
"Did you get yourself something?" She asked seeing the bag was now empty
"No, I'm not that hungry."
"Arizona," Callie said, knowing she wasn't telling the truth.
"Callie," she sighed, as Charlee came up to her. "Here's your juice, baby," she sat the drink on the desk and picked the girl up and sat her in her lap.
The brunette watched as Arizona ignored her. She had remembered her acting like this a few times in the recent past.
"Again?" She grabbed the blonde's hand as Charlee went to finish her fruit.
"I..." She stopped. She knew she couldn't lie her way around it. Callie knew her too well. "They feel so real, Calliope," she said meekly as she looked up to the brunette.
"What is going on?" She questioned, caressing her hand.
"No," she shook her head as Charlee looked up to her. "Let's have lunch, and then we'll talk away from prying ears," she looked down at her daughter, kissing her head as she fluffed out her dress.
"Okay," she picked her hand up and kissed her soft skin before sitting back in her seat and enjoying lunch with her girls.
She hated to push the subject even if it was for only thirty minutes because she could tell it was affecting her wife again.
"I've been excited all morning, but now that the time is here I could puke," Callie said taking the test and walking into the bathroom in her office.
"From excitement or nervousness," Arizona waited for her to reply, hopping on the sink while the brunette did her business.
"A little of both," Callie finished and walked over to the sink to wash her hands as they began their wait.
This was always the hardest part. The three minute wait felt longer than trying to bake a human inside her body.
"Me too," Arizona hummed, pulling her wife to stand in front of her. "I need you to promise me something," she said, lifting her wife's scrub top and admiring her stomach.
She could already envision her wife walking around their home barefoot and pregnant.
"What's that?" Callie asked placing her hand on top of Arizona's that rested on her stomach.
She loved how Arizona couldn't keep her hands off her as of late. They could be outside playing with Charlee and the dogs, or all lying together on the large sofa in the theatre room, anywhere they were Arizona's hands always roamed to her stomach lately.
"Promise me," the blonde said softly drawing circles on the brunette's flat stomach near her bellybutton. "If we have a girl we won't name her Aña," she said dolefully.
It was silly, but she couldn't stand the thought now.
"Why?" Callie's brows furrowed at her wife's plea. "I thought we liked that name?"
They had been trying to get pregnant for so long they couldn't help but throw names out for their future baby, and Aña had been one of their picks, but now Arizona didn't want that to happen.
"Because in my dream," she paused swallowing the lump that formed just at the mere thought of the nightmare. "You finally had said our baby's name, and it was Aña." She whispered lowering Callie's shirt again and grabbed the test to avoid her wife's gaze.
She had had this dream a few times now, and never caught the name of their second child until her dream earlier in the day.
"Ari," she hooked her chin and lifted the woman's distraught face. "We won't name our baby Aña, ever," she shook her head.
"Okay," she muttered. Arizona wasn't a superstitious person, but she just couldn't help but see it coming to fruition if they were to name their child that.
She didn't have it in her heart to ever cheat on Callie no matter the circumstance, but just the thought of her child being named Aña made her sick to her stomach after this morning.
"So what was it this time?" Callie asked as the blonde put the test back down on the counter.
"Basically the same," she shrugged. She had told Callie of her dreams and worries from them each time which only caused the brunette to feel guilty. "I begged and pleaded, but this time you wouldn't hear me out, you just left."
"I'm sorry," the woman sighed cupping her face.
"It was just so real, Callie," she willingly looked up at loving brown eyes.
"No, I'm," Callie paused; feeling like a lot of this was her fault. She was always calling, texting, and complaining to her wife as soon as she stepped foot in the door after work. "I'm sorry," all their conversations as of late had been on this baby issue and she was bogging her wife down with her stress only adding on to Arizona's. "I feel like this is entirely fault."
"None of it is your fault," the blonde rebutted, grabbing her hand from her face and kissing her skin.
"It is, though," she nodded. "I'm," She sighed. She hated that she was causing her wife the distress of these dreams. "It's because of me. If we weren't having such a hard time getting pregnant you wouldn't be having these dreams," she insisted. "You won't hurt my feeling by saying so because that's how I feel."
"It's not true," she denied. She would never tell Callie she was the reason for this because she would hate it if Callie told her she was the reason for her terrible nightmares if she were having any.
