Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon.
A Big Fat Eragon parody
Prologue
Something whizzed out of one of the bushes, knocking one of the guards unconscious. The other one looked around, noticing nothing. He examined the projectile. As it was a book, he read the title on it. "Eragon... Looks interesting..." But he didn't know how wrong he was. Within seconds, he was sound asleep after just a few pages. "Yes! The plan worked!" came a voice from somewhere in the bushes. "Yes, my plan worked, the one you're undoubtedly going to blame me for when you screw up this simple mission due to your extreme incompetency." another voice muttered. "Now just get the elf, and let's go." The elf in question they were trying to capture rolled her eyes.
"Ugh, not these two again! It's seriously getting insulting how idiotic these goons are..." The 2 figures trying to kidnap her came out of the bush. "Excuse me? Goon? I'm a shadow goon, thank you very much!" exclaimed Dumbza, the one who had given away their position in the bush. The elf, Marya-sue, reached for her sword, but then a powerful force overwhelmed her. The power of laziness. "Oh mighty shadow goon! I beg you to not fling this ovular purple object thirty miles in...that direction, which would surely crush me emotionally and put me into an easily kidnappable state!" she said theatrically, hopping down from her horse and proffering the aforementioned object.
Dumbza leaped and snatched it up. He threw it with unnatural force into the distance. Then, he turned to his companion, who had already been yelling at him not to do it. "You moron! That egg was the whole purpose of our mission!" "But I didn't throw the egg, I flung it! You only warned me against throwing it!" Dumbza shouted back. "It's not my fault, I was expecting your volumetrically challenged brain to not know the word 'flung'," groaned Dumbza's assistant, the generic smart advisor to a leading bad guy. While they were squabbling, Marya-sue laughed to herself. "That's thirty miles I don't have to travel anymore..." She then noticed the Eragon book on the ground. "This is odd, I'd better check this out...". A few seconds later, you could hear the distinctive thud of someone's head hitting the ground after falling asleep due to boredom.