A/N: To start off with, this is based on Goodbye Stranger, so spoiler alert if you haven't seen that episode yet. This is based on Cas' time training with Naomi. The premise kind of is, if Cas wrote in a journal during his time with Naomi, what would he have written?
Disclaimer: Two words. Meg Masters. That's how you can tell that I don't own Supernatural. If I Supernatural was mine, we would still have Meg.
I Killed Dean Today
Day 1
Naomi made me kill Dean today. I fought her for hours, but in the end, I wasn't strong enough to stop her.
It wasn't the real Dean but it was close enough.
Although I couldn't stop her, I did put up, as Dean would say, "a helluva fight" and so Naomi spent all day fighting me. It cost her much strength and time.
I don't know why I'm writing this down. Maybe it's because I feel like this is what Sam and Dean would do if they were in my place. I'm afraid that Naomi will make me forget to fight her one day. Maybe if I write down what happens to me, I'll remember.
Day 2
Naomi made me kill Dean again today.
Day 3
Naomi made me kill Dean today.
Day 11
Naomi made me kill Dean today.
Day 24
Naomi made me kill Dean today.
Day 37
I'm slipping. It's harder to fight Naomi. She made me kill Dean today.
Day 42
Naomi made me kill Dean today.
Day 51
Naomi made me kill Dean today.
Day 64
Naomi made me kill Dean today. I almost forgot to fight her. Almost.
Day 75
Naomi made me kill Dean today.
Day 89
Naomi is growing stronger and I can no longer put up much of a fight. This means we have more time to "train", according to Naomi. She made me kill Dean today and "Dean" has become many Deans.
Day 97
Naomi made me kill Dean today.
Day 101
Naomi made me kill Dean. And I forgot to fight her. I lost.
Day 117
I no longer remember to put up the littlest fight. Naomi made me kill Dean today.
Day 123
I killed Dean today.
Day 132
I killed Dean today.
Day 146
I killed Dean today. Naomi says I am improving. She says I'm becoming what angels are supposed to be again. All I know is that I'm forgetting that I care that I killed Dean.
Day 160
I killed Dean today.
Day 184
I killed Dean today.
Day 215
I killed Dean today.
Day 229
I remember feeling sadness and shame when I first started my training. Naomi says I am no longer operating under the constraints of emotions. I killed Dean today.
Day 247
I killed someone today.
Day 251
I have learned to remove obstacles from my path. I must protect heaven. I killed someone today.
Day 268
I killed someone today.
Day 277
I killed someone today.
Day 301
I killed someone today. I realize that this "someone" was Dean. But I am also aware that this doesn't matter. After all I've done, I must make reparations and protect heaven, no matter the cost.
Day 325
Naomi says that I am making excellent progress and I am almost ready to complete my mission. I removed the obstacles to that mission today.
Day 339
I successfully removed the obstacles today.
Day 352
I have been training everyday for 352 days. Everyday, I killed. Now, Naomi says that I am ready. She is proud of me. Tomorrow, I will go forth and retrieve the Angel Tablet. Naomi says I am the angel that I was meant to be. I have completed my training and can act without hesitation – quickly and brutally. I removed the obstac- I killed Dean today.
Day 365
Today, I didn't kill Dean.
A/N: Because Cas was training with Naomi, I assumed he was training in heaven/a related area. So, because time passes differently there, while it may have only been a few months since Sam and Dean last saw Cas, I operated under the assumtion that it had been far longer since Cas had seen Sam and Dean. Also, I'm pretending that Cas wrote everyday, but I only gave you snippets because 365 entries would have been kind of ridiculous ... Anyway, what did you think? Review! Also, if anyone wants to rant about Goodbye Stranger, I'm up for it!