"It is, Arizona," Callie stopped her. "I'm upset and cranky at times because it's frustrating. I know it's just as frustrating for you also, and then you have to deal with me whining. It's added stress, and I'm sorry."
"I don't care," she shook her head.
"But, I do,"
"I'd have those dreams every night if it meant you are carrying my baby," Arizona caressed her sides as Callie continued to stand between her legs.
As hard and painful as those dreams were, she'd have them over and over if it meant that her dreams were coming true in her reality.
"Well," Callie looked at the time. "Hopefully we can stop stressing soon," she gave her wife a half smile. "I feel like there's a blob in there," she patted her stomach.
"You do?" She looked up at her wife as she placed her hand on her stomach again.
"I do," she nodded. "I feel different than all the other times."
"Yeah," she perked up.
"Yeah," Callie couldn't help but chuckle at her wife's bright smile; however it vanished soon after when they heard Charlee's whimpers. "I'll check on her."
Before Callie even finished lunch, Charlee had fallen asleep in her Mama's arms which was a sure sign to Arizona that the nap she tried to get Charlee to take earlier in the day failed.
Apparently when she tried to get the toddler to rest before coming to the clinic to visit her wife, Charlee had pretended to nap until her mother had fell asleep and then she was up roaming around.
At first she didn't believe it until she came home to find Callie asleep in bed taking a nap while Charlee was in her room playing.
"She okay," Arizona walked back into Callie's office only to see her wife covering the little girl back up.
"Yeah, she had kicked her blanket off," Callie walked back into the bathroom with Arizona on her heels.
"She loves her blankets."
"You ready?" She looked back anxiously at her wife.
"As I'll ever be," Arizona nodded. Truth was she had been anxiously waiting for this moment and she couldn't wait to find out the results.
"Whether it's positive or negative..." She said but Arizona stopped her.
"No," she spoke up, walking up to her wife. "We're going to live in the moment, if it's good news we'll embrace it, and," she paused placing her hand on her wife's stomach silently sending up prayers. "If it's...not we'll deal with it," she didn't want Callie promising that it wouldn't affect her or them again because it always would.
"You want to look?" Callie gave her nod to the test.
"You look,"
"I love you," she leaned in and pecked pink lips.
"I love you, too," Arizona cupped her face before Callie had a chance to pull away. She just needed another second before they knew if their life was about to change or not. "Always,"
"And forever," Callie grinned when Arizona softly kissed her one last time.
"Go ahead," she released her wife's face and urged her on as she took a deep breath.
"Ahhh," Callie shook her body in delight. She couldn't keep her excitement in as she shot her wife an eager look.
Arizona couldn't help but giggle lightly at her anxious wife. "You're silly," she slapped her on the behind when Callie turned and walked over to the sink where the test laid.
Callie glanced in the mirror at herself, before looking into the background where she saw her wife anxiously waiting behind her.
She hoped this was it, that this was the day they've been fighting for months and months. She wanted this to be the day that her anxiety and Arizona's stress would dissipate.
Arizona, however, wasn't worried about herself. She was worried about her wife. She didn't know if she could handle watching Callie go through another letdown again.
Just this once she wanted to see her lover's chocolate eyes shine with joy, and she thought it was headed that way until she saw the surgeon glance down at the test in her hand before quickly bracing both of her hands on the sink causing the test to drop in the sink.
"Really," she sighed with tears already in her own eyes when she watched the anxious look of her wife's face turn into a frown in the mirror. Arizona was just as excited as Callie had been, and yet again they were knocked right back down.
She felt her heart hit the floor as the pregnancy test clanked in the sink after Callie dropped it. "I..." She felt an ache in her chest as she heard her wife's faint cry. "I really thought this was it," Arizona quickly moved to stand behind Callie; she just wanted to feel the closeness of the woman right now.
Pressing her cheek against the woman's back, she hugged her tight when Callie drop her head after peering at the stick.
"It's okay," she whispered as Callie's body shock with tears for several moments.
