Hello everyone!

So, I started writing this one-shot back in May but I never finished it at the time. Well now, here I am and I've finished it.

It's been seven years without Elliot Stabler. Olivia is reflecting on the memories - the good and the bad - of their 12 year partnership. Even though it's been seven years, she still misses him terribly.

Flashbacks are in italics!

Enjoy xoxo

Seven Years [ONESHOT]

Olivia's P.O.V.

May 17, 2018.

The date on my computer captures my attention; I freeze mid type, pausing from finishing an email to my bosses at One Police Plaza. I hadn't realized the date all day, but for some reason, my gaze has flickered to the corner of my computer screen and now I was realizing it. I've been feeling a little depressed throughout the day but continued to attribute those feelings to being tired considering we've been working for the last three days to close an abduction-rape case. However, now I know that these feelings run deeper than I have realized. I know the body reacts differently to trauma and that our body clocks are more prone to tell when we are growing closer to dates of significance in our lives – whether good or bad. It seems that my body clock knows exactly what today is and has released a slew of sad emotions to wash over me today.

May 17.

Today, it has been seven years since I last saw him.

I try to not to think about him too much anymore. Though it has been seven years, I still have those moments where if I think about him for too long, I can feel an actual pain shoot through my chest as if a knife is being plunged into my heart. I have not been angry with him for years now; the anger dissipated after about year three and turned to just sadness and longing. I long to know where he is and what he is doing. Some days, I have found myself driving towards the bridge to go into Queens, to see if maybe he is still at the marital home he shares with his wife. Hell, I wonder if he is even still married. I wonder how the children are doing, especially little Eli, whom – up until he cut me out of his life – I seemed to have a great relationship with as I was his 'Auntie Livie'.

I just wonder what my old partner is up to.

I removed the black rimmed glasses from my eyes and place them onto the desk. I then place my head in my hands, massaging my temples. I am grateful for the fact that the door to my office is closed and the blinds are closed. The last thing I need is for my detectives to look into this room and wonder if I am alright. I certainly do not need them to come in here and ask the question because honestly, now that I know the date, I have no idea if I even am okay.

I close my eyes, reflecting on the years I spent with him by my side – the ups and the downs. Memories begin to hit me like waves crashing angrily against a shoreline. I remember when I first met him;

"Ah, Detective Benson – meet your new partner." My captain, Donald Cragen, gestures for me to follow him. With a heavy box in my arms – the things from my desk at my old precinct – I eagerly follow him across the squad room. I have already met the older male detective, John Munch, the quirky and fun female detective, Monique Jeffries, and the laid back yet kind of funny detective, Brian Cassidy. However, it was clear that my partner was not any of these individuals, but a tall, strong man whom was standing beside the coffee machine.

"Detective," Cragen's voice causes the man to look up, and I am immediately swept away by the brightest blue eyes ever, "This is your new partner, Detective Olivia Benson; Detective Benson, this is Elliot Stabler, your partner."

"Pleased to meet you." He speaks as he sticks his hand out. I grasp his hand and give it a firm shake; I feel the electricity shoot between us. His voice is rough yet warm, a feeling of safety instantly closes around me as I stand in his presence.

Little did I know, how important this man would become to me…

I remember one of the first times he comforted me;

I stand in the funeral home, looking around at former students and colleagues of my mother. Tears brim in my eyes as I look at the grey casket covered in flowers and a picture of her. I feel hurt and sad; she died because she drunkenly fell down a flight of stairs, and all this time, I thought she had gotten her alcoholism under control.

Addiction is one hell of a sickness, clearly.

I feel a presence behind me, soon followed by a warm hand on my back. I don't even have to turn around right away; I already know who it is.

"Anything I can do for you?" his voice is gentle, is tone full of concern.

I look up at him, my browns melting into his blues. I shake my head, taking a deep breath before looking up at him and uttering;

"I feel like such an idiot."

