5:14pm
NumberUnknown: if you came home with super expensive ice cream, I would love you forever
5:20pm
Hermione: excuse me?
5:23pm
NumberUnknown: come on, I'm begging you here. I set my boss on fire, I'm needing some comfort food.
5:25pm
Hermione: who is this?
5:26pm
NumberUnknown: you mean... you aren't Hermione?
5:29pm
Hermione: no, no I'm not. I think you must have the wrong number.
5:32pm
NumberUnknown: oh, sorry dude. My roommate just got a new phone, must've gotten it down wrong.
5:35pm
NotHermione: it's perfectly fine, no worries. I've got to run, I hope you get your ice cream.
5:37pm
NumberUnknown: thanks man!
...
7:10pm
NotHermione: alright, it's been bugging me all day, how did you set your boss on fire and not also have the words 'I got fired' included that sentence?
7:15pm
NumberUnknown: you really want to know?
7:18pm
NotHermione: god yes.
7:21pm
NumberUnknown: well, I work for the I6, it's kind of a common occurrence for him. So he just shrugged it off and sent me home to get some sleep.
7:23pm
NotHermione: but how did you do it? I assume you didn't just wonder what would happen if you held a lighter to his shirt?
7:26pm
NumberUnknown: ah, no. I was playing around in the weapons department and there was this... fire pen.
7:28pm
NotHermione: are you serious?
7:30pm
NumberUnknown: very, and I got neither fired nor suspended, I'm very proud. Didn't get ice cream though. :(
7:32pm
NotHermione: if I were you I wouldn't be so worried about ice cream
7:33pm
NotHermione: then again I've never set my boss on fire, I rarely even speak to the man.
7:36pm
NumberUnknown: obviously you don't understand the magical powers of ice cream. You must live a very sad life.
7:40pm
NotHermione: I do live a sad life, but I'm fairly sure it's not because of the absence of ice cream.
7:42pm
NumberUnknown: see, you're only fairly sure, that means it could be your lack of ice cream, you'd never know
7:45pm
NotHermione: I change my mind, I'm actually quite sure. Really definitely sure. No doubt, not at all.
7:47pm
NumberUnknown: now that's just arrogant. No wonder your so down on your life.
7:50pm
NotHermione: yes, I'm going to stop talking to you now. Have a good night and don't set anyone on fire
...
-the next night-
9:02pm
NumberUnknown: hey random stranger I met via text
9:10pm
NotHermione: hello.
9:12pm
NumberUnknown: I'm really only texting you so I look like I have friends at this party.
9:15pm
NotHermione: don't look up, if you look up they'll come and try talk to you
9:16pm
NotHermione: here's something to make you laugh, one of my patients just told me that she didn't need a cast because jesus would heal her broken leg.
9:17pm
NumberUnknown: you just made me spit my beer out onto the carpet.
9:18pm
NumberUnknown: my boss is looking at me funny
9:18pm
NumberUnknown: I blame you for this
9:22pm
NotHermione: I feel it my duty, you're welcome.
9:24pm
NumberUnknown: Hermione's here, gtg, talk to you later
9:25pm
NotHermione: I have no idea what that means, but have a good night