23rd Of November- Mileys Birthday
*Alarm Rings*
And so another day begins.
You would think i would be happy right? Its my 18th birthday. But my world is crashing down around me and there is nothing i can do to stop it. My parents are getting a divorce you see. They were the one thing i could always turn to and see that i had something normal to rely on, but now my family is being torn apart and i know its my fault. If i had never wanted this life, if i had never auditioned to be Hannah Montana i know for a fact that my family would be happy. It hurts so much to know i made my parents stop loving eachother, there last arguement was over me. How can you apoligise for something like that, if i had never become Miley Cyrus the worlds biggest teen star then things would be different, how can i just take it all back? I cant. I cant dissapear and i cant stop being me, i have to live with this for the rest of my life. Noah is so young, but she knows whats going on, she knows mummy and daddy dont want to be with eachother anymore but she would never blame me, none of them would. But i know its my fault, i just know.
I look around my room and see all the memories we once shared as a family, holidays and christmas even halloween. My dad always used to dress up as elvis and wander round the house singing and dancing with us all and my mum would always tell him to stop being a child but then he would pick her up and swing her around and she would smile and laugh and there was a look in there eyes that just said, i will always love you. Guess i wasnt looking closely enough. Anyways better put a smile on my face and head downstairs, cant let anyone know im feeling like this, you see when you have millions of people waiting to see you breakdown all you want to do is prove that your strong enough to get through all of this and smile, but you see im not. Im not strong and im not brave, i cry myself to sleep every night, but when i step outside into the world its like im not Miley anymore, im not this girl that is broken inside, im nothing, i smile and i walk, its not a real smile, but they dont know that. Sometimes the charade slips away and they capture a moment of me, a moment of sadness, and they use it to write stories of 'Mileys torture of parents splitting up'. They dont know how im feeling, not really. No one does. Well no one except her. Demi, my best friend, the person i turn to when everything goes wrong and all i need is to cry in someones arms, she has always been there. But now shes not. Shes somewhere i cant get too. Demi has some problems of her own right now, she is going through a lot, i know we could help each other but Demi thought it was best to go somewhere professional for help. It was so brave of her, i know i couldnt do it, i admire her so much. I just hope she gets out of there soon, i need her more then anyone right now and i know she needs me too. We always turn to each other. And now were both alone with our thoughts.
Its the morning of my birthday and here i am thinking about everything thats wrong with my life. I cant even be happy on the one day that is dedicated to me and my life, everything i have worked for seems like nothing right now, but i cant just give it up, i cant say i wish i could take it all back, i would never of changed so many peoples lives, i would never of met demi, i would never of met..him. Nick. My heart. Right now i wish he was here holding me and telling me everything will be okay. But he is on tour living his life and doing what he loves. Its weird but i know that i will always love nick, no matter where i am or who im with, he will always own my heart. I wont let anyone get in the way of what i feel for nick, i wont let anyone tell me i dont love him, because i do with everything in me. We may not be together, but one day i hope we will be, when everything is over and were not Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas, were just Miley and Nick, simple and perfect. Maybe thats just a dream, but thinking about it makes me smile. 'Smilers' thats what dad used to call me, i havent done much real smiling in a while, that really hurts to think about, you only live once and im sat in my room on my birthday upset and alone, it doesnt make much sense does it. I think i know what i need to do now, it may not be the most sensible or logical thing to do but for once in my life im going to do something for myself, to make myself happy, I havent seen him in a while but i just know that its the right thing to do, somewhere in my soul is telling me to go. Right now i have to be with the person who knows how to make me smile.
Nick.