"Don't," his voice his firm, yet still laced with concern as a calloused hand gently rubs up and down my back and to my neck, "Listen, if you need to talk later, I'm here for you."

Words fail me; I cannot find anything else to say as tears slip down my cheeks. As he pulls me to him and I wrap my arms around his middle, I come to realize that I am alone, literally now considering I have no family. Sensing this, I feel a pair of lips softly kiss my temple and a voice whisper;

"I'm always here, Liv; partners forever, I got you."

I remember the night in my apartment, seeing him break for the first time over his marriage;

"I just don't get it, Liv; she just walked away – twenty years and she threw it away," he was shaking his head as he relaxed on my sofa, "Twenty fucking years, how the hell – what the hell – I'm a shitty husband."

"Hey, don't you dare say that," I immediately place a hand on his knee, "Elliot, not many people can handle what we see everyday so I understand you not taking your work home with you, but you did the best you could; don't ever say you're a shitty husband."

"Clearly I did something wrong; she left and took my reasons for getting up everyday." He was broken, sitting up to rest his elbows on his knees as he held his hand in his head.

"Elliot, maybe you two just need time to work it out," I place a hand on his shoulder now, "Give her a couple days, then you two should talk – see if you can work something out."

I was pushing aside the strange feelings that were stirring within me. I had always fought for Elliot's marriage more than he did, and I refuse to let him give up now.

I watch as a couple tears drip down his cheeks; he sniffles as he looks at the ground. I rub my hand up and down his back, before being taken aback when he turns to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

"How could she just go like this, Liv? I just want things to be alright and not feel like such a screw up."

And with that, my partner began sobbing on my shoulder. I hold him, little tears slipping down my own cheeks. My heart breaks seeing him so broken. I simply press a light kiss to his temple, whispering to him the words he whispered to me a few years earlier;

"I'm always here, Elliot; partners forever, I've got you."

Little tears have filled my eyes, especially as the memory of the case that changed our whole partnership hits me like a wave;

The bus station is crowded, but I am running with Elliot not far behind. We get separated in the crowd, but I see the bastard, Gitano; we've been looking for him all day. He is holding one of the children we are looking for – the little girl - and I just hope I can get a shot to take him down without harming the innocent child.

I glance around; I see the little boy we are looking for but I can also see Elliot trying to get to him. I direct my attention back to the bastard we are trying to take down, getting as close to him as possible. With my gun drawn and ready to take a shot, I shout;

"Freeze!"

What happens next is a blur, a chaotic mess. He turns around; the little girl is being used as a shield. I hear the click of a knife, the blade gleams in the light. I cannot get a shot and his arm swings. Pain shoots through me, the force of what has happened knocks me over. I fall to the ground in a flash, my hand is on my neck as blood seeps from the gash. There is chaos all around us, but amongst the screams and sounds of shoes thudding against the marble floors as passengers run every which way, I can hear his voice;

"Move…Olivia!"

He's hovering over me in a flash, grabbing my coat as he mutters; "Oh my God…no…no."

I tell him that I'm okay and tell him to go, that I'll be fine. Unfortunately, when he reaches the top of the stairs, Gitano has slit the little boy's throat and left him bleeding on the pavement before taking off with the girl. I had no idea how effected both me and Elliot were, but especially Elliot. However, things came to a head later when we were in the precinct. Emotions were running high and our tempers had flared up.

"Hey…you got something to say to me? If so, let's hear it!"

He storms towards me, stopping when he's about an inch away; "Why didn't you shoot Gitano?"

"He was using the child as a shield."

"How could you let him get so close to you?"

"There were innocent civilians around, I couldn't get a shot."

"Well he got close and Ryan's dead."

I look at him in disbelief before uttering; "So this is my fault?"

He starts to storm off, still shouting over his shoulder at me; "I can't do this anymore; I can't be looking over my shoulder, making sure you're okay."

My temper is through the roof as I storm after him, shouting; "You son of a bitch, you know that's not true."

