Or, What Comes From Your Brain When You're Supposed To Be Doing Pre-Calc Homework/Sleeping.

Sarah...we were totally talking about this theory yesterday. I say it totally happened. Jussayin'

'Weelll…you see, I can't really be held responsible for whatever it was I did, as that wasn't really me. I mean…it was but…it wasn't…that's what I get for using the random setting, eh? Punishment for my laziness or something. Best to avoid that one again.'

The man stared at him as though he'd grown a second head. That would have been something…

'Well…if you'll excuse me I really must be going. People to be, places to see…wait…reverse that.' Doctor jumped up out of the chair and was promptly pushed back down.

'You're not going anywhere, Crouch.'

'Crouch? Is that my name, then? Good to know…I'll make a note of that. So where am I?'

'We haven't moved you.'

'See but that's the thing. I don't have much memory of the past year or so. Care to help me out there? Who are you anyway?'

The second man rolled his eyes. 'Just ignore him sir. Soon enough, we can hand him over to the dementors.'

The Doctor choked. 'Dementors? Naw…couldn't be…what'd you say my name was? Crouch? Crouch…naw! It couldn't! Not…Barty? Barty Crouch? Jr if I'm correct. And the Dementors…no…' He ran his fingers through his hair again, not believing it. Then a huge grin came across his face and his captors took a fearful step back. 'That's brilliant! I'm in Harry Potter! So…so this is Hogwarts? Oh, this is brilliant! No one will believe this!'

His captors exchanged glances. 'Mental, this one is.'

' I reckon too much time as Mad-Eye 'll do that too a person.'

The Doctor grinned again. 'Mad-Eye? Aw, where is he? I'd love to meet him! Big fan really, big fan. And Harry! Oh, I love Harry. But you know who I really want to meet? Snape. I knew he wasn't the bad guy, I just knew it. Wait till you get to the ending…oh. I cried.'

'Restrain him.'

'Naw. See, I don't really feel like getting my soul sucked out through my lips today. I'm rather fond of it. Besides, you hear that?' He paused, giving them the opportunity to hear the strange buzzing sort of noise coming from outside. 'My ride's just materialized. Farewell, Fudge! Minerva.'

And with that, he winked at Professor McGonagall (who turned a deep scarlet) and jumped. They ran to the window just in time to see Barty Crouch Jr standing in the doorway of a big blue box, quickly flying out of sight.

'So, you believe…he was an alien,' Fudge said slowly and deliberately, still not believing it.

'Yes, sir.'

'And he escaped in his…space ship.'

'Yes, sir.'

'Kingley, take this man to Mungo's. I fear Crouch may have messed with his mind before apparating.'

'But sir - apparation isn't even possible in Hogwarts.'

'He must have found a way around it. We all saw him jump, but there was no body at the bottom. How else would you explain that?'

'Sir, the big blue box - '

' - was merely an allusion. There are no aliens, there are no space ships, and there are no flying blue boxes.'

'I know what I saw sir...'

Fudge facepalmed. First You-Know-Who 'returns' and now Crouch is an 'alien'. As if one ridiculous story wasn't enough! 'Enough. Say the dementors couldn't be held back. We have our reputations to uphold.'

'Yes, sir.' And with that, he scurried out of the room.

Fudge sighed and sank into his chair. Alien, he scoffed. Why couldn't they just admit they lost him?

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