(A/N: Okiie! This is the saru's very fist ficceh! dun dun dun. Okay, so I'm sitting here with a bag of chex-mix and I am ready to write! Enjoy! )
Rating: PG : Mild cursing...fluffiness!
Pairing: Sanzo x Goku
Genre: Songfic
Summary: When memories begin to haunt the dreams on Genjyo Sanzo and Son Goku, the monkey ponders if his master really does care and if he is even wanted by the one he loves most. His sun. ( - - ; )
Sanzo's POV
The blood dripping down through my fingers, all over me, then blood of my master. Just me, holding the corpse of the only one I ever cared about, my hands stained with the blood of my only one. I shot up from my sleeping form, short, tattered breaths escaping my lips as I felt the person next to me begin to stir.
"Sanzo? You okay?" He said sleepishly; with eyes half lidded. He shook me slightly when I gave no reply. "Sanzo! Hey, answer me!" He said in that rough, caring voice. It was then when woke up from my daze.
"hmm...Its-- Its nothing, monkey...go back to bed." I said as I turned on my side, so my back was to his face.
Goku and I have been living together for several months, after finally stopping the revival of Gyumaoh. Gojyo and Hakkai had also decided to live together, so they could go back to the way things used to be. It was different with me and the monkey though. Back when we lived in Chang an', neither one of us was really "free", but now we were happy and we found our own ways to find true freedom and true happiness. We had recently "expressed" our true feelings to each other, and scince then this nightmare insists on haunting me, and causing pain to the one in closest to me.I think the only thing thats keeping me from going insane, is that stupid chimp. We've gotten used to each other's company, and he makes me feel more normal, and sometimes creates the kind of feeling that makes me think that I am finally home.
you make me feel like I am home again.
Whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am whole again.
When we were traveling on our journey west, to stop the revival of Gyumaoh, I was an asshole...and I knew it. I was afraid. Afraid to get close to anyone, because I couldn't bear to lose them. This though and that dream have started up again, when me and Goku began living together. I wondered if it was a sign, or if it was just a mental thought. I've also chosen not to mention this to him, but I know he senses somethings wrong. And there is.
The problem was him. I could have easily shunned him, and ignored him like I did the others, but my will refused to. Goku was different from other people...or demons at that. He always put me in front of himself, and always made sure I was okay. He cared. I think the biggest part, may be that scince we've started living together, I have even began to smile.
you make me feel like i am young again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am fun again
"Hey, Sanzo?" He called while turning to face me back.
"What Goku?" I said with a slight touch of annoyance in my voice.
"I had that dream again..." I looked up. I was...I was worried, as he began to speak.
"I was trapped on that stupid mountain, and you came...you stared at me for hours. I was screaming your name, and you just stood there and looked at me. Then you left, by yourself. I called louder and louder and you still continued walking away..." He looked up with those big gold eyes. " You just...left." He said, whispering the last word.
I responded with a worthless "Hn." and turned my back on him, again...
' He had to bring it up...'I thought.
" I know you've been having that dream too." He said as he turned to me and wrapped his arms around me. I turned around in one quick motion, slightly tensed, and had a questioning look on my face.
" I...I know--"
"What! What do you know about it?! Nothing. Just stay the hell away from me and my personal memories! Don't act like you know me! You don't know what I went through. Just shut the fuck up, stay outta' my life, and I wont bother with yours! I hate you...you worthless chimp." His eyes widened bigger and bigger until they began flooding with tears...I was speechless. Regretting every word that had just flown from my mouth. He grabbed his pillow, and stood up, tears still streaming down his cheecks.
However long I stay I will always love you.
Whatever words I say I will always love you.
I will always love you.
Goku's POV
'Don't let him see you cry, don't cry in front of him...' I kept repeating that in my head, until I reached our small living room, and sat down on the couch. I placed the pillow down, but still sat up. I glanced over at the clock in the kitchen, 4:08am. The sun would be rising soon, so I went outside, and stood on the porch. The ground was cold compared to the warmth of the bed, and Sanzo, but I needed to loosen up a little bit, and sort some things out. I knew Sanzo was having that dream again, and I knew that he wasn't going to say anything about it to me. But he wasn't the only one with problems. I was having my own dreams, my own nightmares! It's not that I didn't understand him, he didn't understand me!
He didn't know how it felt to be alone, he didn't know how it felt to be dirty, and all he did know was what it felt like to lose someone. Thats what I feel like right now. Sanzo always insults me, he doesn't usually say anything remotley "nice", but thats not what I ever expected from him. I love him for who he is, and I am not going to try and change him.
you make me feel like I am free again.
Whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am clean again.
The sun was beginning to rise and I was wide awake by now. I stretched my arms over my head, and rolled my neck a few times. It was a warm morning. I was wearing a white T-shirt, and some black shorts, so I felt okay...I hadn't been thinking about Sanzo for over a half an hour, but that just ruined it I guess. I sighed, contemplating whether to go back inside, instead I just stood there thinking about the sun. My sun.
Sanzo's POV
I tossed and turned in my bed, for well over an hour. I was unable to forget those words. 'I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!' They repeated in my mind.
"Dammit!" I cursed aloud. I swung my legs over the side of the bed lazily. After pacing around the room for a good 5 minutes, I pulled on some jeans and wandered into the living room.
"Goku..." I called out in a low tone. No response. Fuck...'He probobly hates me...but enough to run away?' I thought. "Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit..." I cursed aloud not caring who heard. Then I saw it. The sillohouet of a well built, teenage, boy standing on the porch. That could only be one person. My monkey. I walked to the door, and poked my head through, only to reveal Goku...he looked different this morning. He looked radiant. He turned his head at the sound of the door opening. He said nothing. I advanced towards him, and wrapped my arms around him from behind.
"Goku...I'm...I'm--" Nothing came out.
"You're sorry?" He said abruptly.
"...Ch." Was all I responded with. We both looked forward, as a sudden gleam of light hit us.
"I love you Sanzo." He said looking up. I kissed the top of his head, and he stood there, no words, no movements, just the undying love for a demon and a monk.
However long I stay I will always love you.
Whatever words I say I will always love you.
I will always love you.
(A/N: Well, holy poop on a stick! I don't think that was half bad for my first ficceh ever...please review, because I needs me some inspiration! Thank you so much for reading! )