And when he whirls around and utters his next words, they take me by surprise;

"I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue!"

I want to cry, I want to punch him. I can't believe he said those words to me, and judging by the look on his face, he can't believe he said those words to me either.

Of course, Gitano hadn't been done wreaking havoc. A few hours later, when we had chased him down and cornered him in an abandoned warehouse, there was a struggle where Elliot dropped his gun and ended up with Gitano holding him hostage with a shot gun to his head. That was the moment where we were really fucked, the moment that still gives me chills to this day.

I raise my gun, pointing it at Gitano, trying to talk him down. Elliot is shouting for me to shoot him, telling me not to think about it and to just shoot him. However, when Gitano continues to taunt us, saying that he's gonna die and it'll be on my hands, I can't bring myself to pull that trigger. I continue to talk to him, trying to talk him down. He's a sociopath so really I know there's no use, but I just need to buy time.

But when he starts to taunt me, telling me that Elliot's gonna die and it'll be all my fault 'just like the little boy', I can't help the water that springs into my eyes. I try my best to keep my composure, but my body is starting to shake as guilt begins to consume me.

"Olivia, look at me…"

Elliot talks to me; my browns lock with his blues. Gitano is still talking, but my focus is on Elliot. He's telling me to take the shot, telling me not to 'make his mistake'. I wondered if he meant that saving me was a mistake, and guilt consumes me even further. But I simply utter; "I would've done the same thing" because I would have. I would've saved Elliot – for his kids, for me.

Elliot whispers to me that "it's alright", and I whisper that "I'm sorry"; subtly apologizing for everything, all the hell we had ever put each other through. I gaze into the blue orbs; he nods his head before closing his eyes. My finger is on the trigger, ready to squeeze.

The snipers intervene before I can, shooting Gitano in the head. Elliot's life is spared. I lower my weapon. We simply stand there and stare at each other for a moment. There are tears on my cheeks, Elliot's blue eyes are glistening with tears. We know this is deeper than even we realize. This went beyond the realms of the partnership.

I sigh slightly, closing my eyes at the memory. The conversation outside of little Rebecca Clifford's classroom will forever shake me to the core. Tears glisten in my eyes, I swallow as the memory swarms through my clouded mind;

"If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it, I know you would've taken that shot Olivia."

I turn to him, a perplexed expression on my face; "No I wouldn't have; did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? What about your kids?"

"I don't know," he sighs; "I just couldn't get that boy out of my head."

My voice drops to a whisper; "What about me?"

"Look, we both chose each other over the job, we can never let that happen again, otherwise," He pauses for a second, biting his lip before continuing, "Otherwise, we can't be partners."

Tears come to my eyes once again, blurring my vision as I utter; "I can't believe you're saying that."

"You and this job are about the only things I've got anymore, I don't wanna wreck that…"

He looks at me briefly before standing; "I couldn't take it."

I still remember that moment, how the next day I went into Cragen's office and asked for a new partner. Elliot's words had stuck with me throughout the whole night, and by the following afternoon, I had a brief transfer to computer crimes. Elliot and I's relationship had grown complicated to say the least, but it wasn't because we had been together too long. We both knew exactly what it was, but both of us were too stubborn to admit it. For me, it had happened long before – within the third year of our partnership. I was never sure when it happened for him, I am still not sure to this day. But, it happened, and we both knew it.

And that was also why I ran away to Computer Crimes.

I remember hearing that Elliot had been temporarily partnered up with Detective Lucius Blaine from Queens Special Victims Unit. I was two floors up in the Computer Crimes Unit when the infamous altercation happened between the two of them, but I knew that it was bad considering they were both hot heads. I took a break at the time and came downstairs to check on him, only to be pointed in the direction of the locker room by Fin – after he squeezed the life out of me of course.

I lean against the doorway of the locker room, watching the back of my partner as he pulls on another, darker colored dress shirt. I fold my arms across my chest, waiting for him to turn around, swallowing the nerves as I quickly figure out what to say.