"I'm done trying, Arizona." She sniffed, knowing the blonde probably didn't want to hear these words but she just couldn't do this again, not right now. "Please, I just... I need a break," she said feeling her wife pull back while sniffing back her own tears. "It hurts, too much. Doing this month after month," She sighed, lifting her head up in disbelief only to see her red eyes staring back at her in the mirror. "It's taking a toll on me," she grabbed a tissue and dried her eyes. "On both of us," she turned to face her wife. "We need a break. Your dreams are stemming from this, I'm grumpy... I just want to be us again for a little while."
Arizona picked her head up and watched Callie finish speaking. She'd be lying if she said it didn't take a toll on their relationship. It wasn't that Callie was grumpy with her like she was around Christmas, but it just put a strain on them that they never expected.
But, it still hurt to hear Callie say she was tired of this. This was all they wanted, however right now it wasn't meant to happen for them.
They shouldn't have to keep going through this month after month only to feel this heartbreak every time. It wasn't right to put their selves through this so much and especially for Callie. Her poor wife had the most on her shoulders. The woman thought she was a disappointment to her and their family unit, and she was anything but.
"Whatever you want to do, we'll do," she wiped Callie's tears away before hugging the woman around the neck. "I'm so sorry, Calliope." She said as Callie grabbed onto her shoulder and began to sob again which caused her own tears to flow as well. "It's okay, honey," she mumbled into her neck as she tried to console her.
Both women needed to just be held by the other for a moment.
As soon as Callie felt her wife's loving embrace she lost it. "I'm sorry," she sniffed as tears trickled off her noise dropping on her wife's left shoulder. She hated that the pain of trying didn't only fall on her it fell on her lover also.
"Callie," Arizona sighed after a moment. "You haven't done anything to be sorry for, my love."
"Eighty-five percent," she whispered their chances. Addison had put them through such extensive tests and promised a huge turnout percentage, but unfortunately she didn't fall in that bracket. "We had an eighty-five percent chance it would stick," she sniffed, pulling out of her wife's arms.
"I know," She looked sadly up at her. "I know,"
"Why do we have to be that fifteen percent?"
Arizona's heart was crumbling when Callie began to sob again. "I don't know, honey," she said, cupping the woman's face and pulling her down to her level. "I don't know," she rested her forehead against Callie's. "But..."
"Doctor Torres," April knocked on the office door, interrupting their moment as she made her presence known.
Hearing her nurse call, Callie reined back her emotions. "Ahem," she cleared her throat. "Yes, April,"
"You have surgery in ten, and Mr. and Mrs. Copley would like to address some things with you before surgery."
"Okay, I'll be right there," Callie inhaled, and turned to find her lab coat.
"Do you wanna do something this evening?" Arizona asked hoping to take her wife's mind off things tonight. "We've been promising Charlee a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. We need some happy family time together tonight," she received a shake of the head from her wife. "We can go to the park or maybe have a picnic by the beach?"
"No, Arizona," she knew she was only trying to help but she didn't want it right now. "I just wanna go home and hold our baby girl until she falls asleep in my arms," she stared at her white coat in her hands for a moment before finishing. "It's the sweetest, most peaceful thing in the world and right now she's the only thing that can ease my pain," she shrugged sadly. "And then, I want to fall asleep in your arms if you let me?"
"That's never a question," she nodded solemnly. She'd do whatever helped her wife to get by. "I'm sorry, babe."
"I'm sorry, too," Callie whispered, putting her coat on and adjusting herself before blotting her eyes again. "Do I look presentable?" She inhaled as Arizona gave her a once over.
"You look just fine," she said, drying her wife's wet cheeks.
"Okay then," she nodded.
"Calliope," she whispered lightly when the woman started out of the room. She knew Callie's mind was anywhere but where it needed to be at the moment. "Focus, okay. This child needs you right now, and you can't..."
"I'll see ya at home," she stopped her before placing a kiss on her cheek. She knew she needed to push her own personal problems aside, and Arizona seeing her wife's somber face was making it hard at the moment.
"Okay," the blonde breathed as she vanished.
Sitting down in the chair, Arizona sighed dropping her head in her hands as she tried to fight back her tears.
I'm unsure if people still read Calzona fic's anymore now Callie is gone... but there ya go. I hope it was worth the long wait. I am unsure when I'll be posting chapter two. My life has been a crazy, busy mess as of the past few months and I'm trying to get chapters out when I can.