Liquid Fire

Chapter One: Survival's Guilt

The moon shone bright on the tranquil sea. Elizabeth Swann lay in her bed, staring out at the ocean, which looked like the moon's rays turned to liquid. She was lost in thought. Today had been the one-month anniversary of the death of her love…Captain Jack Sparrow. If this death wasn't enough, what tortured her more, tortured her every second of every day, was that his death was her fault. She turned over in her bed to face the wall of her bedroom, telling herself not to think about that, but also subconsciously knowing that it was inevitable. Partly because of today's date, and partly because of the nightmares that always plagued her…. No, NO. Don't think about that! She almost begged herself. But even as she tried to stop thinking about it, she knew it was a wasted effort. She would have the nightmares again, just as she always did….

She knew this was true…so why try to avoid the unavoidable? By bringing the thoughts on, she would hurt herself more, but didn't she deserve it? She had killed the one that she loved in a selfish moment. Strange, how one moment…one minute in time…could change the future so drastically. She closed her eyes. As always his face appeared. She felt her heart make a painful throb, but she imagined those final moments one more time….They were the only thing keeping her alive….

She fell into the nightmare almost immediately. It was always the same one. Always the same memory….

The crew ran around, getting ready to abandon ship, as part of some outside world. The only two people that mattered were herself, and Jack.

She made her way to him. "Thank you, Jack." She said. In her mind she caressed his name. Jack….

"We're not free yet, love." He replied. Elizabeth took note of his worried expression, and a stab of pity shot through her. Jack really loved this ship….

She was silent for a moment, trying to build the strength, the immense internal strength, to follow through with her plan. She hated that it had to be this way, but she couldn't think of any other way. She was fortune's fool.

Then, finally, she said "You came back. I always knew you were a good man." And she meant it. She had always known that Jack had good in him. Today, he had truly shown it. He had originally tried to save his own life, and left the crew to fight the Kraken. However, that good streak in him had won, and he had come back to hold off the Kraken once more. She walked closer to him, butterflies building in her stomach. This would be the most enjoyable part of the plan. She moved forward even more-and kissed him.

At once, she felt the butterflies grow largely. She had to fight back a smile, she loved this. She loved his dry, salty, lips that tasted strongly of rum. She loved him. The words broke past all the boundaries she had put it behind. I love you, I love you! She thought. She only wished she could tell him. She kissed him more and more passionately, walking him backwards. She kept her plan in the back of her mind, hating herself, but also at the same time enjoying the forbidden kiss.

Somewhere in the outside world, she heard Gibbs say "Prepare to cast off, there's no time to lose! Come on Will, step to!" Her stomach dropped a little. This kiss would have to end very soon, and her plan would have to go through. She walked him back just a little further. She felt him hit the post. She quietly moved her hands downward and grabbed a handcuff. I hate myself for doing this, but there's no other way….she thought briefly. She kept telling herself there was no other way as she snapped the handcuff around one of his wrists with a loud clank.

She was sure her face was full of hatred as he smiled his roguish smile, but it certainly wasn't meant for him. She hated herself for doing this to him. Hated herself so much….She trailed her hand slowly from the cuff, along his hand, and down to her side.

"It's after you, not the ship. It's not us. This is the only way, don't you see?" More than once her eyes moved down to his lips, then up to his eyes again. Would she kiss him again? Could she? She moved forward more. No, don't. She thought. You already surrendered to him once, and what about Will? "I'm not sorry." She said, trying to convince herself more than him, really. She moved forward just a tiny bit more before remembering that one kiss was all she could give him. One kiss, before he died.

She shook off the thought, as he said one word with incredible meaning. "Pirate." She stayed for a second more, absorbing the full meaning of that small word. She had surrendered herself to him by kissing him. But also, by killing him without any remorse (on the outside anyways) she had acted like a pirate.

She wanted to say that she did feel sorry for it, that she wasn't truly acting like a pirate, not exactly in the way that he thought anyways, but that was out of the question. Instead, she turned and ran to the longboat. Away from the Pearl, away from love, away from life, away from…everything….

She got into the longboat and felt someone help her down. She sat down and almost immediately heard Will say, "Where's Jack?"

The tone of his voice made her look at him. He knows. She thought at once. He knows I kissed Jack. The look he was giving her gave it away. She couldn't quite describe it. Disappointment? Loss? Betrayal? A combination of the three? Or more? What was it? She mulled it over for a second, then remembered the question he'd asked her. Her mind worked furiously to come up with an answer that wasn't exactly a lie. Soon she managed to choke out "He decided to stay behind to give us a chance." The crew looked to at the ship in unison. Everyone but Will. He stared at Elizabeth with the same indescribable look in his eyes. She looked back sadly.

The crew began to row the longboat away from the Pearl slowly. It tortured her. It was so agonizing that she yelled out "GO!" The crew gave her a startled look, then started to row the longboat faster. They rowed far away, each second tearing Elizabeth apart more and more. She hoped her face was the emotionless mask she meant it to be.

Soon (although it seemed like hours later) they were far away enough to watch the destruction of the Pearl-and its Captain. They stopped the boat, and turned back to watch with grief. Grief turned to horror as massive tentacles wound their way up the sides of the ship. They were incredibly long, curling all the way to the top of the mast. The Pearl was slowly pulled down from the bottom. Elizabeth was briefly glad her hair has hiding her expression and that the crew's focus was not on her. If the crew looked sad, she looked ten times worse. They all watched as the tentacles wrapped more and more around the ship, and pulled it down into the watery depths of the ocean. Elizabeth fought back tears as her love was pulled down to his watery grave….

And she woke up in a cold sweat. She wasn't sure if she was crying, or if more sweat was just rolling down her cheeks. She got up to wash her face off, avoiding her own eyes in the mirror. She didn't want to see the dead look that she knew they would have. They'd been this way ever since….She shrugged the thought off and held some water in cupped hands. She watched it trickle out a few times, lost in thought, then finally snapped out of it and splashed the icy water on her face.

She glanced back at her bed. She couldn't go back and risk falling back into the nightmare, or, even worse, starting the whole nightmare over again. Instead, she walked gracefully over to the door of her room, and opened it. A gust of cold air came in, but she ignored it. She walked out into the dark night, looking up at the crescent moon and the stars. It was cloudy, as it had been all day. She sighed, and walked over to the railing of the ship. Staring out at the peaceful sea, she sat down. She became lost in thought, and eventually her breathing eased and her eyelids shut.