He turns around and my throat goes dry. The blues are pouring into my browns;

"I liked that shirt."

"What are you doing here?" he softly asks, still buttoning his shirt. I try not to stare at his delicious looking toned body as I look up into his eyes;

"Heard what happened between you and Blaine."

"Well what can I tell ya? He's a prick."

I smile a bit and nod. An awkward silence consumes us, and I am unsure of what to say. I hear his footsteps as he comes closer, the scent of his aftershave fills my nostrils and causes me to look up. There is a look in his eyes; hurt, pain, longing, confusion – everything.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I freeze for a second, my gaze flickering all around before settling on his eyes;

"Elliot, we've been partners for seven years, longer than anyone else here; we needed a change…"

The pain in his eyes is killing me as I continue to speak, a ball of emotion forming in my throat;

"I'm sorry, I should've talked to you – it was…was just too complicated."

He looks into my eyes. He knows why its complicated; we both know. But we won't admit it.

"Thanks for dropping by."

And with that, he walks away.

I shake my head and run my hands through my hair, feeling the tears prick in my eyes again. I remember that time; Elliot was so upset with me and I knew I was hurting him. I returned to the unit briefly, but as soon as the Feds had an undercover operation and needed some help, I jumped at the chance. I needed some time away from New York. I needed time away from him. I needed to think.

I was gone for six weeks, and when I came back, we danced around each other. Our connection began to grow after one particular case. We were stepping onto an elevator and discovered we had the same blood type, randomly of course. We stood on the elevator; Elliot told me he would give me a kidney to which I replied I would do the same.

However, the case that really brought us back together, followed a he-said-she-said rape case between a divorcing couple. Elliot and I fought like cats and dogs on that case, until at four in the morning, I found myself sitting on his stoop with a cup of tea for myself and a cup of coffee for him. Our victim had died, had lied to me on her death bed – all sorts. Elliot and I reflected together, and it was then that we realized we were going to be alright.

The night air whips around us. It's four in the morning. The streets are quiet apart from a few cars in the distance or the distant sounds of police sirens. We're sitting next to each other on the stoop of his apartment building, holding plastic cups of warm liquid in our hands.

"So are we okay?" I ask softly, looking up at him.

"I just…I just need space to disagree with you so it doesn't feel like it's gonna cost me our partnership." He replies, glancing at me. I give a confused look; this Elliot Stabler is different from the man I once knew.

"You've never been gun shy before."

"Well things change."

I wonder what those things are, but I don't ask. I take a sip of my drink before responding;

"Well like you said; you're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man," I shrug, looking around the empty street; "Who else would put up with me?"

He chuckles softly, nudging me slightly. I glance at my feet before asking; "You hungry?"

"I could go for a bite, who's buying?"

"Well, you are going through a divorce and you have got four children, so I guess you are." I smirk, knocking my knee against his. He chuckles, glancing at me as he picks up his coffee cup.

"That's what I thought."

Our partnership had taken the mother of all hits with Gitano and though we separated for a short time, when we came together again, our partnership seemed stronger. I smile at some of the memories, of all the times we went to bat for each other. I briefly recall the time I was in a car accident with his wife Kathy, whom was heavily pregnant at the time. I helped save her life and the life of their baby son, Eli; I was one of the first people to hold him. I still remember when Elliot hugged me after that moment, a hug that lingered for a while, one that was so full of strength. He uttered to me a simple 'you're okay' and from the look in his eyes, it was still there. That thing we had been trying to act like didn't exist between us was there.

Though he still to this day really didn't know the details of what happened when I was undercover at Sealview, I remember how he was supportive of my behavior in the months following the assault. We continued to dance around this thing between us; his wedding ring was the barrier and he had too much respect for me to ever have me as the other woman. I had too much respect for his marriage to ever let that happen as well.

