A New Direction
Shepard paced outside of the office door on the second level of the Normandy. She had worn the tread outside that door so many times before but this time was different. This time she had no idea what was waiting on the other side. Mustering all her courage Shepard approached the door and raised a calloused hand to knock. The Commander stopped suddenly and looked at her fist shaped hand, raised in the air.
I'm the Commander of this ship why the hell am I knocking she thought. As she stared at her hand she wondered why she had even raised it. She had never knocked before. She stood outside the door alcove, berating herself as the door to Miranda Lawson's office slid open.
"Commander." greeted the XO from a chair near the porthole. Shepard lowered her hand and resumed her customary track to her XOs desk which was littered with dozens of data pads and files the likes of which the Commander had never seen. Shepard could not recall ever seeing her XOs desk anything but tidy and orderly. The chaotic mess before her undoubtedly an indication of the discussion about to come.
Shepard moved to the Normandy's porthole and looked out over the vast expanse of the Sheoul system in the Hades Nexus cluster. The Normandy wasn't travelling quickly, she had nowhere to be and the Commander had not ordered a destination. She simply flew a lazy trail through the stars while the crew repaired her systems and tested her operational capability following the heavy damage she took at the Collector base.
Shepard shuddered as she recalled the last few minutes of that suicide mission. Her crew had followed her without question, without doubt, without regret. She admired their loyalty and wondered why it was so easy for them to give. Why did she deserve it? She didn't always bring them back. She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering the loss of Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko on Virmire. No one understood the true pain she felt in losing a soldier who had been so close to her. Alenko had been her ear to the ground, her eyes on the deck. He helped her with moral decisions and choices no single person should have the right to make. And he did this to his dying breath, advising the Commander to leave him behind on Virmire and rescue Operations Chief Ashley Williams. Shepard allowed the memory to fade. Turning to face her XO the Commander opened her eyes and for the second time that morning Shepard froze.
Cerberus Operative Miranda Lawson was meticulous about everything in a way that only Miranda Lawson could be. In the months before the Collector base mission she had personally managed to piss off two thirds of the crew and logged no fewer than 27 Service Standard Failure reports recommending that crew members be reprimanded, all yet to be endorsed by Shepard. The Commander had relied on Miranda's intelligence and superior awareness on the battlefield. Shepard did not want to admit that she was in awe of this woman. She had never confided just how much she appreciated the work Miranda did. The political and organisational battles she fought, the morale and personal issues she dealt with, all so that the Commander could focus on the most important mission at hand. Today, that mission was Miranda Lawson.
Shepard stared at her XO, but where she once was in awe she found herself feeling sorrow. Miranda sat in the observation chair looking out of the Normandy porthole. Except that wasn't what it looked like to Shepard. Shepard saw her XO sprawled haphazardly across the chair staring blankly into space. A few unruly strands of hair obscured Miranda's eyes from Shepard's view but alerted the commander that something was definitely wrong.
Shepard motioned to the door which appeared to magically open unsummoned.
"How did you..er?"
Without a word Miranda turned her head slightly and nodded to a small electronic device in the alcove above the door.
"Of course" muttered Shepard. The Commander caught only a glimpse of Miranda's face but it was all she needed. In a flash she had noted Miranda's uncharacteristically ragged appearance and the despair in her eyes. Instinctively she moved behind the XO's chair. Summoning her courage Shepard addressed her XO.
"I feel I need to point out that you have failed to submit a Service Standard Failure Report of significance Miss Lawson."
Miranda ignored her. Shepard watched as her eyes lowered and a thin handpicked at a thread that dared to free itself from the woman's skin tight uniform.
"I fear I would be neglecting my own duties if I did not point out your error and have you rectify it immediately."
Miranda sighed, finally acknowledging the Commander's presence.
"Who?" she muttered.
"It's for me." breathed Shepard. Stepping behind the XOs chair she placed a hand on either shoulder and gently massaged the back of Miranda's neck with her thumbs. Miranda tensed. "I think I have been neglecting the most important member of my crew." she coo'd. "The one person I really can't do anything without." Miranda's shoulder muscles loosened slowly as Shepard kneaded her with her thumbs, pressing gently then harder to remove the tension she had carried for so many months.
"And who would that be?" she asked, her voice grating the very bones that reached out to soothe her.
Shepard didn't take the bait. She turned the chair around, forcing the XO to acknowledge her. Bending down on one knee, the Commander placed her palms on Miranda's warm, white cheeks and lifted her head to face her. Miranda tried to avert her eyes but succeeded only in alerting Shepard to a single tear that found its way into the Commander's palm. "Miri," Shepard breathed. "I'm here. And I am not going anywhere without you." Miranda pulled herself away, hiding her shame behind frail looking arms and cowering into the chair. "Go away." she spluttered.
Shepard reached out and took hold of Miranda's arms, pulling her upright in the chair as she clasped the XO's hands together and brought them to her lips. She kissed them softly and tenderly for several minutes. There was no hurry. Miranda calmed and turned to face the Commander. A rush of red flashed in her cheeks as she saw that Shepard was not wearing her dress uniform, but was rather casually attired in dark slacks and a blue shirt. Shepard noticed her reaction. "You like? I thought since we were neither Alliance nor Cerberus anymore we could dispense with those uniforms." A hint of a smile crossed Miranda's face.
"Kelly is going to need your size."
"Why would I need a new uniform?" snapped Miranda.
"Because you are part of this crew."
"Am I?" hissed Miranda. "I'm not Alliance, and since leaving Cerberus the Illusive Man no doubt has ordered me shot on sight, so I fail to see the significance of a uniform change."
"It would seem," soothed Shepard, pulling the XO up out of her chair and wrapping firm arms around her waist "That you have failed to see the significance of a number of things of late."
The Commander tucked the strand of unruly hair that dared to defy Miranda Lawson behind her ear and leaned in to embrace her XO. Squeezing her gently she whispered softly in her ear "You are not lost Miri. You will always have a place on the Normandy by my side. It says so right here." She broke the embrace and pointed to a cloth patch on the right shoulder of her uniform shirt. Miranda's curiosity got the better of her and her eyes followed Shepard's motion and she found the reason for the remark. The new crew badge bore a likeness of the Normandy and etched proudly on each side of the ship were the names of the ship's Commanders – Shepard and Lawson.
Miranda gasped. She felt so stupid. She had locked herself away from Shepard, the crew, her life, waiting for what seemed like an inevitable end. Embarrassed by her appearance and demeanour, she apologised profusely and tried to excuse herself from the Commander's presence.
"Uhuh," coo'd Shepard. "I told you, I am not going anywhere."
"Shepard." Miranda started to voice her protest.
"And now that you are a Commander of this ship it is a requirement for the purpose of morale that you address all senior staff by their first names."
Miranda cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow? She knew the answer but asked the question anyway. She was used to the Commander's games. "And where does it say that?"
"Right here." grinned the Commander, pointing at the patch above her breast pocket which read CMDR. SANDRA SHEPARD.
-END-