The moment that my twin brother, Remus' pratonus appeared in the living room of the flat I was staying in, telling me to make my way to 12 Grimmauld Place, my heart was racing. Not bothering to change out the old jumper he had given me so many years ago and the muggle jeans I settled on for the day I apparated.
Trying not to get my hopes up as to why we would need to meet at this particular house. A house I hadn't set foot in in over twelve years. A house I never thought I would be going back to. Regardless of it being one of the Order's headquarters, it was never used anymore.
Pausing as I stood on the steps out front of the building, the hope that was building in my chest turning to sadness, to doubt, my mind running through all the possibilities. This could be just another Order meeting, not that there has really been one for years now. The threat of Voldemort had greatly vanished the night he killed James and Lily. The night I lost more than half my family.
We had moved on with our lives to the best of our abilities. None of us have ever forgotten the prophecy, the daunting timeline of what was to come.
I had strategically avoided reading anything from The Daily Prophet regarding him. I didn't need to hear the slanderous words they would no doubt write about his escape, about why he was in there in the first place. How anyone could honestly think he was capable of what they accused him of was beyond my knowledge.
Closing my eyes, thinking back to all the happy times we shared as a family. How many Christmas' we spent together, how many full moons we all endured to keep Remus company, all of the pranks we would pull during our time at Hogwarts. Thinking back to how much we all loved and treasured one another, not ever thinking for a moment something this sinister would happen to our lives. Never thinking that we would slowly lose our family, one by one.
We went into the first war knowing people were going to be injured, that people we knew would die. We just never truly believed it would be any of us that we would lose. And lose we did, in more ways than one.
Relationships were destroyed because of all of the prejudice that comes along with believing the 'Blood Purity' propaganda. The ones that mattered lasted through it all, and it was because of this that Lily finally joined our group, finally gave James a chance. It was because of this that even though I gained a godson, I lost a brother, a sister. A lover.
Knowing I couldn't take Harry with me, though I had every right to him, Dumbledore knew they would come after me. It was too obvious for him to grow up with me; I was too close to his parents, to the Order, to him.
I did watch him though, from a distance of course. I knew I couldn't interfere with his daily life, but a well placed spell here and there to make his miserable excuse of an Aunt and Uncle change there minds wasn't explicitly against Dumbledore's rules. After all, he's my godson, he deserved the most out of this life and he hasn't had a chance to get it. Hasn't had a chance to see what a family truly is yet.
That changed this year though, when Remus got the DADA position, I demanded to be let into his life. It was long enough, Harry deserved to know he had someone in this world who wanted to take care of him, who loved him since the day I held him in my arms when he was born. He reminded me so much of James that I broke down crying the day I met him. I was so happy, thrilled even, but the crushing despair of losing a man I considered a brother came crashing into my like the Hogwarts Express.
He was thrilled to know he had a godmother, even if I couldn't rightfully be in his life until now. I gave him the option of course, the Dursley's or me. He didn't hesitate to tell me nothing would make him happier than to live with me.
Holding onto the happy memories, my hand reaching up to hold onto the engagement ring that has been on the delicate silver chain around my neck for the last twelve years. I push the door open and walk inside. Still as grim and dark as it ever was in this house, the lingering dark magic that permeated the air was almost tangible, as the place hadn't been aired out in years. Hearing voices I walk towards the kitchen, my feet avoiding all the creaky bits of the floor that I knew were there from sheer memory of all the times I had been here.
Pausing at the door, still out of sight I could hear Remus, Moody, Kingsley, Tonks, The Weasley's, Snape, Minerva, and Dumbledore. All the voices I had expected to hear when I made my way into the house, and the one I desperately was hoping to hear, I didn't.
My chest tightening as the tears threatened to escape my eyes I took a deep breath to steady my emotions, the wall I had built for this reason coming back slightly.
"We need to wait until Lydia arrives before we can discuss anything." I hear Remus tell them, his tone leaving no room for argument.
Taking a deep breath I walk into the room, "No need to wait. Why exactly am I here Remus? You know how I feel about this particular house."
Everyone's eyes shoot to me when they hear my voice. The way they're standing I can barely see behind Remus, his body tense. More tense than it has been in some time, like he's expecting me to lash out at someone. Glancing at everyone else I notice how tense they all are, Molly's eyes had unshed tears in them as she looks at me with something akin to overwhelming hope.
Looking over at Dumbledore I notice a twinkle in his eyes. That all knowing grandfatherly look he gets when things are finally going the way they are meant to, the look that he gets when things are going to change. The smile he sends me has me searching the room with my eyes quickly. Realizing that there is someone else in here, someone I can't see behind Remus.
"Move Remus." I tell him in a whisper, my chest tightening more than I thought possible.
"Lydia –" He tries to say, but a voice cuts him off.
A voice I haven't heard in twelve long miserable years, "Moony, move out of her way."
My body tensing, I watch Remus move. He's here. He's safe. He's alive. He's here.
"Sirius." My voice barely a whisper as my eyes begin to fill with tears I've longed stopped shedding for him.
Looking him over, he's thin, paler than normal. His clothes, once tailored perfectly to his form, now hang loosely off him, much to big for him now. His eyes are haunted, the agony he endured in Azkaban showing clear on his face, sunken into his face the dark circles surrounding them making him appear even more exhausted. The wrinkles around his eyes, showing just how much he's aged being in there surrounded by Dementors, the way he can't seem to sit still for longer than a few minutes making it clear that he isn't sure if he's truly safe yet.
I notice his eyes looking me over in the same fashion I did him. A small smile makes its way to his lips, his eyes shining with a hint of hope, a hint of happiness, unshed tears in them as well.
The air in the kitchen becoming thick with anticipation as everyone around us is waiting patiently for one of us to move. One of us to say more than a whispered name, he moves first, a step in my direction and it's all I need to throw myself into his waiting arms. My arms wrapping tightly around his neck as I bury my face in his chest and sob.
He feels like he did all those years ago, safe. Home.
His arms wound tight enough to leave bruises around my torso; as if he's afraid it's not real, that I'll disappear. I feel his body start to shake as he cries silently into my hair, "You're here. You're alive."
Placing a gentle kiss to his neck, "I've missed you so much."
What felt like hours, we pull apart, his hands grasping my face as he pulls me up to kiss me. A bruising, passionate kiss filled with more emotion than I ever thought could be felt in a kiss. Filled with time we lost, time we couldn't get back, but the same passion and love we felt for each other twelve years ago. Igniting a fire in my veins I hadn't felt in so long, a fire my body forgot it craved I ran my hands through his hair as he kissed me to within an inch of my life.
Staring at his face, silently vowing to never let him out of my sight again, I watch him with tears in my eyes. Committing this moment to memory, watching him smile down at me with the relief of knowing I'm alive, I survived, knowing that I'm here with him now.
Smiling at him, "Don't you ever leave me again Sirius Black."
"Never. I will never leave you again, Kitten." He tells me softly, pulling me back into his chest to just hold me there, "Thinking of you…got me through the last twelve years. The memories of you, kept me alive."
"I love you, Sirius Orion Black." I whisper to him with certainty.
"And I love you, Lydia Magnolia Lupin. Forever." He whispers back to me.
He was back. He was in my arms. He was home.