The last couple years of our partnership consisted of happier times. The lingering glances and gentle touches had once again started, like the early years of our partnership. When we were faced with a similar Gitano situation again – only this time less intense but with the roles reversed – that was when I noticed the biggest shift between us.

We were chasing a perp; Rojas was his name. He manages to get to me and figure out what is going on, so he takes me hostage an holds my own gun to my head. When Elliot and the others corner us, Elliot's gun is drawn. My browns are pouring into his blues. I can tell he's trying to get a shot without hurting me, but it seems impossible. He's trying to talk him down, trying to talk him into letting me go. I try to talk him down as well, but nothing is working. I close my eyes, mentally preparing myself for the inevitable.

Bang! A shot rings out; Rojas and I both fall to the ground. I take a breath when I realize I wasn't shot, but I can hear Elliot in the background;

"Liv…Call a bus!"

His strong arm is around my back and he pulls me closer to him, grabbing hold of my hand;

"Liv…Liv…are you hit?"

"No," I take a deep breath as the shock of the situation begins to wear off; "No…the blood is his."

Elliot cups my face and brings me closer, hugging my head into his chest. I hold onto his arm, his head is resting against my forehead. I close my eyes, allowing the feeling of safety to consume me as I relax in his arms.

It was then that I felt the shift – the big shift – in our relationship. He was married of course, and we never acted on anything, but that didn't stop him from spending time at my apartment – Friday night movies and Chinese became one of our favorite things to do. The laughter and smiles were back. There was a lot of nights we spent in the precinct, working on paperwork before we'd get bored and go up to the roof of the precinct to look out at the city. We were leaning on each other again, and I trusted him whole heartedly. He trusted me as well, more so than ever before. We continued to be the dynamic duo of the New York City Police Department. His steps fell in sync with mine. And the happiness and invincibility we felt together; it was perfect.

But then came that fateful day – May 17th, 2011.

I block the day out sometimes because I know that's when the picture of the perfect partnership shattered beyond repair. It wasn't either of our faults. We hadn't had the mother of all fights, there was no Gitano-like situation again. No; the day had been great – as great as it could be. We had gotten the perps responsible for the death of a victim that was set to testify, we thought her daughter, Jenna, was now receiving some sort of closure now that the perps were caught. She came in, saw the guys who had killed her mother, and then left and promised to call if she needed anything. I returned to my desk where Sister Peg was standing. Elliot was standing on the other side of her. We had plans to get drinks that evening – me and him.

And then, in a split second, everything changed.

Elliot and I are talking and joking with Sister Peg, happy that the case is closed. She is just about to leave, and me and him are gonna quickly finish the paperwork on these asshole perps who had killed Jenna's mother before we head out to get drinks. It has been an alright day really, and everything is fine.

Bang! A shot rings out and we both turns. Our eyes go wide; Jenna has returned with a gun and is now spraying bullets throughout the squad room, aiming for those who killed her mother. Everyone in the room practically nose dives to the ground, taking cover. Elliot and I have our guns drawn. Sister Peg stands up to try and talk to Jenna, but Jenna pulls the trigger. Sister Peg falls to the ground with a bullet wound to the chest. I scream and apply pressure, still shouting for Jenna to stop. My voice is wobbling and fear is in my eyes.

I can hear Elliot's voice. He's talking her down. She lowers the gun and is seemingly about to put it down.

But one of the perps; he taunts her, calling her a "crazy bitch" and saying he should've killed her too. She raises the gun again. Elliot and I both shout for her to put it down. Her finger moves to squeeze the trigger again.

Bang! Another shot rings out.

Jenna drops to the ground and Elliot stands up, his eyes going wide. He had fired the bullet. I watch him as he runs over to her, kicking the gun away before pulling her to him. He tries to apply pressure to her wound but it is too late. Her life slips away whilst she's in his arms. He turns his head to look at me and I look at him.

I know this is something that's broken him beyond repair. And what has broken him, has broken our partnership, which breaks me too.

