1:55
Urei Sachi
"I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive…
Baby to you all I am
Is the invisible man…"
-Invisible Man, 98 degrees
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UM five or ten-minute fic on Yuta. (If ate Aya ever reads this I'll be damned) A 'what if Nina chose to be with the prince' type of fic... Sad, sad, sad...
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†1:55†
1:55. It was always the same. Day in, day out, one would expect a much-repeated schedule in Yuta's life, because it was at this time that he had chosen to lock himself up in his room for five minutes. It was also at this time that the gossiping maids would choose to press their ears against the door to his room without his knowledge. Sometimes, they would hear nothing. Just the sound of his heavy, labored, and somewhat forced breathing, as if he was trying to tell himself that he was alive, that he was still there. Sometimes, they would hear him crying- something he would not want them to know about. His sobs were various. Sometimes, he would cry loudly, cursing the world and himself, then they would die into soft whimpers. Sometimes, he would cry without a word.
On the rare occasion that he would suddenly laugh, it would send shivers down their backs and confuse them greatly. For was this not Yuta who was always loud and cheery and obnoxious? He would not have any reason to cry, one maid once commented, and Nina's grandfather replied by saying that this proved how little they knew of the Yuta underneath the arrogant exterior.
Only Maya knew why he would undergo this excruciating habit, having heard him in his sleep or realizing at one point when she was younger, and he was younger, and all of them where younger, why he did the things he did. Maya felt that the others didn't need to know, and Yuta appreciated that, in a way. A simple fleeting glance filled with gratitude was all Maya needed to keep her silence.
Or perhaps it was because Maya was, in a way, facing the same dilemma. Unlike Yuta, though, she had not kept it bottled up inside her. There were too many circumstances, too many evidences for her to be discreet. Especially since the whole uncharacteristic conversation a few weeks back, a few days after the 'Nina and the prince' incident.
He knew Maya was in love with the prince.
And now...
There was nothing. Nothing to do, nothing to feel but pain, nothing to think about as they sat down, still poignant about the whole thing. They weren't drunk yet, but they wished they would be, even though they had a reason to rejoice then.
It was Nina's wish that she would suceed, after all. And it was granted. It wouldn't have mattered to him, Yuta guessed, if he was unhappy about the whole thing as long as Nina was happy (which she was). So he would say nothing, because she would be unhappy if she found out he was unhappy and indulging himself in bottles of rum and a lot of other things Yuta couldn't remember. Then, the least disturbed person of all voiced out his thoughts as he stared at them both, delicate eyebrow raised.
"Why?"
Yuta was surprised, thinking that it was him that Tsujiai was asking, but he realized just in time that he had asked Maya and not him.
Maya didn't respond.
She just sat there, staring at the beer can she was holding, waves of emotions flickering in those tragically beautiful dull eyes of hers. Through the haze, Yuta vaguely heard her answer of "why not?". There was a sound of feet taking brisk steps, a slam of the door, and finally silence. Reverse psychology, Tsujiai had whispered softly, and Yuta wondered whether or not it was Tsujiai whose voice continued to haunt her.
Why?
Though, really, he could never answer that without lying.
So he went on with his life, watching from afar, and when the wedding came, he planned not to go. But that pleading look Nina gave him made him want to shoot himself then and there because he knew he would give in.
He promised himself when he watched the bride and groom be wed that he wouldn't go crazy and banish the guy to kingdom come. Beside him, he thought Maya looked rather lovely in her bride's maid gown, and the anger and frustration she was feeling was kept inside her, locked away to hopefully decay. It was convincing enough, but seeing that he was Yuta Kirishima who noticed things faster than a normal person would, he wasn't swayed like Nina.
Yuta never wanted to hurt anybody more than he wanted to hurt the groom at that moment.
"... speak now, or forever hold you peace..." It took all of his will power to keep his feet on the floor, to not stand up and say 'I object!' and make a big scene over the whole thing. It was probably the second greatest effort of his life- no, of his and Maya's life, to keep their silence.
They didn't cave in. They were stronger than that. They had had practiced self-control and secrecy for their whole lives.
So why was it so hard to do it?
It wasn't so hard before.
So why did it hurt so much to not speak out?
Why did it hurt to set the one you loved free?
And Yuta could only watch and wait as he gripped Maya's hand in his, holding on to her as if he was afraid to let go because he might lash out at them and ruin the happiest moment of Nina's life. And Maya in turn could only close her eyes and force herself to smile, wishing with all her might that this was just another dream that her wicked, wicked mind conjured.
Maya caught sight of Yuta's watch when she lowered her head in defeat.
1:55.
The kiss was the worst moment and the biggest challenge of his life.
He would have to let go of Nina then.
But he couldn't.
And neither could he let go of Maya's hand.
He heard Maya whimper as she buried her face on his shoulders, trying to block out the whispers of the bride's maid crying for joy. Oh, they were pompous, abhorrent creatures! It was so overbearing of them to assume that she was happy, and to tell her not to cry because of gladness. Because right now she was anything but glad.
She cursed them all to hell.
She felt Yuta loosen his hold on her, and she looked up at him, salty tears efficiently brushed away with his thumb.
"It's over." He said, and he felt himself crumbling as he stared at the blushing couple, voice hoarse and devoid of any feeling other than hopelessness.
The moment of truth was finished.
They had both survived.
Yuta looked at his watch and he could feel his senses go numb as he stood up to walk out of the church and out of Sakura Nina's life completely.
2:00.
The five minute torture was over, but the nagging feeling of loss and hatred was not.
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END
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What? I was bored. O.o
Review?
(and if you're another flamer who insults me just because of the pairing, well… screw you.)