Cuts of the Heart.
Summery- Vince tries to tell Howard he loves him, with disasterous results. Rated 'T' for suicide attempt.
Disclaimer- I do not own the boosh, Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett do.
Author's Notes- Deadicated for Jamie and stars of andromeda for their excellent angst stories :) This chapter will be told in Vince's P.O.V, sorry if this offends anyone.
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I can't remember when I fell in love with Howard, probably when we first met in school all those years ago. I was the shy first timer who plucked up the courage to ask him where the art class was, and he was the one who offered me some sweets his mother packed him, and then a friendship was formed. Growing up together, feelings started to grow in me for the jazz mavarick as I notised cute little things about him- the way his small, brown eyes whould shine with joy whenever jazz was playing, the way his smile streched whenever someone actually complimented him for him.
And now, I love him more then ever. Like hell was I ever going to tell him, straight as a ruler he is, but I have to try. I'm gonna tell him tonight, but if he rejects me, I dunno..
In my bedroom, I gaze around my room at all my stuff. Posters and magazines featuring famous bands littered my floor and walls, pictures and paintings I made colourfully grinning down at me. My large wardrobe sat over by one wall, with a vainty table next to it, covered in make-up, aftershave and hair-products. I know I only wear this stuff to impress Howard and get him to notise me, and so far it hasn't really worked, but tonight I'll make it more special.
As I explored my wardrobe, I pulled out my tightest, skinny black jeans, the ones that just fastened around my tiny waist but still left little to the imagination. Then my dark blue, silk shirt came out next, the one Howard got me for my last birthday, and finally a pair of black, high heeled boots.
Time for the bathroom, I think.
As I gaze into the mirror in my bathroom, I place on my black mascara, making my lashes more longer and fuller. Then I apply on some rouge on my high cheekbone to bring colour to my pale skin, then pink, cherry lipgloss is placed on my pouting, full lips. Then I placed a generous amount of Root-booster on my raven hair, making it fluffier and higher. Sexy isn't even a truer word for me tonight.
Once I decleared myself god enough, I made my way slowly downstairs, nerves eating away at me. They slowly went as I heard the sounds of slow jazz playing in the front room, I smiled as I saw Howard sitting down on the sofa, a smile on his face, his eyes closed in relaxation "Alright, Howard?" I ask.
I supress a laugh as he jumped from his position "Vince, don't scare me out of my jazz trance, I keep telling you"
"Sorry, mate. Wanna cup of tea?" I ask, nerves started to drift away slowly as he smiled and nodded yes. I went over to the kitchen area and popped two tea bags into two worn mugs, one brown and the other glittery blue (No prizes in guessing whos is whos) and flipped on the kettle, my hands still shaking slightly.
Howard must have notises this cause he came over and rested his hand on my shoulder "You alright, Vince?"
"Yeah, course I am. Just a bit nervous about tonight that's all" I replied, hoping he wouldn't guess the truth yet. He just gave me a small smile and tightened his hand slightly and let go, that simple gesture pulled at my heart, a rush of heat running down my body to an obvious area, but maybe not to him.
"Why? You going out tonight then?" He asks, a strange feeling could be heard in his voice. Could it be...jealousy? Nah, not Howard.
"Nah, I thought that I'd..." I couldn't stand it any longer and launched myself at him, placing my lips on his gently as he jumped and squeaked in fright. I thought I was doing it wrong until I felt a slight touch of his tounge on my lips, so I opened up and allowed him entrance. The kiss was getting interesting until Howard pushed me away.
"Vince...I..." My heart broke as I watched him back away and run towards the stairs, slamming the door behind him. I sank to my knees on the kitchen floor, the silent uncomfortable until I burst out into tears. Because of some stupid feelings, I've lost my friendship with the only person who ever truely knew me, all about me. My past, my secrets and now he's gone, probably never coming back. I've scared him away, it's my fault.
My face became damp and I knew my mascara had probably ran down my cheeks, leaving blacks streaks but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything else anymore, the most important thing in my life have left, maybe he'll never forgive me, never look at me again. I couldn't live with that.
As I stumbled upstairs to my bedroom, I thought of all the good times me and Howard have had since school, and I ruined all those years of friendship just to see if my feelings could be returned. I was wrong and never believed it properly true, and now look what's happened.
I curled onto my bed for awhile, crying into my pillow until I felt empty and hollow, nothing left inside to care about. I then went into the bathroom, washing my face from its mask and looked down at the razor by the sink, the silver glistening deadly, but tempting in the light of the bathroom. I picked it up and went back into my bedroom, curling up onto the covers once more.
I then thought back to the kiss, he did kiss back, he did. But he might have done it to see if he wanted me, but the look of sadness and slight disgust on his face when he pulled away told otherwise. Why did I have to come on to him that strongly, that quickly? I just wanted to know so badly...
I slid my finger along the sharp edge, wincing as it stung as the metal cut inside my skin and flesh. I lifted it up to the light and watched as the blood dripped down the digit, actually enjoying the way it took the pain away. Knowing I had nothing Left to live for, I place it over my wrist and slid it across, watching as the crimson fluid dripped from the wound until I felt darkness taking me in its peace.
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I'm sorry to leave it here, but I wanted to hehe i'm again sorry if this offends anyone, but this is my first attempt at this sort of angst lol please read and review from chugirl2526.