It was a few weeks later when I found out he put his papers in. Elliot had been ignoring my calls and texts for weeks, but I wouldn't give up on him. I even went to his house, but Kathy said he refused to see anyone. I knew this had broken him beyond repair, and when he was broken, he would shut people out. He was shutting me out completely, and it was hurting me. I missed him terribly. I wanted my partner and best friend back, but he was gone.

And then, I got the heartbreaking news.

I have just come from court. Cragen calls me into his office. I figure it's about the case but it's not, and when he tells me to shut the door, I know it's something serious. I shut the door then look back at him. A solemn look is on his face;

"Elliot put his papers in."

My eyes go wide. I feel like I want to faint. The ball of emotion forms in my throat, my hands shake.

"There was nothing I could do."

"He's earned it." I uttered. Cragen echoed my sentiments;

"And then some."

He pauses for a second, then says to me; "Do you wanna talk?"

"No." I answer, shaking my head. The tears are in my eyes but I'm trying to keep them at bay.

"Do you need to take a day?"

"I'm fine." I automatically reply. I say this when I'm far from fine and Cragen knows that, but he does not push it. He knows I will talk if I want to.

"Liv, I'm sorry."

I simply nod my head before making my way back to my desk. Fin asks if I'm okay, and I reply that I am. Munch announces that we've got a call to attend to, but he glances at me then tells Fin to take our new detective, Amanda Rollins, with him. I shake my head and say I am okay to go, but to just give me five minutes. Fin nods and I turn around, wandering off down the hall towards the interrogation rooms. I need a minute to get this out, because I feel like I'm about to collapse.

I make my way into an empty interrogation room and close the door behind me. The floodgates open. I hold onto the table as I break into quiet sobs, thick tears slipping down my cheeks. I take a few deep breaths, trying to soothe the ache in my chest and gather some air back into my lungs. My head is spinning. The tears won't stop falling. My chest actually hurts in the place where my heart is.

My heart is broken. My best friend has left me without a word, and I didn't get to say goodbye.

Fuck; this hurts.

Tears fell down my cheeks as I shook my head to rid myself of the painful memory. The day I found out Elliot had put his papers in was the most painful day of my life. I briefly remember the Semper Fi medallion and the mini badge, both of which has gotten me through some tough times. The medallion is in a box on a shelf in my closet, and the mini badge was in my closet as well, in the pocket of my police uniform. That was something I thought would be lost forever considering it was clipped to my gun and had to be taken into evidence following the situation with William Lewis. However, when I finally got back, I placed it in the pocket of my uniform for safe keeping.

I sighed. There were far too many memories floating throughout my head and I couldn't focus anymore. I quickly finished and sent the email I had been writing, before closing my laptop. It was only one in the afternoon, but it was a slow day so I had plenty of time to go for lunch and to get my head together.

I stood up and grabbed my bag and phone, before leaving out. I stopped at Fin's desk to let him know that I was taking a break for lunch, to which he nodded and squeezed my arm before turning back to his paperwork. I headed out of the squad room and took the stairs to the first floor. Once I was outside, I began to walk down the street, sighing to myself as I did so. I was walking towards the diner on the next block where Elliot and I would sometimes have lunch together.

I made my way inside and sat at our favorite booth in the back of the establishment. The familiar waitress takes my order; the normal cup of coffee with a turkey sandwich and fries. I took a deep breath, thinking to myself, wishing that I would finally run into Elliot somewhere and just have a chance to talk to him. It's been seven long years, and I still miss him terribly.

I could feel someone looking at me, so I glanced up from my phone. My eyes went wide; I blinked a couple times to assure that my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. A familiar, tall figure had just entered the restaurant, and the most familiar pair of blue eyes were now staring right at me.

Blues were once again pouring into browns.

Seven was a lucky number, and maybe this seventh year was my lucky year – finally.

Fin.

Hey guys! I hope you all enjoyed this. Please, leave some reviews and let me know what you thought! Until next time...xoxo